Because I’m Here to Help

Browsing through my sitemeter is a terrifying interesting activity. I especially love seeing how new people find my little blog. After all, I rarely earn enough credits to get much exposure on BlogExplosion or BlogMad, and unlike big-name websites, I have no marketing budget for advertising. Many hits to my blog are thanks to Google and it’s semi-omnipotent search engine. Google provides a wealth of information just by typing in a question and pressing submit, and more people than I thought possible use Google to ask questions on nearly any topic imaginable.

And so, based on some of the Google searches I’ve received, I’d like to provide a little assistance to those who are searching for help in the virtual world encyclopedia. Clearly there are a lot of people out there relying on Google searches to find the answers to their life problems. Just consider it giving back.

Benadryl dose travel with toddler
This is probably the #1 Google search that brings people to my blog. I guess I’m not the only one who panics at the idea of traveling in the car or plane for 6 hours with a cranky baby or toddler. That bottle of Benadryl looks so tempting, doesn’t it? Let me keep this simple for you: don’t do it. Don’t dose your kid with Benadryl hoping they’ll sleep, because if you’re like me, Murphy’s Law will come into effect and you’ll be left with a now cracked-out toddler with saucer-eyes who can’t sleep and screams to hear her own voice.

Oh sure, only about 10-20% of kids react this way to Benadryl, but are you really willing to play this game of Russian Roulette? Because if it ends bad, it ends very bad, and you’ll wish you had not given this drug to your screaming monster child at all.

But, if you won’t take my advice, then at least know this: it’s usually 1 tsp. Don’t OD your kid.

only child vs. siblings
My #2 most popular search string, this one is clearly bothering a lot of people as well. Do we have 2 or more kids or be like the Chinese and stick with one? It’s certainly easier to just have one: less cost, and hey, with no aunts and uncles, then you won’t have to worry about having the crazy aunt who buys you cake mix as a gift.

I was an only child, and unlike the stereotype, I did not grow up to become an antisocial, selfish, spoiled brat. Yes, I had moments of feeling very lonely, but I also never had a sibling to annoy the hell out of me. My husband has a little brother, and while they fought a lot as kids, they’re now closer than ever. So there are pros and cons to both situations.

I’m pretty sure Cordy will have a sibling. It’s far cheaper and far less hassle to have only one kid, but Aaron and I both want another child. We want the experience of having a multi-child family, and I am clearly clinically insane and want to go through pregnancy and have an infant again. Besides, with two kids we have double the chance that one of them will become rich and famous and take care of us in our old age.

how to shake butt like Shakira
Um, OK, first you need about 15 years of bellydance lessons. Then some low-rise pants and skirts, and abs of steel (which should be a result of the bellydancing). That should just about do it for you.

Won’t take milk juice water from sippy cup
It took us forever to get Cordy to drink from a sippy cup. She refused it for months. Then when she did give in, she forced us to hold the cup for her while she drank. I am happy to say that at 19 months she was finally holding her own sippy cup and drinking from it.

So give it until 19 months, and then come ask me for advice. Oh, and if you could tell me how to get her to drink from a straw, I’d appreciate it. Because the kid won’t give up the sippy cup now.

toddlers hitting mommies
My beautiful little girl has a hard head, strong teeth, and a wicked backhand. I’ve been slapped around, bit, and headbutted more than I care to admit to. Sometimes she means it, but often she doesn’t realize she’s hurting me. My technique is generally to get down to her level, give her a firm “No [hit, bite, punch, kick, karate chop]!” and then move away from her for a minute or so. Generally she cries, but then after a minute I go comfort her and explain that hitting hurts.

the story about the woman that was put on a boat as a child that came here this week?
…what?!?!?

Q-tip stuck in baby’s nose
Go to the hospital or urgent care. Go directly to the hospital or urgent care. Do not pass Go, do not rely on the internet for self-help guides. And find better ways to pick your child’s nose.

poop diaper blow-out stories
Wait, people look for these kinds of stories? Clearly you’re either a sick person who’s not a parent, or a parent at the end of your rope facing a rotavirus looking for some company with your misery.

baby einstein bad dreams
I totally understand. They give me bad dreams, too. Especially that duck.

I think that’s enough public service for today. But have no fear, I am still keeping track of those Google searches, and will be back another day to lend some support to those who have no one else to turn to but the little search box on Google.com.

And for those not seeking help, a cute picture: