Working on the postpartum floor of a local hospital for nursing school isn’t quite the rainbows and sunshine you’d expect it to be. For every new mom who is thrilled to hold her baby, overcome with emotions at those first little sighs or those tiny fingernails, there seem to be an equal number of those who, for one reason or another, aren’t glad to be in their situation.
I’ve already seen a few moms who had no connection to their new babies. One mom, having just given birth to her ninth child, was completely uninterested in holding the baby, and asked us to keep her in the nursery as much as possible. She was already overwhelmed with the children she had at home, and said she wasn’t looking forward to the additional burden on her time. At the same time, she also would never think of adoption, and declined the doctor’s suggestion of having her tubes tied.
She told me she hoped for no more children, but added that it wasn’t up to her. I’m not sure what that mother-baby relationship has developed into now that they’re home, but I can only hope that the mom is getting some help to manage her workload.
The use of drugs while pregnant is alarming, too. One day we had a standoff between hospital security and a hostile mom. She and her baby had tested positive for cocaine, and the law here requires the baby to be taken into foster care until the mom can prove she’s drug-free. Unfortunately, social services didn’t try to have the baby taken out of her room first. Making up some excuse to have the baby in the nursery before giving her the news would have been a better plan.
So when they informed her that she wouldn’t be able to take her newborn daughter home, she placed herself between them and the bassinet and threatened to hurt anyone who tried to take her baby from her. I’m not sure how it ended, because it was still going on after my shift, but there was a lot of screaming and a lot of threats.
And then there are the women on the postpartum floor who have no babies to take home with them. Those who have lost their babies, left to recover with no bassinet in their room, slowly walking past the nursery with tears in their eyes. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be on a postpartum floor with no child of your own. I can only hold their hands when they cry and help them explore the deep well of grief they are trying to climb out of.
I’ll admit that I love my clinical this quarter, and I’m glad that I was placed at one of the “inner-city” hospitals. These daily occurrences of unwanted or unplanned babies, drug-addicted babies, and babies who didn’t get the chance to live give me a broader view of motherhood. I’m in no place to judge – I haven’t lived many of the struggles each of these women bring with them – but I do appreciate the stories they share with me. It makes the great debates like breast vs. bottle, cosleeping, organic foods, etc. seem somewhat inane in comparison.
(FYI, details of any patients were changed or merged together from more than one patient to protect their privacy and be compliant with HIPAA.)
You know my story. Posts like these are hard for me to read.
I remember, when recovering on the postpartum floor after having 2 large tumors removed from my ovaries, when a man from the cafeteria delivered my food. I was very swollen, and in the maternity ward, so he assumed I’d not only delivered a baby but a live one… Yeah, I got a “Congratulations!” from him. I talked with the nurses about it, as it could have been (and probably HAD been) a mother grieving a baby’s death…
Yeah, congrats for having surgery. Um, thanks, I think…
I really liked your last comment. I came VERY close to having my little guys @ 25 weeks… which would have meant lots of extra problems for everyone…they would have only had a 65% chance of living at that point.
When it came to breastfeeding and having a c-section, I was just so glad I had babies I really didn’t care what my body wasn’t able to do.
I was a Mommy… and that was all I needed.
What a great post. After delivering my son two months ago I thought, “Wow. It would be so great to be a baby nurse or a postpartum nurse.” But I didn’t consider the situations you described here. Just because I had a wonderful outcome doesn’t mean everyone does and being a baby nurse or postpartum nurse doesn’t guarantee roses and hearts every day. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Just goes to remind me how lucky I really am.
Best wishes
We lost one our twins in May, full term. No reason, just – gone. I know so many people lose a baby & don’t get to take a baby home … but still. It was horrible, people congratulating us for our beautiful baby – and not knowing that really? we were grieving for her sister.
Definitely takes away the innocence of pregnancy.
It makes me so sad to hear a woman say that it’s not up to her whether she has more babies. It breaks my heart for her and her nine children. I can’t imagine.
I’m so glad you’re learning so much at this rotation. Thanks for a really poignant post.
Thanks for the great post and the reminder of all I have to be thankful for. My heart breaks for those sweet, innocent little babies.
Stories like these ones really kick everything into perspective. We need reminders like this every so often. Thank you and it’s great to know that you are really getting the most out of your clinicals.
Great post – makes you think! Thanks for sharing!
It’s true about the “great debates.” So many of us have no idea how different our lives could be.
Terrific post! I’m glad you’re enjoying your experience and sharing it with us. HIPAA compliant and all.
Thank you for posting something that reminds us how easy most of us really have it. If I have to hear one more complaint about children not napping at the same time or some other inane turd of rhetoric from a healthy, well off mom with a beautiful perfectly healthy child, I may blow.
Looking forward to more posts like this.
What an amazing perspective. Thank you for sharing it.
Wow. What a look into what a postpartum floor REALLY looks like. I hadn’t really thought of this aspect.
I’m feeling pretty lucky after reading this.
Great post – thanks for the perspective on a day when I was getting VERY wrapped up in my own little drama of if I was being a “good enough” mommy or not. Happy (relatively speaking after a few time-outs)and healthy pre-schooler and no drugs involved – guess I’m doing okay. Thanks for reminding me that I need to be thankful for what I have!
Wow – that’s perspective. Thanks for sharing.
Wow, I never thought about it like that before.
Wow, that would be so hard for me to handle. Like others mentioned, you usually think of the happy mothers and healthy babies. I can’t imagine working with a mom who doesn’t want her child. Wow.
My middle child has a lot of issues, so her birth was definitely not happy at all, other than the fact that she survived when no one thought she would (which is a HUGE thing actually, she is 4 1/2 now). She was in the NICU for 2 weeks.
I remember seeing the parents with healthy kids in the rooms all around me and I just ached. Literally ached. It was SO hard. I just wanted out of there ASAP.
It would break my heart daily… oh man, your stronger then I am. I would need meds to get through. The mother’s without children would be my hardest to handle.. I’d leave daily crying a new ocean.
How do you find the time to blog amongst everything else, family, school and so forth there Super Mom? I am having a heckuva time trying.
Missed you Mama, glad that it seems everything is going well!
Goodness, I’ll bet you see some crazy things!