I Still Don’t Have A New Shirt

Last week, I spent a little time to go out shopping for myself. Knowing I’ll be able to ditch the maternity clothes soon, I wanted to grab a few new summer t-shirts. I do have several older t-shirts in my closet, but many have been stained thanks to the serious efforts of a toddler I know to drop things on me and use me as her personal napkin and tissue. I figured I deserved a little something new for myself.

I walked into Old Navy, started to look through the summer specials on the tables in the middle of the store, examining all of the new summer colors and thinking about what I could pair different shirts with. But then I absentmindedly wandered away and soon found myself in the section of the store that doesn’t fit anyone larger than 4T. I browsed the sale racks, looked at the new tank tops, and oohed over the cute summer dresses.

Twenty minutes later, I left the store with two t-shirts and a tank top – all sized 4T. Oh, and just to make sure I didn’t forget anyone, I also bought a sleeper for the new baby, too.

What happened to my plans to buy new clothes for myself? I wish I could claim this was an isolated incident, but this is often how it happens. I have every intention of splurging on myself, but then my “mommy brain” takes over and suddenly my wants are in the back of my mind, and replacing them are the needs for my child.

A few weeks ago, I sorted Cordy’s clothing and found that my Amazon child had outgrown 99% of her clothing from last year. That left her nothing for this summer, requiring an entire new wardrobe. I bought her a few things at a local used clothing store, but it still wasn’t much. I didn’t even have an entire week’s worth of outfits for her.

So naturally, when I walked into Old Navy last week, that little subconscious part of my brain directed my feet back to the children’s clothing section of the store, and I left with nothing for myself and more summer clothing for Cordy. Eh, I guess new clothes for me can wait. I’m not the one changing sizes every season.

This ability to place my child’s needs above my own is only one part of what makes me a mother. And thinking about this topic reminds me so much of my own mother. My parents divorced when I was a baby, and we had very little when I was growing up. Yet my mom always made sure I had new clothes for school, and even occasionally let me buy brand name clothing that cost way too much. One year, she even bought me one pair of Guess jeans – I was in heaven.

However, as a self-absorbed teen, it didn’t occur to me that my mom never had new clothing. It wasn’t until college, when she showed up for my honor society induction in a dress I wore to a dinner my freshman year of high school that I realized that I could recognize every outfit she ever wore. All of her clothing consisted of gifts, really old and well-worn jeans, or clothing that I had cast off in favor of clothing that was more “cool”. She never bought herself new clothing, because she felt she needed to provide for me first.

And now I see that the same instinct is alive and well in me. It’s not just my love of cute clothing for toddlers that keeps me from buying more for myself – it’s all part of being a mom.

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Edit: This post was one of the winners in TheGoodBlogs Mother’s Day contest – yay!
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