As of today, I hereby relinquish any claims I had of being a strong woman. I used to think I could take most things. I believed my pain tolerance to be high, and my sleep deprivation tolerance to be moderate. I thought I could handle most anything thrown my way. But I now realize I’m just a wimp.
This pregnancy is kicking my ass.
I don’t remember it being this hard last time. The fatigue is overwhelming, and I can’t quite figure out the right balance to keep my body happy. It could be that I have more going on this time – class, work, a toddler, etc. Last pregnancy, I worked from home, and I was able to follow my body’s lead. I could nap when I wanted, eat when I wanted, etc. I still had a lot of work to do, but I did everything on my own schedule.
With my current schedule, I often am forced to put off eating when I have a lot of appointments close together. I get more sleep than most people, but it is often interrupted several times a night by a certain Siamese cat who chooses to walk around the house yowling for no reason. Seriously, cat, it’s getting old.
And then there’s the issue of the sacroiliac joint pain. These two joints are still wobbly and as a result, cause some intense pain throughout the day. Last week, while grocery shopping, the pain reached an unbearable point as I pushed my cart through the aisles, and I did something I rarely do: I cried in public. I actually leaned on the cart and shed tears in the soup aisle of Kroger’s. A stock boy asked me if I was OK, and I explained everything to him. This poor teen, who probably wasn’t expecting to deal with a crying pregnant woman as part of his duties, took pity on me and fetched the two remaining items from my grocery list, because I couldn’t keep wandering around anymore looking for the ziplock bags and pickles.
I’m still thankful that he helped me, although it left me feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself, too. Aren’t I supposed to handle anything thrown at me? I recovered from a c-section with little more than a bottle of ibuprofen, refusing the stronger drugs almost entirely and rushing the nurses to let me get out of bed, push past the pain and get moving. But now I’m convinced it was only a fluke, and when I experience labor for the first time with this pregnancy, I worry I won’t be able to cope at all.
There are people going through issues far worse than a little joint pain, nausea, and fatigue – moms raising kids on their own, people with serious, painful, life-threatening diseases – how can I even think I could be resilient like them? Instead, under this little bit of pressure, I crumble and fall to pieces, feeling like each day is a mountain to climb. How can I think I’ll be able to handle two children if I can’t handle a second pregnancy?
And I can’t blame anyone but myself for this feeling of helplessness. My husband has been doing as much as possible around the house, taking Cordy in the mornings on weekends to let me sleep, and trying to be sympathetic to my complaints. But I’m sure he’s wondering what happened to the woman who breezed through her first pregnancy. I remember, when he was asked at one point how he was dealing with a crazy pregnant woman for a wife, he told his friend that I had few cravings, few demands, and basically little had changed. I made it look easy the first time around. But this time, add in only a few more responsibilities and one complication of pregnancy, and I’m a mess who gets up each day longing to crawl back in bed again.
So yeah, forget any image you may have had of me as a strong woman. (If you even thought that at all, of course. It’s quite possible you’ve always thought me whiny.) Because the truth is, I’m a wimp. A sissy. A weakling. And I’m certainly no role model to other moms out there, at least not until I can pull myself back together and get past this insane weakness that has taken me over.
Delurking… You are so not a wimp. The second pregnancy is so much harder than the first. I remember insisting that my son march himself up the 2 flights of stairs from the playroom in the basement up to his crib for naptime b/c I couldn’t bear to carry him. Walking from one end of Home Depot to the other was impossible. It’s amazing what having a toddler does to you when you are pregnant. I remember loving being pregnant with my first and hating most of it with the second. You’re doing great. You’ll mangage great once the baby arrives.
Christina, you are NOT a wimp! I want to share something with you about vaginal labor. It’s not as bad as people say it is. I’m going to get killed by women for saying this, but in my personal experience, it was easier than I thought it would be.
My friends, my family, my co-workers — they had me so scared about how “terrible labor is!!” and how “it hurts so bad !!”
I was so afraid of the pain that I ordered an epidural right away and it stopped working after 20 minutes and the anasthesiologist couldn’t fix it, so I had no pain meds.
When I had to push, it was easy. The nurse watch the monitor told me to push at the top of my contractions and lo and behold a baby came out. In fact they all looked at me when I said “That wasn’t so bad.”
Maybe I was just lucky, maybe all the walking I did when I was pregnant helped my body stay strong. Who knows.
The worst part was a year and half after Dawson was born when my sciatic nerve started acting up. The pain was so bad that even vicodin didn’t help and I cried all the time. In public, in private. All the time. But I made it through physical therapy and I’m okay now. Still have flare-ups, but I can manage them.
I think you just have to believe you can do it. Know that if you feel like you can’t, we all support you! This too will pass, and you’re entitled to your feelings!
Love you bunches, doll!
Dana
Hey. Hang in there. Many of us are feeling the same way.
And wimps we are not!
🙂
Christina, read this sentence again: “It could be that I have more going on this time – class, work, a toddler, etc.”
It could be, and IT IS! You aren’t a wimp, you will get through this, and L&D too. Hang in there!
You have a lot going on! I spent my last trimester on the couch because it was just too hard to move all that much. I did not have to do half of what you are doing, all I had was a toddler to deal with. Give your self a break! Cut yourself some slack, you deserve it.
Oh man. It’ll be ok… Each pregnancy is different. Some get easier than the previous, and some get it harder. I think most of us get it harder and are surprised at this! But your muscles and nerves and bones are already changed from baby #1 so you’re gonna feel things differently. And hormones. Well. Hormones suck. Hang in there!
OK, get a hold of yourself. You are not a wimp. If you are then I am one, too. Becuz my last pregnancy kicked my ass, too. I was a total bitch and tired all the time. I also had such terrible carpal tunnel syndrome that it kept me awake at nights, so in addition to the constant peeing and not being able to get comfortable, I got no sleep at all. So I had to quit work earlier than I thought becuz I thought I was going to be one of those superwomen and work until my water broke. Not the case. So hang in there. I can totally sympathize with ya. You’ll probably feel better between like 5 1/2 – 7 1/2 months.
Delurking to say that I totally know how you’re feeling. After reading your post I’m now sitting at the computer crying my eyes out as quietly as possible so as not to attract the attention of my sweet 2.5 year old who’s in the other room watching what might be his 5th hour of TV today. I’m 24 weeks pregnant with my 2nd and even though this pregnancy is way easier than my first it still sucks. I’m tired. I hurt. I’m irritable and weepy. And I can’t just crawl into bed because my boy needs me. I’ll just commiserate with you for a few minutes right now and then I’ll go turn off the TV and play with the boy. You’ll be OK…and so will I. Hang in there!
Be a wimp. Milk it. Enjoy it. I found with our first daughter life meandered in such a way that I had the luxury of saving each moment…enter daughter number two and I swear she sat up the third day home.They are 2 years and 6 months now and life in deliciously insane. Congratulations!
Be a wimp. Milk it. Enjoy it. I found with our first daughter life meandered in such a way that I had the luxury of saving each moment…enter daughter number two and I swear she sat up the third day home.They are 2 years and 6 months now and life in deliciously insane. Congratulations!
dude, you are building a person. it’s a pretty tough gig. you’re not a wimp, you’re a pregnant mom. i’d cry too. (and then i’d shake it off get even more sleep and have a better day, and i know you will too 🙂
btw – i had round ligament pain during my pregnancy – a more ridiculous, annoying, frustrating, painful, stupid symptom never existed (oh wait, heartburn). i thought i would die or kill someone for the pain in my legs.
Lady, you do have a lot going on. Just by the simple fact that you’re doing all of the other things while pregnant and you continue to get out of bed everyday makes you strong.
My last pregnancy kicked my ass, too. I got pregnant when Boo was a year old and I thought I was going to drop from exhaustion. You think “Oh, it’ll be fine, she’s not that much work, I can do this,” and then WHAM! It’s like being hit by a truck.
Cut yourself some slack. You are not a wimp. It’s amazing to me how much you’re doing. Seriously. You have a ton of stuff on your plate. Pregnancy is tough work. Mothering a toddler is tough work. Throw in a job, a class, a husband and a house? Dood. No wonder you’re tired. You have every right to be tired.
My 2nd Pregnancy was way harder than the first. I was in agony. When you’re done you’ll realize that you were alot stronger than you thought
You’re not a wimp – you’re pregnant and it’s not an easy thing to walk around with another human being growing inside your body. Every pregnancy is different and there’s no shame in admitting you’re having a tough time right now. I hope it get better for you. You’ll make it through and in the end you’ll have a beautiful little baby to cuddle and nuzzle.
I think you’re a very strong woman because you’re willing to take on the role of mother with another child, even though you know how demanding it can be, and you’re not afraid to be HONEST with an internet full of strangers.
I loved being pregnant the first time around, so I was totally blindsided by the second pregnancy, which was exactly the same as the first except not fun anymore. Amazing how quickly the novelty of being exhausted and nauseous wears off when you have a toddler!
Don’t worry about labour and delivery, though: you’ll be so ready to stop being pregnant by then that you’ll be thrilled to be having contractions! I think I spent the first half of my labour with the Pie in a state of euphoria – and then I spent a couple of hours wondering why I was such a wimp because those contractions, really, really hurt. And then I found out that was because I had gone from 3 cm to 8.5 cm dilation in 90 minutes.
So, yeah – after the pains of pregnancy, labour is a piece of cake!
I think this has already been said very well many many times in the previous comments, but PLEASE don’t beat yourself up over this. You have a LOT more going on this time around. Out of the items on your list I only had the toddler second time around and I felt the same way. I cannot imagine taking classes and working on top of just life with a toddler.
I also want to remind you that after your second little sweetums is born, you will recover a lot of yourself in terms of not being so fatigued. Okay, assuming your baby doesn’t have colic or wake up a lot. But seriously, just not having to MAKE the baby anymore takes a huge load off your body.
Even if you’re fully nursing you will feel more energetic – just remember that nursing makes you require way more food than even pregnancy!
You know what, Christina? I think you are a strong woman! You’re not a wimp! Not at all!
Maybe you don’t realize that you are absolutely ABLE to go through this pregnancy. You do the mothering, the house, class, everything. Two thumbs up! Except maybe about the joints. I’m sorry about that.
I had to go through my pregnancy (which was 2 years ago) with a very bad nausea and fatigue. I couldn’t even get up from my bed. Threw up everything I ate. I was totally awful! Thank God it only lasted for about 2 months. After that, I craved 🙂 and everything went well.
Maybe you need to slow down a little bit and let others do the things for you? I really hope everything goes better with your pregnancy.
Much love,
Adwina
I’m sorry you’re feeling so crappy. I feel like that a lot, and I’m not preggo! You’re not weak. Weakness is something different. It’ll all be over soon …
You are allowed to feel anything you like. C’mon, you’re pregnant. Your a goddess of creation right now, for crying out loud. Cry out loud if you need to. I cried a hell of a lot into my pillow during all three of my pregnancies.
Christina, I am so sorry things are sucking now. Cry and complain and do whatever you need to do. You are entitled.
And that does not make you a wimp. You still are very much a strong resliant woman.
Sending big hugs to you.
any woman who can carry a child in her body for 9 months cannot, under any circumstances, be called a wimp.
whoa. go easy on yourself! it’s not your fault your body is having a hard time carrying this kid. it says nothing of you ability to be strong or to take care of 2 kids. you can totally do it. just gotta get past that pesky labor part!
and i whole heartedly agree with Ali.
Commenting late here. Hope you don’t mind!
You are being WAY to hard on yourself. You are not a wimp. Every pregnancy is different and every childbirth is different. And different people cope differently too. For me, pregnancy was no walk in the park and neither was my basically non-medicated vaginal labor. Both were hard and I had my share of breakdowns. Don’t feel bad about crying in public or crying anytime you want to. It’s OK. You need to release the emotions that you are feeling. Not keep them pent up inside. And yes, we are not battling cancer or chronic pain or other things that are much worse, but it’s still hard being pregnant and we shouldn’t discount that just because there are other people going through harder things than we are. After all, there is always someone going through something harder than the next person.
And don’t feel like you have to apologize for it either. ((hugs))