I forgot that Stefanie Wilder-Taylor was going to be on the Today Show this morning, but stumbled upon it while watching the news for weather, traffic, and closing updates. (In case you didn’t know, the sky dumped snow on us last night. Yay, winter!)
I was first reminded when they were sitting on the couch, discussing upcoming stories that hour, and they reminded viewers they would be revisiting the Cocktail Playdates story, after the uproar it caused last week. Apparently word reached them that people had some pretty strong opinions on the subject, including many bloggers who felt the segment was nothing more than an ambush on moms who think a glass of wine while hanging out with other moms is OK. (Do a Technorati search for Cocktail Playdates to see many of the blog posts, or just see Melissa’s list of blog posts here.)
At that point, Matt Lauer put Meredith Viera on the spot, asking her what her opinion was on the topic of drinking around kids. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone sputter that much while trying to craft a politically correct answer on live TV. She spit out something about it being hard to give a direct answer, with pros and cons on both sides, blah, blah, blah. At that point, I decided Cordy could do without the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse today, because I was curious to see how they would revisit the topic.
While I knew Stefanie would be on the show, I wasn’t expecting Dr. Janet there again. But like a bad song that just won’t get out of your head, there she was. (“we need to find healthier ways…healthier ways…”) With the first question asked, I started to cringe when Dr. Janet immediately began her discussion with “drinking to self-medicate”. Here we go again.
The truth is, she wasn’t as harsh this time. She finally got past the “we need to find healthier ways…” scratch in the record, although she still wouldn’t accept that moms could drink at playdates. The issue of dads drinking around their kids was artfully skirted by saying that these drinking moms were the primary caregivers. Oh! It all makes sense now! We’re the primary caregivers for our kids, so we can’t have a glass of wine, but if dad wants to knock back a few beers watching the game while we’re out at the grocery, it’s OK, because he’s not the primary caregiver. And while Dr. Janet didn’t make it very clear, it seemed like she was saying if two parents are at an event together, that primary caregiver (AKA Mom) better not be drinking.
Apparently if a mom signs on to be a stay at home mom (or maybe they’re saying all moms are the primary caregivers? I’m sure stay at home dads love hearing that.), she loses all ability to monitor her own actions, and a glass of wine will make her a danger to herself and her children. Last I checked, even after one glass of wine, I still knew how to dial 911.
(Though only Cordy could hear it, I applauded and cheered when Stefanie asked if we needed to have “designated parents”. Brilliant.)
So what did I learn this time? Sadly, little changed with this second segment. Stefanie did an excellent job defending her position, but I still felt like Dr. Janet and Meredith were talking at her, instead of responding to her points. Personally, I don’t think moms are scared of being called a bad parent. I think we’re sick of being told that anything we do could make us bad parents, as if we are incapable of making reasonable and sane parenting choices.
I also learned that it’s OK to have half a beer around your kids, with your husband present, and only at dinnertime. (What happened to the line about any amount of alcohol being bad? Is Dr. Janet softening her position?) But if you want your own beer, or you happen to be only with other moms? Well, you’re out of line, little lady.
I’d comment but I’m too drunk.
I have to check and see if I can see that segment, now.
I think I have nothing else to say on this that I haven’t already said, other than “phhhbbbttt” to The Today show.
Love Metro Mama’s quote!!
Yep– saw the whole thing live myself. Couldn’t believe that they brought up the primary care giver thing.
Sigh…. It is called judgement.
Let mothers use their own judgement and go worry about something else that is newsworthy and relevant.
Having us question our mothering on a daily basis? I can do that on my own.
Hey, found your blog from Troll Baby, I’m also in Columbus, and love your comments on the cocktail hour.
The only thing I liked about the interview was Stefanie’s comment about how both parents should have their own beer. Now, that was funny.
I am so glad to hear someone’s take, I missed it this morning, guess I’ll have to troll off and find it. So does Mom never get to tag as “it” the primary caregiver? I just can’t believe this is what passes as news these days, do they have no one else to pick on?
I wish I wouldn’t have missed this one. I can understand how some can worry about the “primary caregiver” getting falling-down drunk around their kids, but this is taking it too far. Any adult that’s had any drinking experience can handle a beer and still be able to fully function around their kids.
I’ve had hateful comments made to me about this. Personally, I won’t get in the car with my daughter if I’ve had ANYTHING to drink. So if we all go to dinner, either I drink or Dad does. When Dad does, it’s not an issue. When I drink, however, I get dirty looks from everyone in the restaurant. Apparantly my lack of a penis means I am not allowed to drink with kids present. I know there’s really no way to solve this issue, but it’s really getting old…fast!
That’s the thing about having an opinion dictated by liability concerns rather than by logic and reason: there is no way to respond to rational statements, because you can’t modify your position to accommodate reality.
I’m so tempted to write my post about this subject. As the daughter of a tavern owner — I’ve got lots to say — but this subject has been tapped into so much that I’m afraid my points would fall upon deaf ears.
It’s okay to have a glass of wine or even two at a playdate. I’m pretty certain if something horrible happnened someone knows how to dial 911 — and hospitals send out ambulances. They really are out to make moms feel guilty about this. It’s completely out of line.
I am too busy laughing at Metro Mama’s comment! *LOL*
*hiccup*
~Cheers!
It’s amazing to see how narrowly society defines women as mothers. It’s such a double standard. For example, if company drops by and our house is messy I know the judgment really falls on my head, not my husband’s. Furthermore, it often seems as if women judge each other more harshly than men judge women. (See Dr. Janet and M. Veira as examples).
http://jenjw4.blogpeoria.com/
Wait….I need to put down my martini and write a comment.
Meg you got it.
When I have done dinners with moms (some online moms get together) the guilty looks shifting around when the drink order comes up….and the looks you get if you order a wine or something…like you are CRAZY!! And this is from mom’s.
I don’t drink a playdates, because obviously I am not in the same social circles as everyone else and the idea of booze doesn’t come up.
We drink coffee or bring a pot luck lunch and watch the kids go nuts.
Nowadays I usually wait for a night out to have a couple of drinks or if we are entertaining.
But that is me and i have been accused of sacrificing all because I don’t have a cold one at my playdates…so really…nobody can win in this argument.
I was late for work watching that segment and so glad I stayed at home to watch it. I had missed the original airing and was psyched to see smoe more rebuttal. What a crazy topic. So unnecessary. And I really liked all her Stephanie’s replies.