I’m generally a nice person. I don’t like to see people unhappy, and I have a hard time hiding my emotions. You could say I’m a people-pleaser, and work hard to find some common element with others I meet. I know I’m a little geeky (OK, more than a little geeky), which isn’t exactly “cool”, but I’d like to think being a friendly, open person can go a long way.
Oh sure, I’ve had those moments of wanting to be popular, and trying to do anything it takes to hang with the cool crowd. In high school, the cool crowd were generally the “mean girls”, and in order to be cool, you had to be willing to be just as mean as them. I’ll admit that I tried to fit in with them, even going so far as to put down kids who were nerdier than me. Of course it didn’t work – I always found my conscience siding with the person I’d tease. It’s something I still feel guilty about, and hope that my teasing didn’t affect those kids the way I was affected by being teased myself.
Naturally, the mean girls could see right through my efforts, and knew just how to strike at my vulnerabilities. My good qualities – friendliness, openness – were used against me. They had the power to turn other people against me, make people question my abilities, and leave me in a sobbing heap on the floor.
But we’re all adults now, right? We’re past all this childish behavior, and if adults have a problem, they can sit down and discuss it like adults, looking for a reasonable solution. Right?
Apparently not. I generally don’t like to discuss my job on this blog, but today’s events couldn’t stay pent up inside me, tearing me apart little by little. The worst part is, the problems at my job have nothing to do with the students. My students are, overall, happy with my performance as their advisor and my student reviews are filled with praise for my abilities. My supervisor is equally pleased with my performance when looking at the quantified results of my work. However, it seems that one or more coworkers have decided that I am some sort of demon who needs to be exorcised from the campus.
I received a call today from my supervisor, wishing to talk for a moment about my performance. He asked me, on a scale of 1 to 10, how I would rate my relationship with the staff at the campus I work at. I told him I believed it was easily an 8 or 9, and that I got along well with everyone, was always willing to help them out, and felt that we all worked together as a good team.
So it came as a surprise when he told me that he had completed my review (the entire university goes through staff reviews every six months, and our performance bonus, AKA “raise”, is based on this review), but that the director of the campus I work at was insisting that my bonus be significantly reduced because of the lousy work I did. What?
I tried to ask for details, but my supervisor had little to share. He wasn’t given much in the way of details: It seems I work poorly with the staff, I don’t do any work, and there was something mentioned about finding a romance novel on my desk. No specific examples were given of what I was doing wrong, and yet because of this vague information, my review is being affected.
First off, a romance novel? WTF? I’ve never had a book at work with me, and I don’t think I’ve ever read a romance novel in my life. The only personal items in my office are two pictures of Cordy. And if I wasn’t doing any work, I think my supervisor would know about it, since the majority of my work involves appointments with students.
As for not working well with other staff, I’m baffled. This aspect was mentioned a year ago as well, and I stepped up my efforts after that last time to make sure I was being as helpful as possible. Even though it’s not part of my job, I assist at the front desk, help set up special events, and offer my help on a regular basis. And most nights I’m having a great time with the other staff – laughing, sharing stories, and working as teammates, certainly not enemies. Oh sure, I’ve been known to read a blog at work, even write blog entries on really slow days when all other work is done. But the other staff spend every day reading message boards, watching YouTube videos and calling their friends while at work. Yet I have no ability to affect their reviews.
I tried to explain all of this to my supervisor, and he told me that he felt I should know about all of this, and to watch myself around the director of the campus. “But,” I added, “I never see her! How can she say all of this when she never sees me work? I’ve seen her at our campus twice in the past six months.”
“Well, apparently she has a spy,” he replied.
Great. So now I know there’s some two faced bitch (it’s all women at this campus) who is sweet to my face, and telling lies about me behind my back. I have a good idea who it is, also. It’s someone who has changed her schedule over the past three weeks to make sure she’s rarely at the same campus as I am. And when I do see her, she suddenly has no time to talk with me, and acts like she’s in a pissy mood and wants to be left alone. This all started about the time our reviews began, meaning if she had lied about me to make herself look good for her review, she knew that at anytime I was going to find out.
So now I find myself completely trapped. I was already in a vulnerable position to begin with – I work at a different campus than the other advisors, and I’m part-time. But I’m also pregnant, so no matter how hostile my work environment becomes, I need to keep this job, because I need the maternity leave I have earned. I can’t quit, and of course I’m going to do anything I can to keep my job because I need that maternity leave. I’m also an open book and always expect the best in people, making me an easy target to exploit: they know I can’t fight back. It must be so much fun for them watching me squirm.
The worst part of this is that I have no recourse. I can’t defend myself, because I have nothing to defend against. I don’t even know the specific crimes I’m being charged with. I can’t prove who in particular has accused me of these vague crimes, so I can’t confront them about it. My review is being trashed, my bonus (which I don’t know how much it will be yet) will be practically nothing now, and now my supervisor and his superiors have reason to question my integrity and work ethic. All because of non-specific accusations.
Plus I am now clearly working in a hostile environment. How can I be my friendly, open self, knowing that someone there secretly dislikes me and is watching my every move to report me? I don’t even know how I am going to get through tomorrow at work. The remainder of today was spent fuming over that phone call and trying to fight back my tears from the injustice I was feeling. How can I smile at people who, when I’m not watching, are trying to force me to leave?
And why is this never brought to my attention, but always brought up at review time? If I was really doing something wrong, a simple talk with me could fix it right away. Instead, I’m never told about it, and then surprised with the news by my supervisor come review time. If there was really an issue, then it should be taken care of the moment it happens, and not left as fodder to damage my review.
I’ve been, yet again, taken advantage of by the mean girls, and totally missed it happening. I allowed myself to be open with my coworkers, thinking we were all friendly with each other, all the while letting my vulnerabilities show. I’m not only mad at them, I’m mad at myself for being duped again. Suddenly I’m right back to my junior high and high school days, running home crying after being the target of an attack by the mean girls, hiding in my bedroom and wishing I didn’t have to go back to school the next day.
I feel totally helpless and trapped. I don’t want to go back to work. But we can’t afford for me to quit, and getting a new job will mean no maternity leave. I’m so angry that I’ve been put in this position, out of the blue.
Is it May yet?
How shitty (can I say shitty here? You never know.)
I have had to work in an environment like that, went to work with my stomach in knots, and it was not pleasant. I am so sorry you are going through this.
I agree with the OP, this has nothing to do with you. This person obviously has issues, and has made you the easy target. Maybe he/she is jealous.
Keep your chin up, and I would make it a point to ‘kill them with kindness’, because mean girls? They hate that, they get their kicks by seeing you squirm.
Good luck, and again, I am so sorry you have to go through this.
I’m so sorry about this whole thing. Wow. It’s so sad to hear that people don’t have anything better to do than to ruin someone else’s life.
Just know that this REALLY doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with YOU, but with the person or people who are trashing you. Unfortunately you will feel the brunt of it. Know that YOU are a good person, and that these “others” are sad, insecure people who enjoy putting others down to lift themselves UP.
Stay strong. I know you can. Take good care.
Ah, man. I have no advice. But that totally sucks and I can understand how stuck you are. I hope you figure out a way to be happy at work and not let them get to you…
I can totally empathize with your situation. I have recently experienced almost an identical situation, but in the government sector. I thought I was one of the better employees and was well liked. But my boss recently called me in to let me know that mysterious “others” had told her that I was having problems, wasn’t proficient with my job etc. She was “warned” about me etc. And I too lost out on receiving my bonus due to this nebulous info. When I questioned the source of the comments and tried to improve my performance, it was brushed aside.
Now I dread going to work and document my every move in case they try to make any official moves. It sucks. When you find a solution, please post it.
I don’t have any advice for you, thankfully your last commenter covered all of that, but I sympathize on the tough working environment. Even if it’s part time, our work is such a huge part of our lives and if it’s unhappy it affects the rest of our life. Hang in there, sweetie. Big hugs to you.
I know this sounds extreme – but have you considered legal counsel? This sounds like harassment and/or slander at best.
My heart truly goes out to you.
But then again, I work for a major university and I must express my jealousy and say, “You get merit raises?!?!” I get a pat on the back and MAYBE, if all the stars are in alignment – 2%.
Perhaps a mysterious batch of chocolate chip exlax cookies should wind up in the break room?
This sucks. Sorry you had to hear about it at review time. I recently encountered (quite accidently) a “friend” who now refers to me as a “toxic client” of her scrapbooking business. She didn’t have the nerve to tell me that she found me annoying. I hated high school and I hate this kind of crap. I agree, take the high road. You’ll be glad you did.
The kicker here is that you DO have options. Grab your company policies handbook (or look them up somewhere) regarding this type of thing. Make an official request for documentation of your performance, and request a copy of your employee file. This is something they are required to give you.
Don’t just wait for the next hit. Be pro-active and inform yourself!
I know it’s hard to do when you’re down and kicked, but think of how nice it would be to be vindicated.
And I’m so sorry that you have to go through this right now. *hugs*
I can so relate to this…. I also work as a student advisor and we’re having a similar problem with someone who is new in our department, but has been around the college forever.
She’s been complaining about us other advisors to our new manager and unfortunately, our new manager fell for it. Didn’t really talk to us, just believed whatever she said. We got called into the office, individually, and pretty much hit over the head with some generic comments about what the “problems” were. It’s completely impossible to answer to it in this way, as you know, and I was to flabberghasted to keep my wits about me.
Anyway, the point is that our college has a Dispute Resolution Policy – and it was completely by-passed in the poor handling of the situation by our manager. I’ll be sure to point that out to her next time (and there will be a next time, ’cause the complainer has once again stopped speaking to us and is noticeably tense around us) it happens.
I’m wondering if you have such a thing in place and if you do, was it followed? Here, it is totally unacceptable to complain about someone behind their backs and get them in trouble (unless it’s something extremely serious, like sexual assault or something). The thing to do is to talk to the person and try to sort it out, before going to a manager. Not that this was followed in our case, but anyway. Should anything ever come up again, I hope I have learned my lesson.
Good luck getting through it. I know I could barely bring myself to go back to work when we were in the thick off it. Didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, the whole deal. Even now, everything is really tense and I’m just waiting for the shit to hit the fan… Not good. I’m sorta hoping my next midwife appointment will show high blood pressure so I can get a few days off 🙂 Not that that’s likely to happen since my husband keeps reminding me that according to my blood pressure readings I’m barely alive, but one can hope….
Sorry for babbling, but I so can relate…..
Good luck!
No way around it, you’re in a sucky situation. I’ve never understood why some people have to be so underhanded in their dealings. My mother always told me it was because they were jealous of me. Hope things get better.
Oh Goodness. I’m so sorry to hear that. It does suck. I hope you can come up with a resolution because you are not being treated fairly.
I would ask the women you work with, when the mean girl is gone, as a group, why they feel I am difficult to work with. I wouldn’t be confrontational; I’d probably take in donuts or something and ask if I could speak to everyone for a moment. I would calmly say, “I feel like we work well together as a team, and I feel I pull my weight. But if I don’t would you please say something to me because I like working here but I don’t want it to be awkward for anyone.”
Chances are everyone will be surprised at your comments and their reactions will verify your suspicions. They may even offer to talk to the supervisor for you. I had that happen once, and I approached everyone when the “mean” girl was absent one day. They went to the principal and the matter was settled.
She transferred to another campus shortly after.
If that doesn’t work I would look into harrassment issues…
This sort of catty behavior isn’t just for gals.
I remember one advisor at the graduate school where I was a student complaining to others that he felt I should be asked to leave because I wasn’t intelligent enough to be in the program. “She isn’t doing well in her courses” he told the committee. But the committee had to tell him I had received High Honors in all classes.
My understanding is that they need to give you specific examples of faulty job performance and I think you should insist on it. Vague allegations about romance novels do not justify a decreased bonus. Stand up for yourself! They’re not about to fire a pregnant woman.
Having met you, I find it impossible to believe that you are anything less than a pleasure to work with.
Give them my number, those rat bitches. I’ll set them straight.
so, I was trying to find a way to email you and ended up creating a blog…thanks…I think. Anyway, then I had to find my way back to you.
Email me please [email protected]
Hi there…just came across your blog via “the good blogs”.
Your supervisor is obliged to provide you firstly with documentation of the issues when they are first reported. Further, your supervisor needs to adequately document these supposed transgressions in your performance evaluation if they are going to impact your compensation.
Never, ever, ever should an employee hear about performance issues for the first time at their annual performance eval. Did I say, “Ever”? LOL. You might consider speaking w/ the Employee Relations arm of HR at the Univ./College you work at. And don’t be shy about throwing around a few words such as “Discrimination” and “Hostile Work Environment” and “Unsubstantiated Claims of Poor Performance”!
Now that I’ve gotten the HR stuff out of the way [I was an HR officer in a former life ;)], it sucks that the Mean Girls still cause us nice ones grief years past H.S. Sending lots of good vibes to you…I feel your pain!
High school follows us everywhere, doesn’t it?!?
I’m so sorry to hear about those bitches at work. But, as others have commented, you have a right to know specific examples about your performance issues under HR guidelines. I’m sure the University is managed under similarly corporate standards. I know it’s policy here where I work, which you know where that is. So I would think they are adhering to similar ethical standards.
I’m sorry I’m missing the big night out tomorrow night because I would love to lend you an ear on this topic. Hang in there.
Maybe we could sneak out one night and slash some tires?
Aw, Christina, I’m so sorry – university campuses can really be SUCH cesspools of pettiness. Hang in there, and keep being the rocking good lady that you are, and hopefully it will all out well in the end.
I somehow wound up here through google, but anyways.. I thought you should know that that is definitely slander and if I were you I would take legal or some other kind of administrative action. However, the kill them with kindness thing is a great idea too. I can’t wait to try that on people I hate.