Last week at Cordy’s preschool, the physical therapist pulled me aside when we arrived. She wanted to talk with me about Cordy’s safety at school.
“I worry about her violent outbursts where she sometimes hits her head on the floor,” she explained. The week prior, the PT had tried to do an evaluation on Cordy by taking her out of the classroom into the hallway. Of course, in doing so, she triggered a major meltdown in Cordy, complete with screaming and head banging. Cordy barely knows, and therefore barely trusts, the PT so of course she was going to have a problem leaving the teacher she knows well.
“Well, she’s had a lot fewer meltdowns in the past month than before,” I offered, “She rarely hits her head anymore.”
The PT crossed her arms and sighed. “I’d like to recommend that she wear a helmet at all times when she’s at school.”
I must have looked like a dazed large mouth bass after she said that, because she followed it up with, “It’s for her safety. I’m surprised she hasn’t had a concussion yet.”
I’m sure I must have given her my best “what drug are you on?” look, but she continued describing about the types of soft foam helmets they have for kids.
“While she’s hit her head many, many times,” I interjected, “she’s never had any problems as a result. Not even any swelling.”
“But she doesn’t seem to register any pain when she does it, and that’s troubling because she has no reason to stop. She’s clearly learned that she can get attention by doing this.”
Wait one damn minute – did she just imply that we have encouraged this? At this point I was seething.
My voice changed slightly from an accommodating willing-to-hear-you-out one to a you-don’t-know-what-you’re-talking-about voice. “We have never encouraged her to hit her head. When she does it, we walk away or ignore it. And I think a helmet is more trouble than it’s worth. She hates having her head even touched – how do you think she’ll react to a helmet? It’ll send her into a fury and she’ll freak out until she can tear it off.”
I didn’t even mention my other concerns with a helmet. First, we’re sending her to this preschool so she can learn the skills needed to blend in with your average kid. Wearing a big stupid helmet will only alienate her and make her an easy target.
Also, wearing a helmet would, in a way, be reinforcing her behavior by sending the message that we expect her to hit her head, and therefore we’re protecting it in advance.
She still didn’t give up. “I’m just asking you to think about it. Yes, she may not like it at first, but I think it would be in her best interests to consider a helmet.”
What I wanted to say was: “Maybe instead you should learn there’s more than one way to do things, and find a way to get what you want from her without sending her into a meltdown. It’s called compromise, and even children should be given that consideration.”
Instead, I simply wanted out of the conversation, so I ended with, “I’ll speak with my husband about it, but I don’t think it’s likely he’ll want to pursue that option.”
Thinking I was free, I turned my attention to Cordy for a moment, only to hear the PT then say, “Also, have you thought about genetic testing for her?”
WTF?
“For what?”
“Well, there’s several syndromes that can have similar symptoms to autism.”
“OK…like what?”
“Oh, well, it’s not my place to diagnose that. But there are several she could be tested for.”
Again…WTF?
Seriously? She wants me to take Cordy to the pediatrician and say, “I’d like to have her genetically tested. For what? Oh, I don’t know, go ahead and test for everything, just to know.” They’d think I was crazy.
I walked out of the classroom muttering, “Oh for Chrissakes…”
Cordy’s teacher had told me before this conversation that it seemed that Cordy and the PT didn’t get along very well. We all have someone we don’t get along with, but can’t figure out why. There’s nothing wrong with personality conflicts – they happen, and you either avoid the person or work through it.
Of course, I’m not thrilled with the PT much right now either. A helmet? For real? And genetic testing? I’ll agree that it might be dangerous for a child with no real fear of pain to hit her head on the floor. But Cordy has been doing soooo much better lately that it hasn’t even concerned me.
Her teacher is so proud of how far she’s come so quickly. I can count on one hand the number of major meltdowns she’s had in the past month. Seriously, less than 5. Before we started her in this preschool, the number would have been more than 5 for a single week. It’s huge progress.
Just to make sure this isn’t just my protective Mother-Bear instinct kicking in (because really, I don’t want to be one of those parents who thinks her kid is flawless), I’ve been checking with others to make sure I’m not overreacting. Aaron immediately got angry and said no-way to a helmet. Of course, he’s the other parent, so his reaction is also biased. So I asked Cordy’s pediatrician, who said it would do more harm since Cordy’s head is so sensitive.
Am I crazy for getting so upset over the idea of a helmet? The PT has had only one major meltdown from Cordy, and she’s already suggesting a helmet. I just think there are other ways to deal with the issue than slap a big foam helmet on her head.
Edited to add: I wanted to add that I don’t think the PT is mean. She seems like a very nice woman, with years of experience. I just think there might be a personality conflict between her and Cordy, which makes it difficult for them to work together.
Do you think they’d be willing to consider or accommodate a sensory diet?
Best wishes
This is my calling card or link“Whittereronautism”until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.
I haven’t commented on your site though I read it often. As a parent you have to trust your instincts when it comes to your child and from reading this blog anyone can see how much you not only love Cordy, but that you have put a ton of time and effort into understanding her and her personality. You are an expert when it comes to Cordy. And if her pediatrician supports you — then you have all the extra back up you could require.
The physical therapist isn’t being mean — she’s just promoting what she’s seen work on other kids. But you know your kid best — and your opinion should always carry the most weight.
Hopefully the physical therapist will understand your position and respect your decision. If not, then maybe Cordy needs a new one. After all, it will never be in her best interest to have people fighting over what’s best for her. You need someone to support her (and by that, someone who will work with you to find solutions that work for Cordy).
Good luck. And keep up with this great blog.
I think you’re absolutely right that it would probably cause Cordy to stand out more and frustrate her, since she has sensory issues.
I suggest you try a different PT, if the school has one available – or go for private PT.
Stick to what you feel is right for Cordy, you know her best!
Hi! I am new to your blog.
My middle daughter is very special needs, so I have a lot of experience with every type of therapist, doctor, specialist on the market.
The one thing I have learned over the last 5 years is that those so-called “experts” are often anything but. I completely agree with you in regards to the helmet. It would most likely do more harm than good. Trust your instincts as a parent. You know your child so much better than they, even though “they” never think so. I often listen to their advice, smile and walk away thinking “yeah right”.
Good luck! Stay strong!
This sounds hard. I don’t know what to say.
I’m inclined to agree with you — her sensitivity to being touched, along with the fact that she’d be so immediately marked as “different” by other kids, seem to override the need to protect her from the *possibility* that she’ll injure herself.
I think it is lovely when a school professional suggests that she has noticed something and thinks perhaps you should get it checked into. Then, you speak to your pediatrician, you know — the one with the MD. And, since he has told you that he thinks it is a bad idea and you agree, I cannot imagine why you would go ahead and do it.
Hmmm. You seem to have already answered the suggestion. If everything inside of you screams “no. This isn’t the right path for my child” then it’s not. I have no problems with helmets, but they are definitely a signal to other kids that you’re “different.” Cordy already has issues to overcome with other kids. Having a physical difference on top of it might make things difficult.
I’m sure she was just concerned. From what you’ve described of her head-banging, I’d probably be concerned, too. It’s great to hear that she’s dropped them considerably! Isn’t it awesome to look back over a period of time and say “hey! This major issue my child had before isn’t as major anymore!”
I think you are valid in your concerns and not over reacting. Perhaps a meeting between you and the director of the school should be set up to discuss the obvious personality conflict between Cordy and her PT, your other concerns, and to suggest a different PT to work with?
hang in there. the “professionals” don’t always know what the heck they are talking about.
when my oldest was a preschooler, i asked my pediatrician about ADHD because i knew something issues were behavioral and i should consider “better parenting” techniques.
five years (and an official diagnosis) later, i demanded an apology, which he gave me. (and in a “what goes around comes around” kind of way, his oldest son turned out to be ADHD as well.)
If you are not on the same page with the PT you should try and get Cordy a new one, especially since she does not seem to be very willing to listen to you. Evan’s PT is a dream. I will mention something that I have been thinking about and she is right there to support my concern. Often times she will bring an issue up before I get a chance to mention it, that is how much we are on the same wavelength.
Personally I think your reluctance to put her in a helmet is very well reasoned and not just a knee jerk reaction.
I don’t thinnk you are overreacting. It sounds to me that the PT is basing her opinion of Cordy on that one encounter, which she obviously didn’t handle very well. Maybe once she learns how to best approach Cordy, her opinion will change.
Jennifer, Le Binky Bitch
Smart move getting your pediatrician’s opinion on the helmet. I think that’s got to be the best, objective, 3rd party opinion you could get on this one!!
Following your mommy instinct is very important but it will be even sweeter when you can go back to the PT and say “Her pediatrician agreed with us and didn’t think a helmet would be a good idea so we’re not going forward with that suggestion.”
I think your mommy instinct is right on. The helmet would negate the “inclusion” process thats going so well, and just trigger more outbursts because of the sensitivity issues. Im glad that your pediatrician agreed with you.
If school is helping limit the melt downs and you arent concerned with injury you’re obviously on the right track.
I would go with what your pediatrician recommends. He/she knows about Cordy’s head banging, and if he’s comfortable with how you’re currently dealing with it, then you can be, too.
I’m with you – no way to the helmet unless you believed her situation to be getting worse – but then wouldn’t you be re-evaluating everything – and as you’ve said, she’s been all improvement for a month. My son is pretty meltdown prone and all his specialists have found a way to achieve the desired result without him so much as hitting the floor – which is more than I can say for myself when trying to get him to eat dinner – but even so, they are experts so they should bring some skills to the party. I wish you could pick an alternate PT who doesn’t conflict with your girlie in this way.
You’re totally right to follow your instincts, especially when others are backing you up. I mean, if she were a child who bites, would they put her in a muzzle? And as the PT points out, she hasn’t hurt herself. There are plenty of possibilities that we don’t protect against.
And now I’m upset, too. Boo.
I read here often, though I rarely comment. I’m a kindergarten teacher. I also taught preschool for 10 years. Every year I’ve had one or two kids on the autism spectrum, PDD-NOS, sensory issues, etc. I was fortunate in that all the therapists who came to the classroom or school were very sensitive and worked well with all the students.
I would say that you and Aaron should just calmly refuse the helmet. It sounds to me as though Cordy has a great teacher and that she trusts her teacher. She may eventually trust the PT, too, but if you distract her with a helmet, she’s not going to progress as quickly as she would if she were comfortably helmetless.
If the teacher will back you up, too, that would probably carry some weight with the PT. Does the PT observe in the classroom? That might be something that would give her some insight into better ways to encourage cooperative transitions with taking Cordy to therapy from the classroom.
Stand your ground. You’re the experts on Cordy.
Here’s my 2 cents (coming from a sped teacher with over a decade of experience, mostly with kids on the spectrum):
-she’s made significant progress
-she has sensory issues and seems to have a high threshold for pain
-all people around her are keeping an eye out for safety, but ignore the unwanted head banging therefore she is not getting social attention for it
-if you give her a helmet, and she is getting sensory satisfaction from banging her head, she’ll need to bang harder and longer to get the same result
I think you are right on with your assessment of the situation. You have SUCH a great handle of Cordy’s triggers and her progress, I would trust your opinion over that of someone who has seen her on such a limited basis any day. Sounds like she was just repeating the party line to me.
You stick to your guns. That’s the advice I’d give. You know how far she’s come. You’re with her all the time. You know best.
If the PT is respectful of your role as parents, it seems like she’d be accepting of the no-helmet decision and not insist. Hope that it works out more smoothly with Cordy and her. Personality conflicts are already so difficult – and much harder when you’re only a toddler!
I don’t know whether or not I’ve commented on here before, but I really couldn’t help it tonight. That is absurd for her to suggest something like that after one issue that she had with your daughter.
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all and you should definitely stand by your instincts on this one.
What a difficult situation. I have to say I would probably search for any alternative to a helmet also as it would only make her stand out more than ever.
Sorry you are going through all of this. I have to also say that every time I have ignored my mommy instinct, it has been a mistake. Don’t do it!
Wow. I’m pretty sure I would freak out at the suggestion of a helmet too. I really don’t think it would help the situation at all. To me it would just reinforce the “go ahead and bang away, cuz now it won’t hurt at all”.
I think it is a phase. Until she learns how to express herself with words a bit more she will probably bang her head in frustration. It must be completely frustrating to be a little kid, know exactly what you do and do not want, but unable to express it clearly.
Genetic testing seems unnecessary at this point. But that is just my opinion.
Good luck.
I don’t think I have commented before, although I do read your blog often. As I was reading this entry my blood started to boil for several reasons.
(1) To suggest that your daughter wear a helmet when there really is no cause (she has not hurt herself before) and then to imply that she has learned that this behavior is OK is not just unwarranted, but it undermines your efforts as a parent. She is in essence saying that you and your husband are responsible for this behavior without actually talking to you about what you have done to stop it.
(2) I am a HS English teacher and I work with many different needs students. When/if we suspect that testing is needed, we do not tell the parents that. It is actually not my job but the job of the Guidance Counselor despite the fact that I work with these children everyday. The fact is that while I am a teacher, I am not qualified to assess any kind of genetic disorders. As a physical therapist it is not her job or in her realm of expertise to suggest the need for genetic testing.
and finally,
(3) It seems like this PT has not even considered the possibility that maybe Cordy does not like her. I mean, when I have issues with students, my first question to the student is, “am I doing something that is upsetting you?” I know that students who don’t like me behave differently than those who do and that should always be explored first.
SO, to end my book, you have a right to be upset. I don’t think you should give her the benefit of the doubt because her comments were unprofessional and unsubstantiated. I would definitely go with your instincts and ask for another PT if possible.
Politely tell her that after careful consideration your husband and you have agreed that there will be no helmet.
After that if you feel that she and Cordy are not finding any common ground, go to the head of the program and explain the situation and request a new therapist.
Good Luck!
I am not a mom, but I think you did the right thing. Her physician knows more about Cordy and her history than the PT possibly can. I’d have him write a note to the PT explaining why he believes the helmet isn’t a good idea.
BTW, how’s she doing with the switch to morning school?
http://www.nothingnoteworthy.com
Oh man…..you have to wonder sometimes.
Adam did and now Caity attend a preschool/daycare run by the Developmental Disabilities Association.
It is meant to integrate “normal” kids with those with all sorts of needs.
The teachers are SUPPOSED to be highly trained in dealing with many issues from physical and mental handicaps to autism and so on.
I have not seen much evidence of this.
They were ALL over diagnosing Adam with ADHD.
At an age too young and the pediatrician just laughed.
They keep telling me Caity is ‘blossoming’….from what I ask?
Not like she was a shy wall flower before!
I think you are doing great with your OWN instincts and your patience and understanding of the PT is great too.
Hang in there
I don’t think the helmet is necessary. Especially if Cordy is making progress. What does her teacher say?
I agree that if the pediatrician supports your decision than that is all that matters.
Maybe it’s time to find a new PT. Like you said, we all have problems with people and no one is at fault. Cordy needs someone there who can interact better with her.
And I’m sorry to hear she upset you so much. I would have reacted the same way. It sounds like instead of trying to keep Cordy from head-banging, she is encouraging it by wanting her to wear a helmet.
And genetic testing might not be a bad idea IF they had any clue what to test for! It sounds like she’s grasping right now, so I wouldn’t put too much stock in it.
Good luck with everything. You and Aaron know Cordy better than anyone, so trust your instincts!
I am in no way an expert however I am a mother. I wouldn’t put a helmet on my kid. Good for you by taking this to your ped. As far as the pt is concerned. I wouldn’t allow my child to be alone with this lady. Your right, your daughter doesn’t like her. If she did they would leave the classroom happy and cheerful. Also, what are the other kids doing when she is asked to leave the room? Hey if the other kids are having playtime or something your daughter really likes to do then maybe another time would be more appropriate.