I just want to make sure we’re on the same page here.
According to you, Facebook, pictures like this are OK on a person’s profile:
Both Lil’ Kim, but I can find many others if you’d like.
However, this picture will get your account banned:
Lunchtime, BlogHer 2007
Those are the rules? Are you f’ing kidding me? Can I point out that she’s showing far more breast than I am? The only difference is that she has some titillating flashy object barely covering her nipples, while I have a hungry infant covering mine.
I’m so tired of the argument that breastfeeding is obscene. It’s not obscene – it’s nature’s way of providing nourishment for infant mammals that, until the past 60 years and the push of the formula companies, has been the primary way humans feed their infants. Do you think women in the past hid in their houses to feed their babies? Hell no, there was work to do! They wore their children and nursed on demand. There’s plenty of evidence for nursing clothing throughout history, showing women could still go out in public and feed their babies. (Here’s a replica of a 16th century gown that was often used as a nursing gown – hence the slits on both sides from the shoulder to just past the breast.)
Sadly, we’re a culture focused on sex. Breasts are thought of as sexual objects only, entirely missing the real point of why they’re there. Breasts hanging out with only the nipple covered in a provocative way? That’s fine! Everyone come look! Here little boy, want a poster to hang on your bedroom wall to jack off to? Here you go!
But show a baby on an exposed breast? OMG, HIDE THE KIDS! YOU SLUTTY EXHIBITIONIST! STOP POLLUTING THE PUBLIC WITH YOUR SHAMEFUL MILK-FILLED BREASTS!
It’s insane.
A quick tangent on feeding a baby in public: Before kids, I believed it was OK to breastfeed in public. Babies gotta eat, right? After having kids, I’m now so much more sure of my position on this. I could barely breastfeed Cordy, due to a long chain of events, so I don’t have a problem with the idea of formula. It’s not rat poison – it is the next best thing to breastmilk, and I’m grateful I had it available to me when breastfeeding didn’t work. But breastmilk is the perfect food for a baby, so I was determined to try again for my second child.
With Mira, she wants the breast and nothing else. Breastmilk in a bottle isn’t even acceptable. Should I starve my child, or lock myself away until she’s weaned? Sorry, not going to happen. I will feed her anywhere, at any time, and will defend my right to do so.
You can be sure that if I’m feeding her in public, I won’t be using a blanket. But I also won’t be taking off my shirt, flapping my breast around for all to see while shouting “Look at me! Look at me!”, and squirting breastmilk all over the floor before I feed her. I doubt even 1% of breastfeeding women would do any of that. Most of us just want to feed our child in peace, and I promise our breastmilk will not end up on you. Don’t be grossed out by breastmilk – it’s actually full of antibacterial goodies, and after all, just think of where that glass of cow’s milk you’re drinking came from. And if you find my breasts sexually stimulating while I’m feeding my child (which I don’t know how, since you can’t see that much), then that’s your problem, not mine – you’d probably find an old shoe sexually stimulating, too.
As for pictures of breastfeeding? Facebook, your priorities are clearly in the wrong place. I can find hundreds of barely covered breasts being shown for a sexual purpose amongst your members. Why are those pictures still there, but you are banning women who show pictures of breastfeeding? Did you ever think that promoting breastfeeding on social networking sites might help other women feel more comfortable with breastfeeding their babies? And don’t we all agree that healthier babies are a Good Thing?
Are you a Facebook member? Consider joining the Hey Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene! group to show support.
Edited to add: Just to clarify, I haven’t been banned from Facebook, but others have because they posted breastfeeding pictures. I’m generally not someone who likes to flaunt my breastfeeding pictures, but because of this, I’m adding my picture to my Facebook account.
How ridiculous. I’m joining right now.
Yeah, I’m already a member. Good post.
That said, can I thank you for a moment? Nicholas and I had a failed breastfeeding relationship for a number of reasons that I don’t have time to explain in a comment. However, we’re fully intent on breastfeeding Parker. I’m glad to see that another mother is successful. 🙂
See?! PUBLIC SUPPORT OF BREASTFEEDING IS GOOD, FACEBOOK! Morons.
My first and I did not succeed at breastfeeding but, like you, my second and I are, after a rocky start, doing swimmingly. Keep up the good work and what idiots are they at facebook, huh???
Julie – Not unless he makes me angry. Then maybe I’d squirt him on purpose, LOL!
So Facebook and Applebee’s can both suck it.
(Oh wait. No pun intended.)
Excellent post. Thank you for the “formula is the next best thing to breast milk” – I think I’m about 3 days away from having to use a bit of it (the 21 week old 17 pound child is HONGRY) – and that description brings me peace about it.
dawn – Oh yeah, I have nothing against formula. Without it, Cordy would have starved. I’m a big believer that formula is a great invention, because it’s there for those who need it.
I’m sad that so many choose it over breastfeeding without even trying to breastfeed, because while it is nutritionally complete, it still lacks many of the good things in breastmilk, like antibodies and enzymes.
Ridiculous. BTW, what is Facebook?
🙂 Not a clue over here…
Good god, I can’t believe those Lil Kim pictures.
It’s been a bit of an ick week health wise, so I didn’t get to comment until now about Cordy’s evaluation appointment. I’m sorry it was a rough day but it’s wonderful that the team was helpful and able to get her some help.
I took Q to his new gym class on Friday and saw a beautiful little girl with ringlets who reminded me a bit of Cordy. Lots of energy!
Really, you won’t get breastmilk on innocent bystanders? No breastmilk shrapnel will lodge itself in some poor nearby man’s leg? I just love this post. Thanks!
Oh for heaven’s sakes… this is just silly.
Great post, though.
Feed that baby whenever and wherever she needs.
The whole thing is assinine. When I first started taking Myles out in public, I was super self conscious about feeding him, but after almost five months, I’ll pretty much do it anywhere anytime – restaurants, airplanes and most recently at a wake. It’s either that, or not go out.
I’ve never had anyone say anything to me, but have received several dirty or leering looks depending on the age of the onlooker.
You know the one group who doesn’t seem to care? Middle aged men. I always assumed they would be the ones to make the most fuss, but it turns out, it’s women. Where’s the solidarity?
Excellent post! I’m not on Facebook, but their position on pictures of breastfeeding sounds absolutely asinine!
don’t get me started. i joined that group a while ago, along with the supporters of homebirth group – funny, pictures in that group are okey dokey. my only thought is that breastfeeding is obscene, but birth is porn?
Wow. I am amazed.
I keep hearing stories such as this, and yet I am lucky that I didn’t experience any criticism for breastfeeding in public. Perhaps I was too stealthy, or maybe the part of the country where I live is more tolerant? I don’t know.
But for Facebook to ban members because of breastfeeding? WOW.
I joined the group…
That is INSANE. This is a service that serves as booty-call-center for anyone over the age of 12 and they want to ban you for your kid breastfeeding? I’m almost angry enough to quit my account! I don’t use it, to be honest, unless it is for work.
UGH! Christina, I am joining right now.
Oh I am infuriated! I am so sick of this harassment that nursing mothers get. I’m on my way to joing that group NOW.
Quick, hide the children! It’s a breast!!!!!!
Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls
Quick, hide the children! It’s a breast!!!!!!
Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls
Wow. I can’t believe this given lots of the other content they allow. I will go join the group.
It’s attitudes like Facebook’s that make me reluctant to nurse in public. I’m not embarrassed to unhook my bra so my son can have a meal while we’re out and about, but I dread the dirty looks I know I’ll inevitably receive. Why are so many people offended by breastfeeding?
Good point – it’s so ridiculous the double standard.
And I love the look in Mira’s eyes — it’s like that milk-induced drunken state babies get when their feeding. Ha! Reminds me of earlier days.
This kind of stuff makes my blood boil. Our society is so ignorant to breastfeeding, grrr…and places like Facebook banning pictures just perpetuates all the insane “sexuality” of bfing.
Oy. I’m going to go now to facebook. If this isn’t resolved, I’m cancelling my acct.
I just wrote a post about this earlier today because I couldn’t get over it. The best part is that it’s National Breastfeeding Awareness month. Talk about mixed messages! I wish I could say I’m surprised, but sadly I’m not. As for breastfeeding public, I feel like if someone has a problem they can just choose to not look. Honestly when I was breastfeeding my boys, I couldn’t do the whole cover-up thing with a blanket. It’s not like I was trying to seduce anyone though or anything.
Why does it seem like this happens all the time? Why is bf suddenly a freaky thing? Ugh. Thanks for sharing. I’m on my way to facebook now!
I was a HUGE breast-milk-only mom for the first 6mo of my 1st baby’s life, but because I was working and pumping 3-4 times a day, I had to finally give in a supplement. I believe breast is best 100%, however, I do understand the need for formula. My 2nd daughter was weaned at completely at 5 months, and I still wish I had gone longer. But, because I was not able to pump at work for her (different work location), I began to dry up from not pumping all day.
As a supporter of breastfeeding, I do think it is a courtesy to cover up if your baby will allow you to do so. At the time, I was uneducated in how to breastfeed in public. I wish I had known it was “OK” and a way to educate others that it is OK. I often times would nurse in dressing rooms and bathrooms. Not the nice ones, but standing up in the handicapped stall. I felt embarrassed that my daughter had to eat in a toilet. But I also didn’t know better. We MUST educate women that it is OK to breastfeed and it is OK to do it in public. I don’t believe sitting in the middle of a restaurant boobs-a-flailing is an option, but there are options. For instance, the inside corner of a booth, a private comfortable alcove at a mall, or anywhere you and your baby would be comfortable.
IT IS NOT OBSCENE to feed your child. It IS obscene to label a nursing baby as sexually explicit.
I’m going to join the Facebook group now to show my support.
http://awholelotofnothing.net
Love the post – before Tatum was born I was so nervous about feeding her in public – I kept saying I will feed for 3 weeks then it was 2 months … we are now on 3 months and now our goal is 6 months …
Great post
I am joining now!
I joined Facebook about 15 mins before coming across your blog. Now I’ll join the ‘Hey Facebook…’ group you mentioned. Its ridiculous!
Great post! I fed both my children for a lot longer than intended, 10 and 12 months, and am so glad that I did. Luckily, the only negative feedback was from my husband’s dad (whenever they visited I had to hide during feeding time… not ideal, but I dealt with it). I support the Facebook group, but I don’t think I’ll be joining as long as they have that type of rule… totally ridiculous. Too many companies out there are giving mixed messages regarding breastfeeding mothers… hopefully, someday we can all just get along! …AND just wanted to note many other cultures STILL nurse on demand and wear their babies while they work. There’s a great book called ‘Ourselves as Mothers’ by Sheila Kitzinger.
Amen sister! I joined that group a while ago after I noticed it on your page. Thank you for pointing it out to me and to everyone else.
So joining that group right now!
This should be a non-issue. I really don’t know what all the fuss is about. I WILL NOT lock myself up in my house for a year just because of someone else’s stupid opinion.
I joined awhile back also. I nursed 4 kids until the age of one and I was fortunate enough to not have any bad experiences. I used a blanket to cover with the first but rarely did with the others. I could discreetly nurse without one just as I saw you do at BlogHer. You’d have to be looking to actually see anything and why are people looking so intently in the first place? I left a much longer comment about this on the bliss-breastfeeding link you posted.
Formula is not the next best thing to breastmilk. The WHO (World Health Organization) rates infant feeding:
1. Mother’s own milk, from the breast.
2. Mother’s own milk, from a bottle or cup.
3. Another mother’s milk from a bottle or cup.
4. Artificial baby milk(infant formula).
That said, it’s commercial infant formula, not rat poison. For those parents who use infant formula (because the US maternity leave and employment practices are so “family friendly”), mix it properly, hold your baby during feeding times, and don’t encourage a baby to finish a bottle.
I’m so glad that Mira is such a confident nurser.
There was a similar controversy on LiveJournal a while back.
This is utterly (udderly? heh) ridiculous.
I’ve been hearing a lot of stories about this. You would think its simple logic but like they say, not all common people have common sense. It is very true what you stated though, that breasts are first thought of in regards to sex, and thats where the problem starts. Good post!
Nurse – but aren’t those first three things breastmilk? So wouldn’t formula be the next best thing?
I nursed my now 4-month-old twins for 5 weeks, then quit because I just couldn’t deal with it…I wish I had had more support to keep going longer. But, I went through an ENORMOUS amount of guilt because I switched to formula – and I think that’s sad. Now I realize the most important thing is to do the best I can for the girls.
Nurse – Agreed, breastmilk is best, but when you have none, formula is the next best thing to breastmilk. With my first, I pumped as much as I could until I dried up.
Breastmilk banks are scarce, and many charge upwards of $7 an ounce or more – the cost makes it prohibitive for most of us, and many insurance companies won’t cover it.
I completely agree with you that US maternity leave policies are absurd and far too short. We also have little insurance or government support for breastfeeding support resources, like lactation consultants, so it’s no wonder so many women quit so early.
Great post. I’m joining!
Breastmilk isn’t “best;” breastmilk is normal. When we say it’s best or “optimal” we make it seem unattainable. Do you plan every meal to be the best, or do you just go for good/pretty good/average?
Breastfeeding is normal. Formula feeding is inferior.
Well THAT is JUST SAD!! I’m not a member of facebook, and now I’m glad not to be!
Saying that formula is the “next best thing” to breastmilk is like saying that strawberry jello is the next best thing to real strawberries. The difference is several orders of magnitude. It’s not the difference between Coke and Pepsi.
What a bunch of idiots!
I have had 2 failed attempts at breastfeeding… so traumatic I am not even sure I have it in me to try it this next time…. but I don’t think any woman should be ashamed to feed their child. Someone sitting there breastfeeding is no different than someone sitting there feeding a baby a bottle in my opinion.
Fabulous post! Thank you for including the pics of Lil’ Kim. It proves your point so well.
I joined today. Wish I had some breastfeeding pics to throw up on my account though.
Awesome post! Facebook does SUCK and I refuse to use that or MySpace. I just cannot bring myself to do so.
What is everyone else’s problem? It’s just breastfeeding….
Oh, and those lil kim pictures almost made me puke….
I had all my breastfeeding pictures removed from facebook, along with an email warning for each picture. I was upset, posted in the facebook group against this action, but did not post any more breastfeeding photos. I went on a retreat for three weeks, came back, and my account had been banned for obscene and pornographic content. *eye roll*
OK.
I know I’m late…
Just heard of the Facebook thing, after looking up the more recent Ruby Tuesdays incident…
But..
I’m off to join Facebook!!
The only BF photo I have (my hubby is a prude) is in the hospital.
AND covered by a towel.
(thrown there by hubby as my mother snapped the photo)
Think they’ll ban me?
We’ll see.
If available, I’ll be daedreem.
Oh shoot…
1) they don’t seem to let you find a profile by usernames there.. I see nowhere to use mine… so I’m at:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1029659632
2) my one photo shows even less than I remembered it showing..
Not sure I can help the cause any. 🙁
Maybe I have another photo not loaded into my pc I’ve forgotten about.. I’ll have to look.
-Has there been any improvements on their definition of ‘vulgar or obscene’?
A couple of months ago my 2 very modest breast feeding pictures were taken down from Facebook. I received an e-mail from them stating it was considered obscene material. I was warned not to reupload the photos or my account would be shut down. I was furious but had no outlet, so I just dealt with it. Today I come home to an e-mail from betterphoto.com, where I have been an active for several years. They too have removed the photos. The reason they give: “the photos are not family friendly”. I am so frustrated and angry! I don’t understand how people can view breastfeeding as obscene…. I need a larger outlet to voice this issue and I just don’t know where or what that is. All I know is that I am sick and tired of being told to put “them” away. I wonder why I wasted all this time, effort and painstaking frustration to be able to breast feed. I could have taken the easy way out but I worked my butt off to be able to breast feed. Myjourney started with weekly appts with a lactation consultant, drinking teas and other concoctions and taking medication to increase my milk. Not to mention the hours of painful pumping in order to boost my milk supply. All this and what for? To be constantly made to feel like it’s shameful and dirty…To be looked at with disdain and horror when I discretely feed my child in hidden away corners and bathrooms? Would these people want to eat THEIR meal in a bathroom? What do we need to do to get back to basics. You know, the days when formula was suplemented to help out in desperate situation where NOTHING worked/breastfeeding was imposible and children were going to starve without it? Too many people have taken the easy/lazy way out over the years and those of us still trying to do what doctors say is best, are suffering.
I AM SO SICK OF IT!!!!!
The problem I have is that I have this huge opinion and a loud voice, but no clue what to do with it.
here is my photo:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/84726766@N00/2611088906/
Is it really that horrible?
Thanks for reading!
Coleen
[email protected]
Colleen, that photo is gorgeous and very modest.
I was unable to continue Breastfeeding after I temporarily went back to work, (The pump wouldn’t work right, and I dried up.. not through lack of trying) so my daughter went to the bottle at around 6 months of age… But if I have another child I plan to BF that one as well, and take MANY photos. -my single photo is so prudish facebook hasn’t touched it…
I design t-shirts now, as a means of trying to earn an income now that I’m a stay-at-home mom… and one thing I do is Lactivism designs. (I need to get more out) I will definitely be buying many of my own items to let them do the talking for me, because MY baby isn’t going to eat in a bathroom OR under a blanket in this Texas heat.
If any of you’d like to contact me to make suggestions of what I should add to my available designs, use my username I’m posting under, at gmail dot com.
http://www.cafepress.com/catscratches/1981524
If breastfeeding isn’t “family friendly”, then nothing is.