As many of you know, I spent part of last week at an event for mommy bloggers in New Jersey. (I will be talking about it later this week on Mommy’s Must Haves. Still pulling the post together, and also tweaking the blog.) It was a lot of fun, and I really enjoyed getting to meet some new-to-me bloggers and have some great conversations.
There was a point in one discussion where the issue of trust was mentioned, and several women mentioned that they trust the opinions of other moms more than they trust large corporations. But then one blogger (this one) suddenly said in the middle of the conversation, “Well, I don’t trust the opinions of other moms!” I’m glad I was sitting behind her so she didn’t see my eyes nearly bug out of my head in surprise. Or hers. Or hers. (Although she may have seen hers as she slowly moved her chair away.)
Maybe I just have an abnormally educated and talented bunch of mom friends, but if I needed advice on something about parenting, products for my children, myself, or my home, you can bet I’m turning to another mom to get their opinion. (Not all have to be moms, either, depending on what you’re asking about. I’m looking at you, Auntie Suebob.) Chances are, they have advice that I will find helpful, even if I don’t follow their guidance.
Here’s a quick example. Yesterday, I discovered the annual ant convention had once again arrived in my living room. They come every year in the spring, and they’re a pain in the ass to get rid of. In frustration, I twittered that I couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to find a good exterminator. I know exterminators are bad (and expensive), but nothing else was working. Within an hour I had a plethora of other options to try, including boric acid, soap, cloves, cinnamon and coffee grounds. (Thanks to all of you, the ants are now on the retreat.)
Now, had I called an exterminator, asking for his advice on my ant problem, I’m sure he would have told me that I needed his services and that only he could properly get rid of my ants. And if I asked about the chemicals he uses, he would tell me they are all EPA approved, leaving out that there are still questions about if the exposure is really safe for pets and babies. I wouldn’t expect anything else – he has a business to run and a service to sell, so of course he’s going to promote his “product”. I can’t blame him.
Trusting other moms over corporations is only logical to me. Most of these moms have experience with many everyday products, and they know which work best and which cause their kids to break out in hives. If the diaper rash cream I have doesn’t seem to clear up my daughter’s red bottom, I will ask other moms which one they use and if they like it. Oh sure, there are a few that I question – like the Mary Kay rep who only suggests Mary Kay products – but most moms have nothing to sell and no reason to give you anything but their honest opinion. I’ll also pass along my thoughts on each diaper cream to other moms who ask for my advice.
We all know moms are the ultimate consumers – we are the ones who control most of the spending for our families, and we choose the products our families use. For 90% of the products out there, corporations have to get past us to get into our homes. So they mount extensive advertising campaigns to lure us to buy their product over the competition’s product. Again, it makes sense: they want to make money, so they have to convince us they have the best product.
For much of the 20th century, it was a good business plan, because the 20th century saw the separation of the extended family and the village into the isolated nuclear family we see today. That small nuclear family now moves around the country more, too, further separating themselves from their own extended families. And with moving around, we now don’t know our own neighbors – they’re not people we’ve grown up with and we’re less likely to trust them.
So instead of the village, where everyone knows everyone and you have a support network available to provide trusted advice, moms found themselves alone, figuring out this new mommy world on their own and unsure of where to go for advice. Advertisers took full advantage of this, with brand promotions such as “the name you can trust” and “what your baby would ask for.” Women bought into the brand more than the actual product.
But there was still a need to connect. Mommy groups grew in popularity, as did the concept of playdates. We needed to connect and find other moms, and in doing so we shared our experiences with each other, including product experience. A playdate at the park is more than letting the kids run off some steam together. It’s also a chance for moms to unload on each other, sharing knowledge and experience along with our frustrations and joy.
Now we have mommy blogs and parenting communities on the internet, allowing us to self-select our “village” from moms around the world. Ask many mom bloggers, and they’ll tell you they started blogging to find a community, seek out advice, or share their advice with others. We want to help each other deal with the onslaught from the media and from advertisers, who tell us we’re bad parents if we don’t breastfeed, or if we let our child cry it out, or if we don’t let them cry it out. It’s a conflicting crush of information being thrust at us, and having that resource of other moms who tell you, “I’ve been there, too, and here’s what worked for me…” can be reassuring.
So if you ask me who I trust, I’ll tell you I trust moms. When Cordy was born, I used products that the hospital gave me, thinking they had my best interests at heart. I now know corporations lobby and pay big bucks to have their products be the ones new moms go home with. Nearly every product I’ve bought for my children since then has been based on recommendations from other mothers and my own research. And rarely have I been lead to a bad product based on those recommendations.
I trust moms.
I nearly choked on my own tongue, so she might have heard that 😉 Pretty f-ing amazing moment.
I don’t think that woman has any girlfriends.
I also trust moms. I think this is the majority – and that all of us moms were there in the first place talking to each other and giving feedback is testament to that.
She doesn’t trust other moms to do anything else but buy her books. Ironic, seeing as she’s giving advice-of-sorts in them.
Christina,
This was a really great post. Nuf said.
Preach on, sistah! I agree 100 percent.
And ps – missed your twitter yesterday, but vinegar works on ants, too.
I did not witness this, as I was in a different session at the time, but you can bet I heard about it from Dana afterward.
I trust other moms, too.
Without advice and information from other moms, instead of sitting happily munching on a quesadilla right now, my kid would probably be on a feeding tube. Without other moms, instead of working with a kick-ass OT, I’d probably still be consulting the same “medical experts” (most of whom had never changed a diaper in their lives) who all just shook their heads, and said, “But a child with high verbal scores can’t possibly have sensory issues!”
Also, without other moms, there would be no Cool Mom Picks Safer Toy Guide. No Parent Hacks. No Parent Blogger Network Reviews.
Other moms rock.
i don’t know what i’d so without my internets!! trust them…100%!
Ah, you just reminded me that my own ant invasion is going to start in a few short weeks. I’m armed with boric acid and vinegar and ready to tackle them!
Sing it Sistah Friend!
I’m with you!
I totally trust my mommy friends IRL and the blogosphere.
Word of mouth is the best and most trustworthy, in my experience, for advice, recs and boos.
I trust other moms, but MOSTLY, I trust moms in my own mother’s generation. I don’t ask for a lot of product advice, but I often seek reassurance about parenting in the world. How worried should I be about letting my 9 month old boy play out in the grass where I can’t babyproof? My mom and MIL and other women of their generation always put stuff like that in perspective for me.
More than anything, I trust other moms’ experiences, not necessarily their product advice. I trust it when they tell me that what’s happening is normal. I trust it when they say they tried doing this or this or that.
This blog is right on. In this world of corporate greed we need to be able to trust other moms who’ve been there. Yes, we’re sometimes going to find those women who have their own interests at heart and whose advice we should take with a grain of salt, but mostly, the moms I’ve encountered just want to help those of us who seek their wisdom and support. It’s reason so many of us seek out those mommy groups and internet groups you mentioned. Great post! I’m sorry to hear that woman feels she can’t trust other moms.
I agree with this 100%. I think the really hard part about feeling this way is how many people don’t understand. When there is a problem or a question I tell my husband “well I read this on that blog or so and so said this works” and he always gets soooo mad at me saying I can’t always listen to other people. But my theory is obviously they have tried it and it works so why wouldn’t I do it. In the end I win and he is glad I asked but still, I wish everyone else could understand what a great bond us moms have here and stop thinking we are just a bunch of crazies whining about boobies and poop (that is what all my friends say about my mommy blogging).
Also I used Pampers with my first baby because they rocked. Then one day I read your post about how Pampers changed and I was nervous because I was pregnant and unsure of what to use. When I went to the hospital I was given a bag of Pampers so I said, well the hospital gives them out, they can’t be bad. Then I opened them and found awful horrible diapers. I couldn’t believe these were newborn diapers. They stuck to his little tush, they weren’t soft THEY SUCKED. I sat there saying, dammit, Mommy Story told me so. That same day I happened to get a sample of the new Huggies in my mail box, it is quilted and soft and stretchy and dammit I wanted to wear it. So I switched. And now you can bet I’ll tell anyone who will listen to toss the pampers and buy some Huggies…but how many of them do you think will listen to me, and how many will say, well the hospital gives them
Wow…rant I will stop now
That’s how I roll too – companies all have their agendas, sometimes helpful and sometimes not. If they don’t make money, they go out of business. Another mom is going to tell me what really worked for her.
Wow- Great post- I trust other moms as well… Companies never have your best interest at heart… only their bottom lines.
Amen.
(p.s. Boiling water on ant hills is supposed to work well… if you can see the hill! Fyi *even though I know your blurb was hypothetical* persistant diaper rash can also be yeast and requires anti fungal cream. Worked for my kids like a charm.
I absolutely, without a doubt, trust other moms! So… what’d you use on those ants? We get a surge of them in the kitchen every spring. No idea where they come from and nothing I’ve tried works.
TOTALLY…when I have a question or crisis.. I hit the blogs, forums and my real life mom friends…
I have gotten the bestest help from the net moms.
That over media and corporations ANYTIME!