Somedays, I just want to scoop up all of my readers and give them a big hug. Last week I had my mini-breakdown, wondering how I could possibly keep up the crazy schedule I’m living right now. I really appreciated all of your comments, and it felt good to know I’m not alone. In the middle of all of those comments, there was also a little offer for finding a solution.
Devra from Parentopia.net left a comment on that post offering her help. You may or may not know Devra and Aviva, co-authors of the book Mommy Guilt. (Side note: I met Devra at BlogHer 06 and she is probably one of the most upbeat, funny and friendly women I have ever met. She’s tough to keep up with at a party!) This type of problem is one they love to tackle.
I read her comment and thought it over for a few days before e-mailing her to take her up on her offer of assistance. I sometimes have trouble admitting I need help and that maybe I can’t do it all. So once I saw the offer, I wondered if I had opened myself up too much, and revealed myself as the flawed, scared, frustrated mother that I am. Then I realized I was being silly – after all, I’ve never said I’m perfect. Since day 1, my parenting of Cordy has been a haphazard by-the-seat-of-my-pants style. That’s part of the reason I started blogging – most of my friends have no kids, and wanted to find a community of people to share advice with, and to commiserate with in this crazy ride we call parenting.
Blogging is the best open forum a person can ask for. For me, it’s like having a personal diary with a multiple personality disorder – I can write out my private thoughts, and different “voices” then take over and give me advice, criticize me, laugh with me, or just say hello and offer me free Playboy. (Yay, spammers.) Of course, now I can put faces to many of those voices after BlogHer, but the comparison still fits, I think.
In the first section of their book, Devra and Aviva address the Seven Principles of the Mommy Guilt-Free Philosophy. This week, they will be using my real-life situation to talk about the first principle: You must be willing to let some things go. I can see how I’m a good candidate for this one.
But here’s where this becomes interesting for you, too. Certainly I’m not the only one out there up to my eyeballs in mommy guilt, and struggling to balance my life, right? Devra thought it would be interesting to have other bloggers work with them for the other six principles, so that in all, seven moms get some expert help.
(Note: I’m hoping some of you will volunteer. I initially thought of tagging others, but then I thought that might be interpreted as me saying, “Hey, I think you need parenting help, you lousy mom.” Which, of course, is not what I would think at all.)
So, anyone in this with me? The first principle will be up on Parentopia later this week, with other principles to follow in later weeks, or as often as Devra and Aviva have time.
I’ll play, but only if six other people don’t volunteer. It’s kind of cheating for me because Devra is my friend IRL. Still – it sounds like a good idea.
Pick me, pick me! I need to do so, so much more of #6, but I’ll take whatever help they decide to give me.
#5 is the thing I need help with the most. I’m with you!
Hope you’re feeling better.
Hugs,
Karen
I’m in. #7 is what I need to work on.
I’ll throw my hat in. One or two (but especially one) are where I need help…
(hugs from me, btw, for your bad time.. ((())))
I am so impressed at your ability to allow someone to help you. I think I need to lop off a finger to get up enough nerve to ask for a bandaid, never mind a ride to the hospital. I’ll have to go check out those principles you linked to. I don’t know if I’m going to join you but it sounds interesting!
I’ll do it– especially 3, 4, or 5, but I’m a guilt-addled mommy– I could use help in any area. 🙂
Hey I’m in! I need help in so many areas. I see people volunteering, so just throw me in where you have room. Keep in mind that my kiddo is only 9 months old, but I’ve got guilt out the ass!
#4 and #5 are the toughest for me
I have loads of guilt. so i’ll throw my hat into the ring also.
Wow, that is so cool of Devra. What a woman! I would love to play but I would have to have kids first.
Gosh, we’re on the same wavelength today aren’t we? I’ll play along. God knows I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Christina – thanks so much for the intro to the Parentopia site. I went over there and it’s great information.
Great post, as usual. You seem to be the blogging goddess.
You mean guilt is not normal??? My child is young, but I’ve already started stockpiling guilt. Especially now that The Deuce is coming anyday now. I worry that Aveline is being short changed somehow.
The second principle is an easy trap for me to fall into. I am an incredibly competitive person by nature. Couple that with the fact that nearly all of my close friends and family members have had babies recently, and you can see why I get snared almost daily.
How are your classes going?
Hi everyone!
First let me say that asking for help when we are stressed out, confused, overwhelmed, guilty is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s not always easy to ask for help, so all of you need to give yourself a hand for what you are going to do next!
As for guilt. It is utterly NORMAL! It is a part of parenting, comes with the territory. Now, what you do about it, your coping skills and how much it takes over your emotional health, that is the key as to whether you’re overdosing or underdosing on it. Aviva and I do think the term “balance” is unfair to most parents, because the opposite is “imbalance” and why would we need to consider how “imbalanced” we might be just because we have lots of stuff going on that we are trying to work around, in, over, under and thru? Aviva and I are really looking forward to going thru the principles with all of you!
Number 7, baby, number 7. Especially now with moving and getting a job and having two blogs so I can start to earn a living with my writing and wanting to go to grad school…
whew. Catching my breath.
Oh, and Em is ready to potty train. Kill me. Please. I’m not starting her until we move and I feel terrible that I might stunt her!
This is all really interesting and I am really excited to see you go through the process. I hope this helps you.
I think you and I need to switch friends. Most of mine have kids or are getting pregnant. I feel so out of the loop!
I’ll volunteer! Sounds like something I need to do! Where do I sign up?
No. 4 for me. Learning how to do this might go a long way in learning patience. Maybe?
Disclaimer: I know Devra IRL too.