Well, it finally had to happen. Our neighbors finally showed themselves to be the rabid feral animals we knew them to be. I’m still shaken, so forgive me if this is disjointed. I needed to get it out somewhere.
First off, the bad news is that the neighbors aren’t losing their house now. It was to be foreclosed on, but their mortgage company decided at the last minute to work with them. I can only hope they miss more payments and get thrown out. Yeah, it’s a little mean to wish that on them, but after tonight, you can understand why I feel that way.
Tonight the kids were, once again, completely in our yard, taking over our side yard for their games. While out in the backyard, I caught a kid out of the corner of my eye, in the fenced in yard, and then he ran around the side of the house. I walked around to see two of the boys saying, “Let’s get out of here,” as they ran away, and the girl saying, “Oh, thanks guys, let me get in trouble.” Clearly they know it’s wrong to jump our fence. I reminded the girl to please let us know if they lose their ball in the yard by knocking on our door, and gave her back the other ball that was in our yard.
I came in and told Aaron, then opened the front door. It was then I noticed that a few of the bricks surrounding our tree were knocked over as the kids ran all over our yard. Aaron had had enough at this point, and went outside to tell the kids they needed to respect our property, and if they damaged anything he would call the police. OK, he probably shouldn’t have mentioned the word police, but he didn’t raise his voice, and he said please.
Then the bomb hit. The dad came over to our house, yelling obscenities at us and threatening us. I went outside and attempted to reason with them (what the hell was I thinking?), but as usual he and his wife cut off anything I tried to say and yelled at me.
I told them I simply didn’t want our property damaged by them, and I thought we were well within our bounds to set our own rules on our own property.
The mom said that we are the problem with society – we don’t let kids be kids, and they are just letting their kids be kids. She also (of course) went back to her old argument that her kids never do anything wrong, and that it’s their friends who are doing all the damage. Because we can’t produce visual evidence, we have no proof. She also claims that she’s seen random kids come running through just to jump over our fence. I’ve seen her oldest son climbing our fence before, and somehow I’ve never seen these mysterious fence jumpers who come from far and wide just to leap our fence.
There were several points I could have yelled back or thrown an insult about their kids. But I refused to stoop to her level. And so I simply stood there and reiterated that we just want our property respected while she tried to twist everything I said around. I reminded her that we have never raised our voice with her children, even though she accused us of yelling at her kids for “bending a blade of grass”. She then said it didn’t matter if I didn’t raise my voice, because the tone of my voice was disrespectful to her kids. (Can’t win, can you?)
And the insults against us continued. She said we keep Cordy “locked up” (because she’s not outside all the time) and told me that it’s no wonder she has social problems and will grow up to be an outcast. She repeated over and over that we’re the problem with society, and we’d rather see her kids hit by cars. Apparently she’s preventing her kids from becoming juvenile delinquents and shooting people by letting them run wild outside. Uh-huh, whatever. I thought running wild with no concern for others is how kids head down the wrong path.
She told us that half of the neighbors were on her side, and that also our fence was on their property and she was planning to call the homeowners association to force us to tear it down. (We built the fence on the property line, actually, since two years ago they wanted to build a fence and we offered to extend ours to the property line since they were concerned about the costs. We were trying to be nice. See what nice gets you?) Should we find out the fence is on their property (doubt it – we measured it with the stake put in by the city), we’re only too happy to tear that side down and move it in, just to the inside of our property.
I also reminded her that I’ve seen her youngest son peeing in our yard more than once. She told me that, again, I was in the wrong, because he’s a boy and that’s what boys do. “All boys do it. Your husband probably did it as a kid, too.” (For the record, he didn’t.) I had no idea peeing in other people’s yards was socially acceptable.
She then said that we brought all of this on ourselves, because before they moved in, we told them we had plenty of yard and they were welcome to play in our yard. Maybe we did offer that, but we do have the right to revoke that offer, and we expect our property to remain undamaged.
It was clear there was no reasoning with these people. Anything we tried to say they countered with some ridiculous argument and hurled insults at me. Finally Aaron came back out, and it escalated. The dad came over onto our property and got right up in his face (completely nose-to-nose) saying we didn’t want to find out what he was capable of. We, having stayed calm the entire time, did not react to his provocations. I calmly said, “There’s no need for you to be so aggressive,” to which he then swung around to me, pointing his finger about an inch from my face and saying, “You stay the fuck out of this!” Aaron wisely took a step back and said, “Clearly, this conversation is over. Let’s go inside.” We turned around and left as they continued to yell at us.
Soon the cops showed up. Yes, they called the police. The neighbors had also by this point fetched the parents of the friend the kids had in our yard. They talked to the police for about fifteen minutes, and then one of the officers came to speak with us. We explained our position to him. The other officer came up to speak with us, too, asking where the property line was. I told him it was at the fence, although they were contesting that. He went to look, and came back, saying, “You’ve got a pie-shaped lot. That looks like the right placement for the property line.”
The cops were very nice with us, in no way indicating that we’ve done anything wrong. I informed them that the dad had threatened us with physical harm, too. They offered to tell the family that they were not allowed to step foot on our property. I explained that I didn’t want it to come to that. I’m not trying to be mean, I only want our property to be respected.
They thanked us, and returned to talking with the neighbors. The police remained outside for nearly an hour. At one point, Aaron could hear an officer telling them, “Look, we told them we could forbid you from coming onto their land, but they didn’t want to do that.” Finally the police left.
It’s quiet now. I’m sick to my stomach. I’m angry. And I feel like a prisoner in my own house. These people are aggressive and unable to see beyond their own noses. While this entire argument was going on, all four of their kids were standing right there, learning how to act like cavemen, just like their parents.
This is such a petty thing to get this worked up over. I’d like to say I didn’t think they would overreact like this, but I somehow knew this would happen. Say anything, or look cross eyed at their kids, and they will jump all over you. They never admit their kids do anything wrong. Just last week I explained to the mom that I had asked the kids not to pull on our tree, because they have broken off a branch, and she said to me, “I’ve told them not to do it. But what can I do?” Uh, how about parent your kids?
I’m so upset, and I really wish they’d go away. They are mean, spiteful, hateful people, and I have a strong feeling they will now try to retaliate. Our car has already been scratched up (mysteriously?) after the last argument over their kids. But now they’re openly hostile, so there’s no telling what these people will do now.
Sometimes I wish there were personality tests required in order to live in certain areas. We just want to enjoy our home, and our yard, in peace. Our neighbors, however, seem to think that they are entitled to do whatever they want in the neighborhood, especially our yard.
What do you do when your own neighbors are your worst enemy?
Edited to add: Late at night they came over again, talking like we were all friends and telling us about how their property line on the drawing they were given doesn’t match up with the city’s drawings, and how it’s the builder’s fault. They did apologize and say they didn’t want to fight. I reminded them that it’s a hassle to go to them every time I have to ask their kids to not do something, and asked them to not get so bent out of shape if we politely ask their kids to follow our rules in our yard. I have no idea for why they had the sudden change in attitude, but I’ll take it. I can only guess the police gave them a serious talk about property laws. Still, I’d rather have passive-aggressive neighbors at a Yellow threat level rather than outright hostile neighbors at a Red threat level.
You put up surveillance cameras. We had a severe issue with our landlady in the house before the one where we’re living now, and had to put up cameras to make sure we were not being violated when we weren’t home – and we caught one of her minions on film going through our mail. Could have taken that to court, but we didn’t. But we still have the footage, if she tries to file suit later.
I know surveillance is expensive and you shouldn’t have to do that – but it sounds like you could very easily catch footage of them on your property doing any number of bad things, so it might be worth it.
Why didn’t you take the police up on their offer to forbid the neighbors to get in your yard? I’d have taken that offer in a heartbeat. Sounds like they have done your property enough harm and been nasty enough that you probably shouldn’t let them on your property. Especially since you fear they are going to do something more, possibly worse, now. I’d totally set up cameras if I could. I wish we had done that in San Jose, because we lost tools, a bike, and an air compressor and we’re pretty sure that our neighbors stole them, but we didn’t have the cameras then.
Mean people suck.
When I was six months pregnant with Dawson, I was working part-time, third shift, at a grocery store (just for a few months to pay some bills).
I was trying to sleep at 6 p.m. before going to work at 10 p.m. and our neighbor lady three houses down the street came yelling down the road at our next door neighbor’s son.
She accused him of driving 20 mph on the road when he came home from work (and her kids were playing by the mailbox — unattended). She said she heard the car and came outside and yelled to slow down. This kid drives very, very slow as it is. I’ve never seen him go fast ever.
This woman always lets her children play in the street, in other yards, and she’s never outside with them. It’s insane.
After 20 minutes of her yelling I went outside and asked her to cool it. She threatened to “beat the crap” out of me. A pregnant woman.
I let it go — and told her to go home. She took a swing at me!
Needless to say I called the police because she was obviously CRAZY.
Now when I see her she always gives me the finger. So childish.
Man they sound like a bunch of nut jobs. My parents had neighbors like that which prompted my mom to start growing a nice big rose hedge along the shared property line. They grow pretty fast FYI. Luckily they were renters and not the actual owners so she had more recourse against them by complaining to the home owner. They have since moved on.
wow. scary. and not fun. i’ve never had that much strife with a neighbor, but i feel for you, hon. hang in there.
Scary, scary! Like Violet said, mean people suck. I’m afraid you might need to have the police come back. Or maybe the mortgage company will finally shut them down – it’s not likely that they’ll manage to be perfect with their payment schedules in the future. Hang in there.
Sorry to hear that things have gotten worse. Just curious, have you ever thought about moving? We share a driveway with a neighbor who has been in the house for about a year. She is very nice but extremely nosey. She has a 5-6yr old daughter who is just as bad. Because of them we never play outside, we always go to the park. We are selling our house and she played a pretty big part in us making that decision. I hope it gets better. I would hesitate in calling the police next time if he gets in your face again.
Sorry, I meant to say “wouldn’t hesitate in calling the police”
There’s nothing worse than feeling threatened on your own property. These people sound like they have no control over anything that happens regarding their children, yet they say that YOU are what’s wrong with society?! I’m so sorry that you’re having to deal with this. Best of luck!
How terrible! But you can be sure that you and Aaron did all the right things. I hope they stay out of your hair.
I don’t have any helpful thoughts, I just want to say how very sorry I am that you are going through this and I imagine it was very painful for you that they brought little Cordy into it, so mean-spirited and out of place. You must know they are wrong, wrong, wrong, but I thought I’d chime in.
I’m so sorry for you. That totally stinks. It’s one thing to run across mean people randomly, but to have to live next door? My sympathies. Sad to hope for misfortune, but I sure hope it hits them and they’re forced to move soon.
Oh man, I hear you. There’s nothing worse than having terrible neighbours. What I find so difficult in your situation is how they brought Cordy into it – she’s completely innocent. The other thing they need to understand is that children learn from their parents – obviously thier disrespectful behaviour came from them.
That’s totally not cool.
I agree with the security cameras idea…
I also have to say that you should be very proud of how you handled the situation. My husband is a hothead. He would have told me to bring the kids inside and probably beat the crap out of them…
And me? Well, I’m not violent by nature, but I would have been on the phone with the police in a heartbeat… you know that the reason they had a change of heart is because the police basically told them they were wrong!
I’m sorry you have to go through all this (((HUGS))). I have good neighbors basically… up the hill I never see them, across the street they are like family, and the only annoying ones are down the road. I have told them time and time again that my daughter is DEATHLY afraid of loud noises and they completely disregard that and the husband just sits in the driveway revving his EXTREMELY LOUD motorcycle for no apparent reason…. jerk.
It sounds like you handled it very well!
That is the kind of thing that stays with me forever. It would keep me up at night dwelling on it.
Oh fuck Christine, I’m so sorry. I had neighbors like this once (we were actually in the same house, they above me) and it was just horrible. My heart goes out.
Nanny cam?
Wow. My neighbors seem like peaches in comparison. You handled that a lot better than I would have.
WOW so sorry you are going through all of this … I will be praying for you! How hurtful for them to talk about Cordy who do they think they are? What puckes! I hope they remain to stay calm and that all things get better … maybe with the blogging world on your parying side it will get better?!
The words running through my head right now are NOT fit for a comment.
They are lucky they have reasonable CALM neighbors like you and NOT Big Ug and I…
I wanted to reach out and smack the witch for you. No way could I have handled that with as much grace as you did.. Aaron was good to take you in, you don’t need to stand out there and let them insult you and your family. Ug would have popped the dude the second his hand went for my face.
Previous commenters are right, ban them from the property now that way when shit hits the fan again (and it will, those folks are a few cards short of a full house) that way they already know NOT to be there, them and their demon spawns.
Good luck chick.. keep on with tht patience. YOur better then me for it.
You and Aaron were much, MUCH more gracious in that situation than I would have been. We had a problem neighbor in our last home (she tried to get the HOA to sue us for something we had proved we didn’t do) but thankfully we already had our condo on the market before she became a problem. I really hope that they’re out of the neighborhood soon for your sake.
That must be such an awful feeling to feel like a prisoner in your own home. I am so very sorry that you have to put up with such rude, ignorant and thoughtless people. I cannot believe her comment about your daughter, that was completely unacceptable and cruel. Maybe you can move to Toronto and be one of my neighbours, I promise I won’t let my son pee in your yard or run around unsupervised. I’m glad to read that they came over and tried to act like civilized human beings, good luck!
Ugh. What a pain.
I’m glad it’s resolved, to whatever extent it can be. I don’t know how it works in your state, but the City doesn’t mark property lines here, Surveyors do. When we put up our fence, we put it several inches onto our property. When the fence is ON the property line, technically your fence is partially on the neighbor’s property, too, and they would have every right to ask you to move it. Hopefully it will not come to that.
Peeing in people’s yards is normal? Not where I come from!
Good luck with that mess.
I am so, so sorry this happened.
The whole thing is crazy, but especially the part attacking Cordry. That makes me think they aren’t just crazy, but very bad people.
We discovered that some teenagers were smoking in the woods behind our house. But two months later when we got our dog they mysteriously stopped smoking back there. I guess they didn’t like having a 70 pound dog barking at them through a wooden fence as they tried to smoke.
So maybe a large dog would help. But if that sounds a little extreme then I’d consider the surveillance approach. Some kind of warning sign on your fence that “you may be video taped on this property” plus a camcorder that you use from inside the house when you see them coming should hold up in court.
I wish I had advice or wisdom to share or something, but all I really have is sympathy. That really sucks. It must be awful feeling threatened and uncomfortable in your own home. You should look into what your rights are — property rights, privacy rights, etc. — and then make sure you articulate those to your neighbors when you need to. I find that people really back down when you assert your own rights, particularly if you have statutes and codes to mention.
I’m still fuming for you more than 24 hours after I read the original post. I’m tempted to fly over from Germany with my 20 month old and set up a tent in their front yard to see how they feel about me “bending blades of grass” then. Plus, I’ll use the facilities wherever I darn well please.
The flaw to that plan is that then YOU would suffer from having to deal with my ugly mug and my very noisy child that has no concept of the difference between screaming and, well, screaming.
Since I can’t do any of the above, I’ll just send good thoughts your way and very bad ones to your neighbors.
The part where they brought Cordy into this made me want to strangle them for you. I’m in awe of yours and Aaron’s ability to remain calm during such an emotionally charged encounter.
Ay yay yay!!! My guess is that these people are so stressed out about their financial situation (foreclosure, right?) that they just re-directed their frustration at you. Doesn’t make it right, though.
Hopefully it’ll pass. Kids can be kids without damaging things or peeing on their neighbors petunias.
Maybe a “No Trespassing” sign is in order. And it’s good that you spoke with the police. The problem here is, the second something happens to them on your property, the odds are you’re the ones who will get into trouble.
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Some of my property was damaged and balls were being bounced off my car…the kids were constantly in my yard and I mean more than 8 of them. I talked nicely to their mother and after the third time, I called the cops. I pay for this property and am tired of not being able to have nice spot lights, light markers, tiki torches and so on because their kids have to break them….they were told to stay out of my yard…I put my camcorder in my front window and got footage of them today bouncing the ball off my car…told the mother I now have it recorded and that was the last warning.