A Mommy Story

Part One:

While shopping today with Aaron and Cordy, a saleswoman stopped me as Cordy ran by and said this:

– Look at those curls! I have to know – are those curls all natural?

My inside voice responded:

– No, we enjoy using a hot curling iron on our toddler every day.

– No, she sleeps in curlers and a face mask every single night.

– It’s the latest trend – perms for toddlers!

– No, she’s wearing a wig so she can be just like Suri Cruise.

– Are you that stupid to ask if my not-quite-yet 2 yr. old’s curls are natural?

My outside voice, however, simply said:

– Yes, those are her curls.

Part Two:

Later in the evening, I realized I needed to buy pregnancy tests to be ready for testing this weekend if my period doesn’t show. So I ran out for a quick trip to Kroger (it’s a grocery store) to pick a pack of pregnancy tests and some bagels.

I wandered Kroger for 10 minutes, trying to figure out where the pregnancy tests were hiding. They weren’t in the spot I remembered them in by the pharmacy. Nor could I find the contraceptives (they usually go together – find one and you’ll find the other).

Turns out, this Kroger is no longer selling condoms and pregnancy tests on the shelves. They’ve been moved to behind the pharmacy counter, along with all those other controlled substances, like prescription drugs and Sudafed. And since it was past 9pm, the pharmacy was closed and locked up, giving me no access to the pregnancy tests. I don’t know if this is becoming standard at other Krogers, but needless to say, I was pissed off. (Oh, and for the record – the yeast infection treatments, also generally found near contraceptives and pregnancy tests, were still out in easy reach.)

What possible reason do you need to keep contraceptives and pregnancy tests behind the counter? Are they being abused? Are people using these to make meth also? Last I checked, you don’t need a prescription for condoms or pregnancy tests. Besides, isn’t after-hours the one time when people should have access to condoms?

Can you imagine some poor couple running into the store late at night, after a nice dinner and on their way home, to grab some condoms, only to find out that they’ll need to come back between the hours of 10am and 8pm in order to purchase them? And if they should decide to risk it and go without the condoms, they’ll also have to come back during working hours to find out if she might be pregnant.

So because of this inconvenience, I was forced to drive over to Wal-Mart instead. And it was redneck white-trash night at Wal-Mart (wait…that’s every night), so it was packed.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.