A Mommy Story

When you sit in the first meeting of your Chemistry lab class, and write a blog entry longhand…you might be a blogging addict. Or just really bored. Or both.

The following post was written out on notebook paper as I endured the first evening of my Chemistry class two weeks ago.

He’s the instructor you dread. CHEM 100, basic Chemistry. Remedial chemistry, honestly. You try not to think of the stereotypes, but you can’t avoid it. He’s short, rounded, and balding. Large glasses, oversized t-shirt, loose jeans, tennis shoes, and a high nasal voice. Worst of all: an unbridled love for chemistry, and he expects you to be just as in-love with it also.

“Don’t think you’ll be getting out of a lab early. We’ll be here the full 4 hours each time.” Oh God. You must be trying to torture me, small man. He practically bounces with joy as he opens the glassware cabinet and explains 250 mL beakers, Erlenmeyer flasks and graduated cylinders.

I had expected to get out of class early tonight. It was the first class, first lab, and the only thing listed on the syllabus was an orientation and a safety talk. I figured we’d be here an hour, maybe an hour and a half tops. Cordy was left with her grandpa, and I promised him I’d be back to pick her up before bedtime. Oh how wrong I was.

The IOD (Instructor of Doom) took 2 hours just to show us each item we’ll be using in the lab. I really didn’t need a ten minute explanation of the purpose of a medicine dropper, or 25 min. on the basics of the metric system. My mind was already wandering before he got to discussing the Bunsen burners. (And for the record, if you’ve lost me when showing off fire, you’re really dull.)

I completed the safety quiz while he talked, even though we were supposed to answer it after viewing the safety video. “State one rule about Bunsen burner use.” Uh, don’t set you lab partner on fire? “State one rule about appropriate dress for the laboratory.” Oh, I know this one: no mini-skirts – they’ll make geeky instructors sweat and steam up their goggles. “When should you mix chemicals?” When they involve soda and rum?

After I finished the safety quiz, I started working on next week’s lab, and after that I took out my notebook and started this blog entry. Yes, officially, I am blogging in Chemistry class. Would that qualify as an answer for, “You know you’re a crazy blogger if…”?

After the 2hr. object demo, we then had to go through the rules of the lab in slow, painful detail. Just when we thought we might be nearing the end, we were subjected to a circa 1989 high school safety film for chemistry lab. Oh, if only I could have snapped a picture to show you the big hair the kids in the film were sporting! I think the girls’ hairspray consumption was far more dangerous around a Bunsen burner than anything I could possibly do.

I’m not a horrible student, I swear. I wish I could be interested in what he’s saying, but it’s so basic it’s boring me to tears. Remember my post about being bored in elementary school? This is worse. Thanks to the wonders of college bureaucracy, I must take this class before I can take the Organic Chemistry class I really need for my nursing program. I’ve been out of school for more than 5 years, which at this college requires an automatic placement into CHEM 100, despite my pleas that I know this subject well and don’t need this class. There is supposedly a placement test, but I have yet to get a return call or e-mail from anyone who knows about it.

So, I’m forced into this class, and I’m bringing you all along for the ride. Besides, finding the humor to pass along to you just might keep me sane.

See? Offline blogging, driven by pure boredom. I feel bad for my fellow students, who had nothing else to fall back on when sitting through that nightmare. I had my second class last night, and we completed two lab experiments. I fully expected that this would be a one-time offline blogging experience, but after class #2, I now have another hand-written post for you at some point.