A Mommy Story

As many of you know, I spent part of last week at an event for mommy bloggers in New Jersey. (I will be talking about it later this week on Mommy’s Must Haves. Still pulling the post together, and also tweaking the blog.) It was a lot of fun, and I really enjoyed getting to meet some new-to-me bloggers and have some great conversations.

There was a point in one discussion where the issue of trust was mentioned, and several women mentioned that they trust the opinions of other moms more than they trust large corporations. But then one blogger (this one) suddenly said in the middle of the conversation, “Well, I don’t trust the opinions of other moms!” I’m glad I was sitting behind her so she didn’t see my eyes nearly bug out of my head in surprise. Or hers. Or hers. (Although she may have seen hers as she slowly moved her chair away.)

Maybe I just have an abnormally educated and talented bunch of mom friends, but if I needed advice on something about parenting, products for my children, myself, or my home, you can bet I’m turning to another mom to get their opinion. (Not all have to be moms, either, depending on what you’re asking about. I’m looking at you, Auntie Suebob.) Chances are, they have advice that I will find helpful, even if I don’t follow their guidance.

Here’s a quick example. Yesterday, I discovered the annual ant convention had once again arrived in my living room. They come every year in the spring, and they’re a pain in the ass to get rid of. In frustration, I twittered that I couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to find a good exterminator. I know exterminators are bad (and expensive), but nothing else was working. Within an hour I had a plethora of other options to try, including boric acid, soap, cloves, cinnamon and coffee grounds. (Thanks to all of you, the ants are now on the retreat.)

Now, had I called an exterminator, asking for his advice on my ant problem, I’m sure he would have told me that I needed his services and that only he could properly get rid of my ants. And if I asked about the chemicals he uses, he would tell me they are all EPA approved, leaving out that there are still questions about if the exposure is really safe for pets and babies. I wouldn’t expect anything else – he has a business to run and a service to sell, so of course he’s going to promote his “product”. I can’t blame him.

Trusting other moms over corporations is only logical to me. Most of these moms have experience with many everyday products, and they know which work best and which cause their kids to break out in hives. If the diaper rash cream I have doesn’t seem to clear up my daughter’s red bottom, I will ask other moms which one they use and if they like it. Oh sure, there are a few that I question – like the Mary Kay rep who only suggests Mary Kay products – but most moms have nothing to sell and no reason to give you anything but their honest opinion. I’ll also pass along my thoughts on each diaper cream to other moms who ask for my advice.

We all know moms are the ultimate consumers – we are the ones who control most of the spending for our families, and we choose the products our families use. For 90% of the products out there, corporations have to get past us to get into our homes. So they mount extensive advertising campaigns to lure us to buy their product over the competition’s product. Again, it makes sense: they want to make money, so they have to convince us they have the best product.

For much of the 20th century, it was a good business plan, because the 20th century saw the separation of the extended family and the village into the isolated nuclear family we see today. That small nuclear family now moves around the country more, too, further separating themselves from their own extended families. And with moving around, we now don’t know our own neighbors – they’re not people we’ve grown up with and we’re less likely to trust them.

So instead of the village, where everyone knows everyone and you have a support network available to provide trusted advice, moms found themselves alone, figuring out this new mommy world on their own and unsure of where to go for advice. Advertisers took full advantage of this, with brand promotions such as “the name you can trust” and “what your baby would ask for.” Women bought into the brand more than the actual product.

But there was still a need to connect. Mommy groups grew in popularity, as did the concept of playdates. We needed to connect and find other moms, and in doing so we shared our experiences with each other, including product experience. A playdate at the park is more than letting the kids run off some steam together. It’s also a chance for moms to unload on each other, sharing knowledge and experience along with our frustrations and joy.

Now we have mommy blogs and parenting communities on the internet, allowing us to self-select our “village” from moms around the world. Ask many mom bloggers, and they’ll tell you they started blogging to find a community, seek out advice, or share their advice with others. We want to help each other deal with the onslaught from the media and from advertisers, who tell us we’re bad parents if we don’t breastfeed, or if we let our child cry it out, or if we don’t let them cry it out. It’s a conflicting crush of information being thrust at us, and having that resource of other moms who tell you, “I’ve been there, too, and here’s what worked for me…” can be reassuring.

So if you ask me who I trust, I’ll tell you I trust moms. When Cordy was born, I used products that the hospital gave me, thinking they had my best interests at heart. I now know corporations lobby and pay big bucks to have their products be the ones new moms go home with. Nearly every product I’ve bought for my children since then has been based on recommendations from other mothers and my own research. And rarely have I been lead to a bad product based on those recommendations.

I trust moms.