I was never skinny to begin with.
My weight went up and down like a yo-yo, starting way back in junior high. As a child I had that tiny, cute belly of “baby fat”. As puberty hit, that little belly didn’t go away, but at least was overshadowed by hips and breasts.
In high school, I got lazy, and also became a comfort eater. I went on a weight-loss system and managed to get back into the 150’s. (I’m 5’7″ – had I only known then that 150 is a good weight to be at!)
In college, the comfort eating, combined with poor sleep habits and drinking, led me to my highest weight of 245 lbs. When I graduated college, I decided I’d had enough of being fat, and I started to work hard on my weight. Of course, being a starving grad student helped a lot (can’t eat junky fast food when you can’t afford it!), but I also took up a dance class and watched the pounds fly off. At my wedding, 5 years after I graduated college at 245 lbs., I was a very decent 170.
Despite all those changes in weight, my body stayed the same. Some parts got bigger or smaller depending on where I was in life, but there wasn’t much overall change. That little belly from my childhood was there – much larger at 245, but small and barely noticeable at 170.
Then motherhood hit. When I got pregnant, my weight had already creeped up to 190. But I kept it under control and only gained 20 pounds for my pregnancy. Wait, that’s not quite honest – being sick all the time kept it under control and I only gained 20 pounds. The picture to the right is me a week before Cordy was born. I was all baby at that point.
In the days that followed my c-section, I thought a little about my body and what changes I should expect. I figured that other than a bright new scar at my panty line, my body should bounce right back, right? After all, my weight had been much higher in years past, so this should be a breeze. And also, I was breastfeeding, which had helped friends of mine lose all kinds of weight. I wasn’t expecting 170 again right away, but I had hoped to be back to 190 soon.
Oh how wrong I was. Here I am, 21 months postpartum, still weighing what I weighed at 9 months pregnant, and my “little” belly is not so little. I see the looks from people when I’m at the playground. They chat with me, notice I have a toddler, glance at my belly, but aren’t quite sure whether or not I’m pregnant, and so choose not to ask. And thank goodness for that.
I still look 6 months pregnant. My belly, which had some tone to it before, now has nothing and just hangs there limply. My beautifully defined waist has vanished. I had braced myself for the lower belly apron that many women complain about after a c-section, but it was my upper belly that came as a shock. I try to suck in my belly as hard as possible in public, but it’s as if the belly isn’t even connected to the muscles underneath – it laughs at me and sways as I walk.
Via Blogging Baby over the weekend, I found this site: The Shape of a Mother. I think I’m in love with the creator of this site. The Shape of a Mother is a blog that encourages women to send in pictures of how having a baby has physically changed them. (Go on, go have a look. I’ll wait.) Looking through the pictures of how motherhood has permanently altered the bodies of these women, I nearly cried in relief. I wasn’t alone! Other women have battle scars of pregnancy, and not just stretch marks!
I don’t have a lot of close mommy friends, so I don’t have a lot of reference as to how a body changes after pregnancy. My best mommy friend was one of the exceptions: after two children, she’s now two sizes smaller than she was before having children. I’m very happy for her, although insanely jealous at the same time. (Judith, if you’re reading this – I really do love and admire you!) The only other before-after pregnancy pictures I’ve seen were of actresses and models, who, as we all know, aren’t really human, or at least have enough money to schedule their tummy tucks during their c-sections.
But this new blog puts it out there in all its un-Photoshop’d glory. I want to thank these women for showing me that I’m perfectly normal, and for having the courage to put parts of themselves that aren’t often shown on the internet for all to see. And while I am still uncomfortable with my belly, at least I know I’m not alone. Although I will probably be wearing my Higher Power Spanx at Blogher every. single. day.
What about you? How has motherhood changed you physically?
Seeing as how I had twins… things changed A LOT while prego. I gained 62 lbs. Imagine putting 62 more lbs on a short 5’2″ already stocky frame. WOW!
After prego.. things took a long time to return to the new normal.
The girls are a little saggier now, and I have a c-section kangaroo pouch that needs to be tied into a knot so that I don’t get too many “is she pregnant again” stares.
Thanks for finding that site. Wow. I am normal! My saggy “muffin top” is not alone.
Well, I was feeling pretty bad about my 37 week body before viewing those pictures. Now, I’m just terrified. As of yet I have no visible stretch marks and I’ve gained almost 40 lbs. I’m praying to God I can get back to my size 4-6 self and look at least somewhat like my old self after this child is born. Prior to pregnancy my stomach was always my source of pride (flat, small waisted, and slightly toned even with no exercise). Dear God will my once beautiful belly be all flabby and marked up for the rest of my life. Yikes!
I lost a lot of weight after having Q because I had to do the elim diet to nurse. I went from 210 (I am usually around 150) to 130 or so at 6 months post pardum. I was very thin – but I still had the stomach rolls when I bent over.
I was fortunate to not have stretch marks on my tummy – just the reasonably invisible ones on my sides.
However, after having 2 miscarriages in 6 months, I’m about 15 over where I want to be and it’s been hard getting it off. The elim diet really screwed me since I couldn’t eat anything for months, now I am like on anti-deprivation mode – I’m like HELL I can eat it – so I’m going to!
Plus, I love food. 🙂
I too have noticed the upper tummy thing not holding in and sculpting like it used to! It is frustrating. I have lost some weight and now I am stuck. I hate it, but I cannot do much more right now.
I saw that site this weekend too…loved it!
I’ve never been a body-watcher or weight-watcher but the more I hear folks on line talking about it, the more I keep looking at myself going, holy shit, what have you done. I can claim 2 kids but in all honestly, I lost 32 lbs with one and 28 with the other (pure sickness I tell you) and the other fact is, my belly looks much like it did before I got pg, I had already ballooned out of shape. I weighed the least amount that I have weighed in about 8 years the weeks following the birth of my second child. I was 180 then and within his first year of life, I was back up to the 190’s and recently went over 200..again. I did the same thing with number 1. I am watching what I eat some and drinking water like a mofo these days. I have lost 4 lbs since I started ingesting the equivalent of a small river lately. I cut my soda’s in half with water and it is helping..doesn’t do much for that big saggy bulge I have though…ack! You gotta love yourself first girl!
Thanks for linking to the site – it was great! I really needed to see it today after doing a yoga class with a bunch of hot bodies on either side of me. The whole time I really wanted to scream, “Hey, you try having a baby, then being really injured so that you can’t exercise for two years, all the while having to starve yourself because your nursing baby is allergic to everything you put into your mouth – which has the oh-so-pleasant side effect of messing up your metabolism. Then, and only then, can you smirk at me because I can no longer get my leg behind my head.”
So, yeah, there were LOTS of body changes for me when I had a baby. Thanks for putting this out there.
Wow, I checked out the site and it is amazing. I have been so down on myself lately because of my body and that site was a breath of fresh air. I have never been particularly skinny, but I long for my pre-baby body. Back then, I used to think I was fat. I’ve never had a flat stomach. Since J, I’ve inherited the pooch and the stretch marks too. If I don’t suck in my stomach, I look 6 months pregnant. It’s really depressing but at least I’m not alone. Thanks for putting this out there.
Thank you so much. I currently weigh 250 at 38.5 weeks preggo. Sad thing is, I have only gained 20 lbs this preggo. I need to get rid of it. It isn’t healthy. Although, I do know that I wont look like I used to when I was thinner.
yay for mommies! Thanks for the link too!
My first time here and I read a post that I can relate to so well. Pregnancy completely changed my body, in ways I didn’t think possible. This is the most I’ve ever weighed, ever, and although I’ve lost almost 20 pounds, they’ve been a hard 20 to lose. The way I’ve changed since I’ve had kids is something I think about every single day. It’s something I accept, but wish I could change.
Let’s see, my hips widened enough for 2 kids to come out at once, although I had a C-section, thus making it unecessary for the hip-widening. My boobs are very stretch marked (although much larger, so yay for that!). I’m afraid my stomach will never go back to the tiny size it once was.
Granted, I lost all of my pregnancy weight soon after delivering the kiddo, but my body was shaped completely differently than it was before. Now I’ve put on more weight than I did with pregnancy and I know it’s due to the lifestyle change of becoming a SAHM. I lost a lot of weight for the “wedding” ceremony, but now I’m ballooning back up at a high rate of speed.
Thanks for posting the link to that site. It makes me glad that I’m not alone in this battle. While I still have a hard time flaunting these flaws as a badge of motherhood, I do know that my daughter is worth every pound.
After the birth of my son, I easily got back to my pre-preg weight. However, 2 years after the 2nd one, I am stuck with a spare tyre though my weight gain is not much. I guess 2 times of C-sect does contribute to it! Must remind myself to exercise to get rid of fat..not that I have the time for it. Lol
Thanks for telling us about that website!
Pregnancy has turned my already non toned tummy into a total blob of pasty dough. I had huge babies so I have horrible stretch marks which I hate but my husband dosen’t seem to mind. I don’t feel great about my body but thankfully my husband loves me any way.
As far as weight goes I gained a ton but lost it rapidly after my pregnancy. It was all baby and water that I gained so all the fat is my own fault. sigh
I also found that website a few days ago and love what she is doing. I have the C-pouch, and I don’t honestly think it will ever get any smaller than it is. I’ve noticed that since having my baby I am always slumped forward. I guess it is my way of trying to cover up my huge breastfeeding breasts and still too big tummy. When I think about it I realize it just makes everything look worse and it feels like I’m being weighed down. I think this new website will be good for us all.
That sounds like a great website. I will go check it out.
My body certainly changed after I had my baby. I have also lost the tone in my stomach. I just signed up to go back to the gym this month. We’ll see if I actually go….
Thanks for sharing that site. It is a good thing they are doing. The body changes need to be shared … with the husbands too. They are least prepared for what a woman will look like post baby and that is stressful. I still can’t look in the mirror naked without the feelign that I am looking at someone else because of all the changes. And my son is 5 years old.
Thank you for this! I love “shape of a mother”.
Me personally? My stomach is the consistency of bread dough and I have permenant bruises from the heparin shots.
PS. Forgot to mention…you look beautiful!
I love your question, my answer is how hasnt it! UGH! I was never ever small so when I started having babies it got worse and better in some ways.
The sickness with my 1st child made me loss 22 1/2 lbs, then next one I gained 12 then the last I gained 15. That is normal for overweight woman. Fast forward and now I am 20lbs heavier than I was when i was pregnant with Adam (my last). I wish I had the movtivation to do something about it.
I guess I am just not mad enough or fed up enough to do something.
Thanks for your post, some reflection has taken place and it has helped.
I love this post, Christina, and I love you a little bit more for writing it.
I was always skinny. Then I gained 60 plus pounds during pregnancy, which pushed me close to 190 by the end. THAT was a mind-bender. 6 weeks post-partum I had lost 30 pounds, but even though I should have boggled at losing so much weight so fast, all I could think was *I am 60 pounds overweight.*
I now look average. not as skinny as I was, which is fine. I have a totally different relationship with my body now, and I’m still getting used to it (hips! ass!) It’s not easy, but it’s not as hard as it was, nor as hard as I expected it to be.
At 15 months postpartum, I still have a little bit of mama belly. Of course, I never had a flat stomach (at least since puberty), so it wasn’t too much of a shock. Now I have the mama stripes to show off, too. I wouldn’t even mind the stretch marks if they didn’t come above my navel. Also, I ate more in first six months postpartum than ever before. Breastfeeding is slowly winding down, so I am being careful not to eat as much. Not easy.
I don’t mind my new (old) shape, I just don’t want to buy a new wardrobe. And why can’t I find a pair of regular length khakis?
I’ve been working out. I joke that my abs are hidden by a protective layer of fat.
Great post! You look awesome in all your photos!
thank you so much for that link…so nice to see others.
You are doing great! be proud of who you are! 🙂
Oh man this so hits home. I really need to lose at least 30 pounds. I gained a ton of weight because I quit smoking around the same time I got pregnant, and the two are not such a good combination in the size area. I’m hoping that by not buying a lot of clothes I’m gonna motivate myself to get to the gym and lose weight. 🙁
This was a very well written and a very honest post. You are so brave and wonderful for posting it.
Pregnancy has totally changed my body. I went from a size C bra to a DD while pregnant then breastfeeding and now I down to almost an A. I hate the way it looks. Since I am naturally small & thin, that’s the biggest thing that has changed about me and it bothers me.
My stomach is no longer tone but I also don’t really feel like I have the time to work on it right now. I’m just glad you wrote this and introduced me to that site. Thank you!
Oh, Christina. What a great post. I’ve been dreading my abdomen since the day I gave birth. And I’ve been doing sit-ups and crunches with no avail.
I don’t like to think I’m permanently going to have this untoned belly. I figure it won’t take long for the muscle to find it’s way back. Say 50 years.
🙂
They say that getting rid of the tummy is the hardest part. I have stretch marks on my hips from my 1st pregnancy, but luckily did not gain anymore from the 2nd. I am about 19 lbs away from my goal, which is what I was before pregnancy. My tummy is the challenge. I’m 5’8, so I hide my weight well, and actually look fairly thin, but that tummy pops out and I had one chick ask me if I was pregnant. That cruches your spirits…hard! I’m not going to look at that site.
Well before getting pregnant I weighed 115lbs, I did aerobics every day. With my first pregnancy I was 146lbs when I delivered my daughter….dropped 20 lbs right after having her and then started eating for some stupid reason….guess out of boredom or I don’t know. I went put all that weight back and then some, I think the highest I was at one point was 151lbs, and I’m only 5’3 so it was a lot for me.
I managed to loose some weight and when I got pregnant with my son I started out at 130lbs and was 156lbs when I delivered him. Now 3 years after having him, I’m down to 136lbs. I was extremely lucky to not be left with any stomach, as a matter of fact right after the babies were born my stomach disappeared completely. BUT, my thighs and hips are my problem and let’s not even mention the sagging breasts LOL Those have LONG lost their perkiness and I know I’ll never get that back. 🙂
I think we all need to just accept that we had kids, it changes your body and you won’t go back to being exactly the way you were before the pregnancies….the sooner we all accept that, the happier we will be 🙂
I gave up worrying about how my body looks a long time ago. There is only so much you can do with the genetics you are given I now worry about my health…and I should. Not just physical, but mental. I choose to be happy, regardless of my shape. It is just easier that way.
I am more striped than a tiger since getting knocked up. My boobs have also gone from a respectable DD to an H. (Yes, H, as in Holy Shit I am an H!) We won’t do numbers, as I feel they mean nothing (or they should.)
I guess my biggest concern after I drop The Deuce, is to get to a weight where I feel healthy. I know I get uber tired now and I find myself frequently frustrated by my physical limitations due to my size.
You are beautiful and more importantly, you are intelligent and entertaining. That is what truly counts, doesn’t it?
My breasts look like two flaccid empty envelopes and I no longer enjoy having them touched or looked at.
I will check our your link, thanks.
Hmm, where should I start. Well, I still have the “muffin top” on the belly. Although I haven’t done much to get rid of it. The joy of pregnancy!!
Wow, the women on that site are so brave! I hope, once I’ve been pregnant, that I’ll be able to learn to love my new shape.
I just found that site today. I felt like I was looking at myself!
I weigh the same now that I did when I went to the hospital to have my 11yo. I gained 45 pounds that pregnancy. Yikes!
Meg sent me over, although I’ve visited briefly a time or two. What really got me was that she pointed out that you are a self-proclaimed social phobe. Welcome to the club, sistah!
Come by and see me sometime. I’ll be back to visit you too.
Oh man…I’m way flabbier now and I have more cellulite and of course there’s that remaining 11 lbs. My hips were forever bigger after my first even though I lost all my baby weight with her. And the hoo-ha will never be the same but I’ll spare you the details on that one.
I actually weigh less than I did before having kids (ducking), but I have the typical “mommy body”, you know the one that celebrities are immune to? Floppy boobs you can tuck into your shirt, stretchmarks all over, and stretched out skin that will never go back without a surgeon.
Yes, you are not alone. I was always a yo yo dieter and a yo yo thin/fat girl. I have been in a constant battle since little girldom. Well, after the 8 pregnancies and 5 kids, I can safely say I have lost the battle. I am right now heavier than my last pg weight at 9 months with my last daughter (who is now 1 yr old). I can’t seem to lose it no matter what I do. I agree with you, I am not comfortable with it, but it is nice ot know that I am not alone.
Thanks for the link, I will check it out and maybe I can raise my self esteem a bit.
Before I got pregnant I was happier with my body than I had ever been. I was a size 3, 115 lbs, and had just gotten my 36D breast implants. I didn’t even realize then how proud of my body I should be.
I gained a little weight (okay a lot) dating someone who didn’t eat very well. Then Tim and I got back together and I got pregnant. Now, I’m still a healthy weight, but my tummy isn’t flat, and I’m no size 3. I want to work on it, but I haven’t the time or energy or resources. When we move out of this godforsaken apartment, we’re getting bikes and I VOW to actually ride them. LOL.
It has been 6 weeks since I had my first baby (c-section). I still look pregnant and still have to wear maternity pants. I have horrible stretch marks on my hips and have the saggy tummy too. I gained around 45 pounds during pregnancy and have yet to shed barely any of it. This is the most I have EVER weighed and it terrifies me to think that I will have to live with this body the rest of my life- it depresses me just getting a glimpse of it in the mirror. Hopefully I can get to a point where I feel comfortable again….I am on a mission to be fit again…. However long it takes!
I had NO idea what birth could do to my body- glad to see that others are in my same shoes. Thanks for the link.