A Mommy Story

I forgot that Stefanie Wilder-Taylor was going to be on the Today Show this morning, but stumbled upon it while watching the news for weather, traffic, and closing updates. (In case you didn’t know, the sky dumped snow on us last night. Yay, winter!)

I was first reminded when they were sitting on the couch, discussing upcoming stories that hour, and they reminded viewers they would be revisiting the Cocktail Playdates story, after the uproar it caused last week. Apparently word reached them that people had some pretty strong opinions on the subject, including many bloggers who felt the segment was nothing more than an ambush on moms who think glass of wine while hanging out with other moms is OK. (Do a Technorati search for Cocktail Playdates to see many of the blog posts, or just see Melissa’s list of blog posts here.)

At that point, Matt Lauer put Meredith Viera on the spot, asking her what her opinion was on the topic of drinking around kids. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone sputter that much while trying to craft a politically correct answer on live TV. She spit out something about it being hard to give a direct answer, with pros and cons on both sides, blah, blah, blah. At that point, I decided Cordy could do without the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse today, because I was curious to see how they would revisit the topic.

While I knew Stefanie would be on the show, I wasn’t expecting Dr. Janet there again. But like a bad song that just won’t get out of your head, there she was. (“we need to find healthier ways…healthier ways…”) With the first question asked, I started to cringe when Dr. Janet immediately began her discussion with “drinking to self-medicate”. Here we go again.

The truth is, she wasn’t as harsh this time. She finally got past the “we need to find healthier ways…” scratch in the record, although she still wouldn’t accept that moms could drink at playdates. The issue of dads drinking around their kids was artfully skirted by saying that these drinking moms were the primary caregivers. Oh! It all makes sense now! We’re the primary caregivers for our kids, so we can’t have a glass of wine, but if dad wants to knock back a few beers watching the game while we’re out at the grocery, it’s OK, because he’s not the primary caregiver. And while Dr. Janet didn’t make it very clear, it seemed like she was saying if two parents are at an event together, that primary caregiver (AKA Mom) better not be drinking.

Apparently if a mom signs on to be a stay at home mom (or maybe they’re saying all moms are the primary caregivers? I’m sure stay at home dads love hearing that.), she loses all ability to monitor her own actions, and a glass of wine will make her a danger to herself and her children. Last I checked, even after one glass of wine, I still knew how to dial 911.

(Though only Cordy could hear it, I applauded and cheered when Stefanie asked if we needed to have “designated parents”. Brilliant.)

So what did I learn this time? Sadly, little changed with this second segment. Stefanie did an excellent job defending her position, but I still felt like Dr. Janet and Meredith were talking at her, instead of responding to her points. Personally, I don’t think moms are scared of being called a bad parent. I think we’re sick of being told that anything we do could make us bad parents, as if we are incapable of making reasonable and sane parenting choices.

I also learned that it’s OK to have half a beer around your kids, with your husband present, and only at dinnertime. (What happened to the line about any amount of alcohol being bad? Is Dr. Janet softening her position?) But if you want your own beer, or you happen to be only with other moms? Well, you’re out of line, little lady.