A Mommy Story

Last week I was forced to venture out to the mall in search of moisturizer. My previous moisturizer was nearly gone, and, thanks to pregnancy, had lost its effectiveness anyway. My skin is normally sensitive and dry, so I sought out the help of my reliable Origins counter in Macy’s.

The young sales woman (maybe 18 or 19?) approached me as I was looking over the available choices. “Can I help you with something today?”

“Yes, I’m looking for a new moisturizer. My old one isn’t working well anymore.”

“OK, no problem! What’s your skin type? Oily? Dry?”

“Pregnant.”

The confused look on her face made it clear she had never been in my condition before. “Uh, pregnant?”

“Yes, pregnant. My skin is currently highly sensitive, oily at times, dry at other times, and generally unpredictable.”

She took a deep breath. “Wow, really?” I could see she still didn’t quite understand.

“Yep, it’s like condensing an entire adolescence into 9 months.”

“Ooooohh, OK.” There we go – I managed to find something she could relate it to.

I had clearly stumped the poor girl, so we decided to just look at the ingredients list on each moisturizer together to find the one least likely to make me break out in red patches. Knowing that any choice was a risk, she thought it best to send me home with some free samples to try out first before committing to any single product.

I’m encountering the same problem with shampoo, also. They don’t make shampoo for pregnant hair. I see shampoo for dry or damaged hair, oily hair, colored hair, etc., but nothing that is for “hair that is lifeless, oily at the roots but dry near the ends, and prone to change without warning”.

I’m still wondering when I’m supposed to get that “glow” of pregnancy. Right now my hair is flat and dull (but growing rapidly, just to make sure any cut loses its style in a week or less), my skin alternates between a snowstorm of dry flakes and erupting mountain-sized zits, and my waist has officially given notice and called it quits. I only hope my waist will once again forgive me and come back again after this baby is born.

A lot of this is very similar to my pregnancy with Cordy, only about a month ahead of schedule. Just like last time, I have yet to gain a pound with this pregnancy (still down a few from my starting weight, in fact), yet somehow my butt is twice as big. It’s clear the laws of physics don’t apply to pregnancy, for how can a body part expand to double its size without a single pound gained, and with no visible loss anywhere else? Are my fat cells filling with air? Surely there is no biological need for this, right?

Luckily, stretch pants are available, and for that I am thankful. Hell, Old Navy even shrinks their sizes so I can feel good wearing a L or an XL. I’ve never been into high fashion, so I feel no shame at all in wearing stretch pants every single day. And I now have stretch pants to fit nearly every occasion: shiny, smooth, and silky stretch pants for work, cotton stretch pants for everyday wear, and one old pair with a big hole in the thigh for wearing around the house. Pair them with a long tunic top for work, or a sweatshirt for home, and voila! Easy, comfortable maternity clothing.

Of course, with all of these changes to my body, people wonder why I don’t have any pictures of myself pregnant. I have two pictures total from being pregnant with Cordy, and they were taken at the same time, two weeks before my c-section. But this time, I’ve decided I’m going to take more pictures, at least to show off the pregnant belly growth. Just don’t hold it against me if I leave my face out of the picture, at least until I find a moisturizer that works.

(No, there’s no belly picture yet. Maybe in a week or two, once the belly starts to protrude more so I don’t look like I just have a beer gut.)