We were at the local mall play area the other day, letting Cordy blow off some steam and run like a mad toddler. She doesn’t really play with other kids – she just likes to run around and around and around the play area. As long as she’s having fun, I’m OK with it.
There was another little girl I noticed in the play area. A very pretty little girl, with dark skin and dark curly hair, and maybe three or four years old. I watched her play a little while watching Cordy also. Her grandmother was sitting about 10 feet from me, half-ignoring the little girl’s requests to watch her perform each stunt she attempted.
But then I watched this little girl’s grandmother yank her off one of the climbing toys and drag her to the bench. The grandmother was hissing, “That’s it. We’re leaving. I’m never bringing you back here ever again!”
The little girl, of course, was crying at having been abruptly pulled from her play and forcefully sat on the bench. I turned my head away from the scene, until I heard the sickening sharp smack! sound.
“Stop it and get your shoes on!” Smack! The grandmother had just smacked the little girl on her bare leg again. This just made the little girl cry harder and try to push her grandmother away from her, resisting the efforts to get her shoes on. At this point I was across the play area from Aaron, but we locked eyes, and it was clear we were both focused on this domestic scene.
Finally the grandmother crammed the shoes on the little girl. The little girl continued crying, with the grandmother yelling at her, “You shut up right now! Just shut up!” She smacked the little girl on the leg one more time, then dragged her out of the play area, saying, “I don’t think I like you anymore! I’m never taking you out to play again.”
What was the little girl’s crime that deserved such a punishment, you ask? She slid down the hard foam slide backwards, which her grandmother told her not to do. She did it safely, and honestly it’s a very short slide, so she wouldn’t have been hurt anyway. But that single transgression led to the grandmother telling the little girl that she didn’t like her anymore, hitting her, and roughly dragging her away from her playtime.
Aaron and I looked at each other again after she left. We were both stunned, and didn’t know how to react in a situation like that. We talked about it afterwards, and agreed that we didn’t understand what the poor little girl did that was so bad to deserve that treatment.
Looking back, I wonder if I should have stepped in or said something? The woman was in such a fury that I was a little scared of her myself. But what could I have done? Reporting her would have been a little extreme – she was smacking the girl on the leg (and I know that a leg slap can produce a very loud sound for little effort), but she didn’t hit her in the face or with a closed hand. At what point am I a concerned member of society or an overbearing busybody interfering in the business of others?
I know that I learned my own parenting lesson that day. My own views on raising a child were reaffirmed watching that scene. The punishment should always fit the crime, and I saw nothing that little girl did to deserve the punishment she got. Plus, I am even more determined to never talk to my daughter like that woman talked to her granddaughter. Seeing the pure confusion, terror and sadness in that little girl’s face…well, it’s something that will stick with me for a long time.
I can only hope the little girl has loving parents that would never treat her that way, and hopefully parents that will discover how grandma treats their daughter and forbid her from spending time alone with that little girl ever again.
gawd, I so did not need that tonight, tonight as I was putting Walker’s pj’s on (yes he is 3 and can do it but it our normal nightly routine, he still likes it and I don’t normally mind), but tonight, he went to kicking like a wild person, I don’t know what in the world he was doing but I couldn’t get him to stop and he was kicking me, nearly in the face, I pop him on his leg, again the sound made more of a bite than the actual spanking but the tears, my God the tears were horrible, he is turning into a nurturing 3 year old instead of an vigilant wild boy and I can’t stop long enough to see it in him…he is behavior is much better than say 2 m onths ago..therapy has helped I’m sure and he is growing older, just hearing this story breaks my heart for all the little kids that get “smacked” and then I go and do it myself. We had basically agreed that spanking is out unless it is warranted for the crime, tonight, I still believe it was warranted, he was about to fall off the bed all the while kicking wildly, but it still hurts me to read this and think about my sweet baby in there and how bad it hurts to see him hurt..gawd, I gotta go get in bed and quit reading I’m so upset…I didn’t mean this rude, just a piece to let you know that your writing touched me!
Delurking to say that your post broke my heart. Poor child. I saw something like that years ago, way before I was even married, and the scene still haunts me to this day. I’ll never forget it. I often wonder if I should have stepped in as well but the woman I saw repeatedly spanking her VERY young child was in a car with a man standing at the door next to her so there’s not a heck of a lot I could have done. Still, the whole thing makes me ill. If only we could protect them all…
That is just terrible. I do not think stepping in would have helped. I mean this lady was doing it in public, she obviously thought she was doing nothing wrong….
I would like to think I would have called the police or something….but I would have been as shocked as you!
How sad for that little girl
That broke my heart.
I would like to think I’d know what to do in that situation but I honestly don’t think I would. I feel so deeply for this little girl..
Goodness, that was awful. I could see it in my mind and, well, you made me cry. In your defense, I’ve been up for over 36 hours and I’m a bit loopy but it’s such a sad thing. Because a child of three or four didn’t listen… you tell her that you don’t LIKE her anymore?!?!?!?! I don’t understand. I’ll say a prayer for that child tonight.
I think Aaron hit it on the head with the last line of the grandmother. Those verbal barbs can be just as damaging as the physical blows. I hope her parents are nothing like that. Unfortunately, we are a product of our parents and upbringing, so the apple probably fell right below the tree.
What struck me (besides everything that’s already been said) was that it was the little girl’s grandmother who did/said this. I remember my grandparents as people who would do ANYTHING for me and were always patient and loving.
That poor, poor child. The whole spanking debate (for us) is a very confusing subject, but none of what the grandmother did is warranted. I hope the little girl has another grandmother who treats her like a grandparent should.
I just wanted to say something back to Jerri Ann.
None of us are perfect human beings, and our children are better at pushing our buttons than anyone else in the world. Christina and I both don’t believe in spanking (for us and Cordy, I don’t want to get into the “to spank or not” debate with parents who believe in spanking, but it’s not something we want to do with Cordy), but we have both given Cordy swats on the butt in extreme moments (usually after she’s bitten us).
There’s a difference between that and what we saw. This wasn’t a “heat of the moment and lost control” thing. This wasn’t punishment for an inappropriate act carried out in a loving and nurturing way. If the grandmother had seen the girl slide down backwards after she told her not to, and then collected the girl while explaining “I told you not to do that and you disobeyed, so it’s time for us to go,” Christina and I wouldn’t have had the reaction we did.
This was repeated, deliberate acts of violence done because the girl didn’t listen to her and then continuing because the girl cried because she was being yanked off the playground (and probably a bit physically hurt besides).
I’d like to say that I am so perfectly in control of myself that I’ll never again spank Cordy, but I know that’s probably not true. But I do know that I will never repeatedly hit her, and will never inflict that kind of verbal abuse on her. She will never recieve punishment without the punishment being explained; “This is what you did, so this is the result. And this is why you need to not do what you did.”
But most importantly, she will never hear from me “I don’t think I like you any more.” -shudder-
I would love to have the courage to speak up in those type of situations. Probably all I would be able to do is offer up a few glares. There’s so little you can do – I agree it doesn’t sound like you could have called in the authorities. Poor little kid.
Oh man. I teared up reading this. I hate situations like that, because I too, feel the need to butt in and it’s probably none of my business. But I did it once at the grocery store. I saw a women yelling at her toddler for wanting candy. The little boy was just having a tantrum and the mother slapped him on the face — in front of everyone at the check out line. I lost it and said, “All you have to do is ignore the tantrum. We understand kids cry. That slap was not appropriate!!” She just looked at me, called me a not so nice name and you could tell she felt guilty. She should have.
“i don’t like you anymore”???? To me that’s WAY WAY more hurtful than the slaps. Wow. My heart aches to hear about this and I honestly don’t know what I would have done. Probably nothing, honestly.
That is terrible. While, I have to admit, I have given claire a little tap over really bad behaviour, it would NEVER be over something so simple. How damaging to that poor little girl to be told her own gma doesn’t like her anymore? I would die.
I don’t know that I would have done any more than you did. Those moments freeze for me. I would have been paralized.
Oh my goodness! that poor little girl. i wonder if her parents know how her grandmother treats her. The poor thing – actually i sure hope it doesn’t happen with her parents too. I don’t think you should have said anything – it probably would have made a big scene and she would have taken it out on her granddaughter.
It is so hard to know when and where it is ok to get involved. I probobly would have done the same thing you did in that situation. I feel terrible for that girl.
I have had to intervene once in a situation that I felt was unsafe for the children involved. There was a car in front of walmart (not in a parking spot, directly infront of the walmart building) and it was running. I was outside waiting for my husband to pick me up (he ran another errand with the kids). I sat there for 10 min before my husband got there. The car never moved and while there I could not see who was in it. When I walked past the car, I noticed a infant and a toddler in the backseat with no adult in site. I was floored. My husband and I debated for 5 minutes on what we should do. He called the police. We waited behind the car until the parent came and /or police. 5 minutes later (total time now 20 minutes that I have seen)the mother walks out and opens her car door (doors were unlocked too). Husband gets out and tells her she needs to wait because he has called the cops. They had a heated exchange of words but she did stay. Even though I am sure we did the right thing, I feel terrible about it. I did not want her to get into trouble, but what would have happened if a less than desireable person took off with her car and her kids? In that situation, I didn’t feel I had much of a choice.
The line though of when to interfere and when not to is a tricky one. I admire you, though, for asking the questions you did. It takes guts to bring up such a controversal topic.
I am shocked. I can’t believe that. It’s amazing how some people treat their own flesh and blood. And a child? That’s just wrong. I’m not sure what I would have done either. I probably would have sat there with my mouth wide open but you’re right, at what point are you just being overbearing? Interesting question. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute. How would you react if someone came up to you to interfere? I know there are times when I get annoyed at people who “mean well” and tell me that J is doing something she shouldn’t be. I feel like, she’s my daughter, I’ll decide what’s safe and unsafe. The situation you witnessed is different because their was physical action, but I bet the grandmother would have been pissed.
the recounting of the scene has my stomach in knots. I might have been too stunned to say anything and i also would be worried that my intervining would bring down harsher punishment on the girl once she was out of my line of sight. I might have looked for mall security to say something, just so that woman would know that people were watching
I hate situations like that. I normally end up giving whomever the evil eye, not being brave enough to actually get in the middle of it. It’s so hard to know what to do.
This story is just so sad. I actually read it a few days ago and didn’t get to comment because the baby woke up, but I have thought baout it several times since then. I wish I could say that I would have somehow diplomatically intervened, but I know that I would have done exactly what you did. What can you do in that situation? It sounds like something was wrong with that woman. I just hope the girl’s parents realize it and don’t let her spend time with her alone much longer.
ok i read this post yesterday but couldn’t comment because it upset me too much. i pray that the little girl in question does not live a life like that day to day, i pray that if she does, she has unconditional love and gentleness elsewhere in her life, and i pray that she grows to understand that children should be loved and cherished.
This really disturbs me. In the pit of my stomach. Grandparents are supposed to be the people you run to for unconditional love and support. Curses on that grandma for being so mean.
That poor little girl, knowing me I probably would have said something & I am sure it would have done no good.
I am praying for that little girl!