Every now and then, a wave of embarrassment washes over me and I feel like I’m a bad mother. It could be when I drop my child off for babysitting, not realizing at first that I dressed her in shorts and a t-shirt for a day that will barely get above 70 degrees.
Or it could be when I’m in the car with a friend, with Cordy in the backseat, and as we drive past a McDonalds, she spots the Golden Arches and her little voice interrupts us with, “Nug-gets? Fwies?” (That is officially the name of McDonalds to her, by the way.)
Yes, I sometimes don’t dress her properly for the weather, and we do make way-too-frequent trips to McDonalds or other fast food establishments. At a day away from two years old, she still has no idea how to use a spoon or a fork, can’t dress herself, and she won’t drink from anything except a sippy cup.
In some circles, that might be enough to label me a bad mother.
And yet, anytime I need perspective, I turn to my mother. My mom works as a lab tech for a small hospital in my hometown. Since it is such a small hospital, anyone who works there tends to know what is going on with every patient that comes in. And sadly there is a high number of bad or abusive parents in that town, so they often see children brought into the hospital with varying signs of neglect or abuse.
Every now and then, during my daily talk with my mom, she’ll tell me about someone who was brought into the hospital that night or the night before. Sometimes she just tells me about running into people I went to school with, but other times she tells me horror stories of some of the children brought in to the emergency room. I think just talking about it helps her to cope with seeing these types of parents day in and day out so she doesn’t snap and yell at one of them.
The latest story floored me. A one year old boy was brought into the ER. His gums were extremely swollen, red, and bleeding. The baby teeth that had already come in were yellow or black, one was broken, and the others were falling out.
How did a one year old baby come to have such a diseased mouth? Because his parents filled his bottles with soda constantly. This kid didn’t drink milk, and he didn’t even drink juice. He drank nothing but soda, and was allowed to eat candy and suck on lollipops instead of pacifiers. His diet was nothing but junk food, fried food, and candy. His mom ate that way, so she didn’t see why he couldn’t just eat what she ate. Obviously, she didn’t brush his teeth, either. She fed her child whatever he liked, and he just happened to like the sweet taste of soda and candy.
That little boy is now in foster care, thank goodness. The foster dad is one of my mom’s coworkers, and he said it has been difficult to break this tiny child of his bad habits. You can’t leave a can of soda anywhere in a room, because he will find it, crawl to it, and drink it right from the can. The baby is addicted to sugar. He doesn’t like to eat solids because his mouth hurts too much.
The foster dad took the little boy to a dentist, and the dentist said that this child’s mouth is so injured and diseased, that he will probably have to face dental surgery in the future, and may have problems with his permanent teeth when they come in.
What parent could do this to their child? While I doubt few parents follow all the rules all the time, who could so blatantly hurt their child by giving them soda in a bottle? Even as a kid, I knew that, even though I liked soda a lot, it wasn’t healthy for me. Surely an adult can figure this out.
Malnutrition is a steady, silent problem in the US, not just because some families have trouble affording good foods, but also because some families choose to eat only junk, putting the health of their children in jeopardy. I can understand the appeal to some extent – junk food is sometimes cheaper, and generally easier to prepare or already prepared for you. It’s easier to go through the drive-thru at McDonalds for a $2.50 Happy Meal than it is to go home, prepare food, and cook a meal for a child. I admit I do it far too often, but certainly not for every meal, or every day.
While stories such as this little boy’s make me realize that I’m a pretty good mom, they also lead me to wonder how problems like this can be fixed. Children don’t learn about the food pyramid and what foods are good and bad for them until they’re in school – by that point habits are set and it is far too late for many.
When I was discharged from the hospital after my c-section, they gave me all kinds of information about breastfeeding and about keeping myself healthy, but nothing was said about making sure I transitioned my child from milk to healthy foods. At each pediatrician visit, they would ask what she was eating at that point, but nothing more was said. Maybe they would have said more if I had answered, “Oh, her favorite foods are pizza, chocolate cake and Mountain Dew,” but then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone who does feed that to their kid lies about it to the doctor. Truthfully, I’d bet many parents like this don’t even bother attending all of the recommended check-ups.
I wish I knew of a solution to make parents better educated about healthy eating for their children. Or for their entire family, for that matter. (Yeah, I know, pot calling kettle black here, but at least I’m trying.) There needs to be a way to reach parents and stress to them not only the importance of feeding their kids good foods, but also the possible consequences that could happen from eating junk food. The anti-abortionists have their giant signs with pictures of aborted fetuses (gross, by the way) – maybe we need giant billboards with pictures of that one year old’s mouth, or an obese 4 year old who can’t keep up with his peers, or a 7 year old checking her blood sugar levels due to Type II diabetes.
As far as I’m concerned, Cordelia will never know the taste of soda until she’s much older. Right now, she picks up soda cans, looks into them, and says, “Yuck.” I encourage her to keep saying yuck, too. She knows the word “cookie” and all of the sweet tastiness that comes from that word, but what she doesn’t know is that the cookies I give her as very occasional treats are actually Arrowroot cookies with added vitamins or whole wheat cookies. Right now, her only drink choices are milk (her favorite), juice (actually 1/3 100% juice with 2/3 water added), and water.
I hope that as she gets older, we can convince her to try new foods that are healthy, and avoid the junk food trap to give her the best start in life possible. I only wish some parents would want the same for their children.
This is such an epidemic problem. And no mistake, it is a huge problem. It’s very sad.
The only thing sweet Cakes has had, besides the occasional mum mum, was her 1st birthday cupcake.
All things in moderation…or most things. We have offered our son a taste of soda (caffeine free) twice. Both times he was less than impressed. He loves milk and water. He tolerates juice. He refuses chocolate milk when they offer it for a treat at daycare. Sometimes, when we get McDonalds (maybe once a week), we feel bad, but we know we are doing so much better than SOME people. We have fruits and veggies with our dinner every night, and the sweets are kept to a minimum.
Amen. Soda in bottles? Oh my.
I’m even weary of putting juice mixed with water in a bottle, in fear that she’ll get icky teeth (something that my middle sister had to endure due to a grandmother that loved to put apple juice in her bottle).
I could not have said it any better. I try hard too. We do eat out more than we should, but for some reason, Claire LOVES vegetables and fish! I don’t know what I did right.
She does get some soda when we have it, but it’s in a kid size cup, 1/2 full.
That poor baby, I am glad he is in better care!
I once saw a photo of an infant’s rotting teeth due to being given bottle of milk in their crib. It seriously spooked me out.
At a mall, I saw a woman giving her child under one, a bottle of chocolate milk. I was shocked!
Are some people that uneducated about nutrition? I don’t think anyone would do it outright to harm a child. At least, not in their right mind!
Scary isn’t it, when you stop and realize how many kids out there are being raised with parents who are complete idiots.
I get the whole McDonald’s thing, my kids still light up when they see the golden arches; and I have been known to make canned soup full of salt instead of making the real stuff.
But a bottle full of soda? She ought to be ashamed.
I just finished reading “The Glass Castle” by Jeannette Walls. Did I mention this before? I plead old age if so.
Anyway, get a copy. Her parents are so incredibly nutty and irresponsible (they let her cook hot dogs on a gas stove unattended at age 3 wearing a polyester tutu…with very bad results) that you will feel like parent of the year by comparison.
Oh that poor child, and that mother! Sigh. It’s not right. My little cousin who’s 8, is about 140ish lbs. The poor girl is so obese that she can’t wear the same clothes that her friends do, she needs a women’s large. Her parents have fed her badly since infancy. Even as a toddler she would reject the cookies, and yet her mom would be persistent in giving them to her.
“DOn’t you want the cookie? It’s yummy, you like cookies!” So now she does want them, all the time. Her parents don’t see anything wrong with her. It makes me so angry that they have done this to her. It makes me angry that her doctors haven’t done something. Unfortunatly my uncle has ostracized himself from the family and won’t allow her to see anyone. Although I am the only cousin she knows… but it breaks my heart. SO all of that being said, I think you are a fabulous mother!
My pediatrician tells me similar stories, and it breaks my heart.
I can’t even wrap my head around it, really. It hurts.
My God that is a horrible story. And the saddest part is that it’s one of so many.
It’s hard, though. I try my best to feed my kids well and yet anytime we’re with other kids, people give mine fruit snacks, “juice” boxes, cookies, and the list goes on. I usually let them have it so I don’t come off as a total grinch, but try to counter with my own healthier snacks.
I used to shake my head at what other parents brought for their children’s lunches at daycare. (In NJ, food was not provided – we packed lunch for Tacy every day.) Tons of pre-packaged, preservative-filled, convenience food. I feel bad for having judged these parents – the convenience probably outweighed the expense – but I still wonder if their children ever had fresh fruits and veggies, and how their eating habits as toddlers have affected their eating habits now.
Oh God that story made me so so sad. Ugh. There are no words.
You’re right, we call ourselves “bad mothers” somewhat hyperbolically, as we strive to some notion of perfection. It’s a good reality check that there really are bad mothers out there. Mothers who should not be mothers. And not because they’re using formula or letting their kids cry it out in the crib.
There are actually a lot of efforts to change the nutritional intake of kids in this country. I know Rob Reiner’s org, Parents Action for Children has some kind of effort and certainly there’s the whole lobby to get Coke and Mickey D’s out of the schools.
Fantastic post Christina. A whole lot to think on.
That is an incredibly sad story about that little baby. I remember seeeing a documentary that showed baby bottles with soda labels like “Coca Cola” written in large letters up the side. These companies actually market their products to parents and children. And some parents really aren’t educated enough to know any better – as shocking as that is. I don’t know what the answer is, but it’s an important issue. Thanks for posting on it.
this makes me so sad; so angry.
I sometimes wonder if my knowledge of nutrition and emphatic insistence that our family eat healthy food is (again) a mere side effect of privilege.
but really? even the least educated of parents HAS to know that pop is full of sugar and that fast food is not healthy, but like you said – it’s cheap and it’s everywhere. Yes, let’s continue educating parents, because no child should be malnourished. but how about more accountability – from parents and corporations?
I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who thinks that way! While I’m not a shining example of a person who eats a well-balance diet, I am trying really hard to set a good example for my daughter. She, at 10 months, only knows formula or water and sometimes I’ll give her juice — very diluted, like you give Cordy. No candy or sweets around here. The only dessert we give is fruit in the form of baby food.
Don’t think that you’re a bad mom for those things. You are a far cry from a bad mom. I know we all have times when we feel like this, but it is almost never true.
Well said, and I agree.
My five year old thinks soda, or anything with bubbles, is gross which I think is great. She has plenty of time to discover soda and other things. For now, I want to teach her good habits and fill her full of good things while her body is so little and growing so rapidly.
I don’t restrict her on any type of candy or sweet, only that it be a teeny, tiny amount and only after a good meal. I insist she sit down to eat hard candy because I’m fearful of choking.
That’s just what I’ve chosen to do. It’s not like I know everything, though. I just try the best I can do. I agree, though, that nutrition should be an important point to make, for children’s sake.
We once lived near people who only fed their kids Top Ramen. The parents had a drug problem and spent the rest of their welfare money buying drugs. The littlest girl’s teeth were rotting out of her head! She was three at the time. The county said it was a “lifestyle choice” and they couldn’t intervene. Shameful.
I don’t know if you ever read Troll Baby, but she just wrote about something like this, too. It’s appalling – that so many children are not only being neglected, or (in the case of the little boy whose story you told here) abused. Usually because of the circumstances of poverty. Heartbreaking.
Frankly, it is cheaper to eat fresh foods than pre packaged convenience or fast food. It’s not faster, as preparing a fresh meal at home takes longer, but it is cheaper, at least if you have a discount store around. Alidi’s Save A Lot, Marcs (are regional here), the evil Wal Mart. Many even carry organic products. My family was actually able to trim money from our food budget by buying around hte perimiter of hte grocery store- and not entering into the middle aisles except for whole wheat pasta. Think about it- produce, meat/seafood, dairy, grains are all on the outside of the store. The simple fact remins that eating habits are choices, and a parent needs to make these choices early on for their children, so that later the child will make good choices on their own.