I nearly skipped out on the screening today. Cordy was having a great morning – she didn’t even fight getting into the car, and when we arrived she calmly walked up the steps – so I figured they’d shoo us away quickly and tell us to stop wasting their time when there are kids with real issues who need their help.
And then I opened the door. She took one step inside, saw the large hallway looming ahead of her, and promptly threw herself down on the floor and refused to move. The receptionist told me what room to go into, and after a few minutes of trying to get Cordy to stand up, I scooped her up against her will. I must have been quite a sight walking into the room – an infant car seat hooked on one arm and a shrieking, thrashing toddler under the other arm.
While Cordy wailed and tried to run out the door, I gave the two evaluators our names and signed the necessary paperwork to give them permission to attempt contact with my unwilling participant.
After a few minutes, Cordy calmed down a little, meaning she no longer tried to run out the door, but instead chose to throw herself down on the floor and crawl under a table.
OK, maybe we do need to be here…
The younger lady tried to convince Cordy to come play with some blocks. She loves blocks! She’ll show them how smart she is, I thought. But Cordy wouldn’t budge from under the table. The lady then tried to engage her in conversation, but Cordy wouldn’t give in.
After another few minutes, Cordy emerged from under the table and came over to examine the blocks. The young evaluator tried to get Cordy to stack the blocks. Instead, Cordy arranged them in a line, ignoring the evaluator. Cordy finally spoke as she counted the blocks.
“Oh, she can count to five!” the young woman said as she noted it on her clipboard. “Actually, she can count to 19,” I added. Shut up, shut up, they don’t need your help, my internal voice shouted at me. Let them do their job and don’t get in the way.
Most of the evaluation was completed by accident. They would try to persuade Cordy to do a task, she would do something else, and they would look for the skill the new task represented. She wouldn’t identify animals in a picture, but would run around and jump (gross motor skills, check!). Ask her to draw a line? She tells you where the kitty is in the picture (cognitive skills, check!). Ask her which animal in the picture says “neigh!” and she stacks the blocks (fine motor skills, check!). Sigh. The poor young evaluator was jumping all over her clipboard as she tried to keep up.
At one point Cordy had arranged the blocks in a particular order, and was picking them up one at a time and telling us the color. The older lady picked up one out of order.
“Cordy, what color is…”
“NOOOOO!” Cordy cried frantically, snatching the block out of the woman’s hand. She carefully placed it back into the pattern, then picked up the next block in order and exclaimed with a smile and all the joy in the world, “Yellow!”
At one point she turned and ran to the doorway, stopping just short of running into the hallway. “Cordy, come back!” she said with a sly smile. I explained to the two evaluators that Cordy likes to give us the prompts for what she wants us to say. I played along and told her to come back, and she complied.
Eventually, the evaluators turned to me with questions. Does she try to take her clothes off or put them on? No. Does she use eating utensils? Nope. Does she try to brush her own teeth? Not really. Does she always have trouble with transitions? Most of the time. Each question made me feel more and more nervous.
They gave me a little quiz to fill out, with questions such as “My child has trouble calming down after a tantrum” (absolutely) and then the older lady scored it. She then explained the score to me: “Any score below 57 means that we believe there is nothing to worry about developmentally. Cordelia scored 145.”
My jaw dropped. 145? Wow, that’s a big number compared to 57.
As they wrapped up our 40 minutes, they handed me a full report. Cordy’s cognitive skills, gross and fine motor skills, and communication skills are excellent. “She’s smart,” they tell me. But the little checkbox next to Personal/Social is checked “Refer”. They’re troubled by her lack of interest in self care, her difficulty with transitions, and possible sensory issues (she hates anything gooey on her skin or people touching her if she’s upset).
The next step is a full evaluation from the county early intervention team. If the second evaluation determines she is delayed, they’ll put together a plan for therapy. I’m not sure what happens after that, because I kind of zoned out at that point, lost in my own thoughts.
As we got packed up to go, Cordy told the two ladies goodbye and then ran to the door. She turned to look back at me, big grin on her face, and collapsed on the floor dramatically.
“Cordy, are you OK?” she asked, still grinning broadly.
“Yes, Cordy, you’re OK,” I replied as I took her hand and we walked out the door.
You’re OK. But am I OK? I’m not sure yet.
You will both be OK! You just might take a different path to get there than you might have predicted.
I can imagine that this is all rather overwhelming, especially while dealing with a newborn… But I’m so glad you are so observant and had Cordy evaluated this early. I know SO many people who went all the way through school without being evaluated, and others who didn’t have any evaluation until the teen years when they were flunking out.
I imagine that by meeting this challenge head on now, you are probably sparing Cordy from being “that weird kid in the corner,” like you said. What a gift that is – to help her find ways to deal/learn/act NOW, before she’s even in kindergarten! She is one lucky girl to have such observant and caring parents.
Duh – those I mentioned who went through school without evaluations & others not until the teen years did end up finding out that they had dislexia and other learning challenges that could have been worked with/around in school if they had only known.
OK… This really brings back some gut-wrenching memories.
It WILL be okay – because Cordy is already finding ways to manipulate her environment to fit what her expectations are – that whole “prompt the question/statement” is fascinating.
It indicates that there are absolutely ways to set things up so Cordy isn’t uncomfortable, but that you can still coax her to do the “appropriate” things — we can talk about that more at BlogHer…
But the gist of my impression is “Okay, this short evalation definitely confirms the differences but it also indicates a great deal of hope.”
You did the right thing.
Good on you to go get the eval. I imagine it was hard — and remember, those things (as a therapist) are a hard call because it’s a TOTALLY new environment. That freaks even the most well adjusted of kids out.
What a smart, independent, self-directed girl.
This is exactly what we’ve been through every time Bub has an evaluation. He can do everything on the list (almost), but none of it on command.
You went through with it, and that’s awesome. Very brave of you. And they didn’t really tell you anything you didn’t already know, right? Cordy is smart, funny and athletic. She has troubles with transitions, textures, and socialization. Now you know that you were right on with your OWN evaluation. And now you can get her the help she needs to move past those small issues and be able to spend more of her life happy than in tantrums.
Awesome parenting, hon. Take a deep breath and hang in there.
I can imagine that this was hard, but regardless, she is one smart cookie!
I don’t have any words of wisdom. I only know that EI programs are excellent. My friend Erin works for our county EI program and she reassures me that the early a child is evaluated the better able to provide therapy if a child is delayed.
This situation is very common today from what I’m told and I think you’re doing the right thing.
I can sense how difficult this is for you. I wouldn’t be any better with dealing with it if I were in your shoes.
I’m sending all my good ju-ju your way. -hugs-
The good news is that she’s fine in the learning department, she’s just having some problems in the social areas. It could be much worse. This is something that they can help her (and you) with. It’s a good thing you had her tested, so now you know what to do for her.
My sister watches a little boy with similar problems. After we started noticing his developmental issues when it comes to socializing and being gentle with other kids, she talked to the parents. They grew irate and refuse to have him tested or get help for him in any way. They think we singled out their son (when another of the parents who works with kids like him actually called it to our attention). So long story short, you did the right thing by getting help for Cordy.
This sounds like one heck of a challenging experience. I’m thinking you both are OK. 🙂
I meant to say “earlier” not just early. Ugh. Sorry!
Please, don’t be hard on yourself. I firmly believe kids are born with a certain temperment/personality and we just have to figure out the best for them to make their way through the world. I also firmly believe in early intervention. (Even if you think the issues will likely work themselves out, what harm would it do to get a little extra help.) My daughter went to speech when she was 3 and 4 and I have a son who spoke not a word during a whole year of preschool (at school that is). I worried so much about my son, afraid he would never fit into the regular world. They are now 12 and 13 and perfectly fine. I really feel like everything will work out with Cordy, too.
I have never been to any of these kinds of programs, although I know many that did. I personally feel that early prevention is one of the best methods towards anything. It was a little funny hearing 145 but if you ask me….we’re all a little off scale 🙂
dont worry about a thing. Just keep working at it! great post!
It really WILL be okay. Really.
I think you did great! You did the best for Cordy by being honest at the evaluation and open to their assessment. They will be able to give Cordy the tools she needs to cope with situations that make her uncomfortable and she will be fine!
A big pat on the back to you for going to the evaluation. I know that must have been hard but now you’ll take the next step and see where it leads. And don’t let that number freak you out, okay?
The fact that you went to the evaluation means you want whats best for her, and while she may need some help for a while and it might be hard, it will be worth it. Declan had several evaluations throughout the toddler years because of his preemiehood and he was always on the verge of EI for motor skills. In some ways I wishes he would just qualify so they could help him instead of teetering there on the brink. Either way, whatever she needs you will be on top of helping her with. Hugs.
Oh, Cordy and LA Toddler would be two peas in a pod. Yeesh. Our little dynamo does the opposite ALL THE FREAKIN’ TIME!
She is absolutely as stubborn as I am. But.. I didn’t get anywhere near that stubborn until much later in life – like when I was 6 or maybe 7.
Oy.
Glad she’s a smarty 🙂
You will be OK–eventually.
And she’s more than OK.
good for you for getting the evaluation. early intervention is the best way to get a handle on the problems, and the best chance of helping her and you deal with the social and sensory issues. It’s hard at first to feel and then have confirmed that there might be a problem, but you’ve taken the best first step, and it sounds like you have a good plan in place. Please read “The Out of Sync Child” It’s a great resource for parents whose children who have sensory processing issues.
I’m facing a similar problem and am not looking forward to the doctor visit.
I’ve got two of them, and they CAN do whatever they want.
But will they?
Nope.
They CAN use a fork or spoon, but refust to unless it suits them.
It’s maddening.
Hello,
I found your blog from another site I visit and truly enjoy reading your insights into parenting. I work with children like Cordy with the same sensory integration problems as a occupational therapist. I work through an outpatient pediatric clinic however many schools also have OT’s that work with sensory integration difficulties. If you are looking for a resource that may be helpful that I highly recommend for parents, it’s a book called “the out of sync child.” I bet you will find many ideas that will help Cordy with her transitions and sensory problems.
I hope this isn’t too much information from a random person reading your blog, but I read your post and wanted you to know that sensory integration difficulties are VERY common, and CAN be treated.
Good luck and give your little girl a big bear hug- she’ll probably like the deep pressure hugs more than the light ones. 🙂
Kristen
you will be more than okay … you took this first HUGE leap and you will do fine with it all! It may take some time and it may require lots of prayers but YOU WILL BE FINE! Cordy will one day thank you for taking this step because in the end it will help her too!
Christina, you and Cordy will both definitely be OK. Look at all the good news you got at your appointment: she’s a smart little girl with a lot of abilities.
Please let me know if there’s anything you need.
Sounds like you have a very intelligent daughter! She will get through this — because you are being a wonderful mommy by helping her through this. Don’t forget to take some time for yourself too 🙂