More proof that money is evil:
I get a call from my husband to inform me that, “Even though you didn’t know it was going to end up this way, by leaving [company I used to work for] you fucked us.” There was a little more in the conversation, but that about sums up the conversation. I finally explained I needed to get off the phone and get back to work, and he said “Fine.” and hung up.
There was no point continuing on the conversation. When he’s in one of these furious moods, there is no reasoning with him, and I can’t find anything to say but, “I’m sorry” over and over again. He said it wasn’t my fault, but other than that sentence it didn’t sound, to me, like he thought it wasn’t my fault.
Because I work part-time, he is unable to ditch the full-time job gig and focus on theatre. He doesn’t think he’s going to get into the teacher training workshop next year for stage combat, and he isn’t able to go back for his master’s degree until I am done with school. So I guess it is all my fault.
Still, I hate sitting here at work, trying (in vain) not to cry, and hoping no one walks in to ask me anything.
This isn’t where we wanted to be. But we’re trying.
I’m sorry. 🙁 I know just how you feel. My hubz has a way of saying that, too “it’s not your fault” when I know he’s thinking it is. And I’m feeling like it is. I hope it works out.
If empathy were nickels and dimes, you would be a wealthy, wealthy woman. I think you and my sister would have a lot to chat about.
But something else you wrote really struck me, “this isn’t where we wanted to be.” I get it, oh I so get it. And that’s the thing – and this won’t even make you feel better now, because nothing does until you’re through it – it’s never actually where you want to be. Life always takes us on a different journey than we planned. The detours can SUCK, but it’s rare that we aren’t better for it.
I’ll be thinking of you.
Money is the only thing that we fight about at this house.
The only thing.
Ugh. I hate it when my husband calls me at work to argue with me. It’s like a special delivery of rap. I’m sorry. Money (and lack therof) sucks.
My thoughts are with you sweetie.
~Jenny
http://blogs.chron.com/mamadrama/
I am sending you the BIGGEST HUG EVER 🙂
I’m sorry.
Whenever I get down about where we are in life, I try to focus on what good things we have. Sometimes that is the only way my sanity survives.
Spinning wheels sucks.
It isn’t your fault. Your sweet girl needs you!
Deep breaths. This mood shall pass.
Oh Christina! Bills, money, finances, it all sucks.
Unfortunately, I know how it feels. My hubby was out of work for over 2 years, and being the sole provider tugged at our marriage A LOT. It’s stressful on both ends.
At least you’re working PT. hang in there. someone has a bigger plan for you.
Arg! It is so frustrating! The mood your husband is in will pass…keep your head up and if it helps maybe track what you are spending and show him, that is a tangible thing he can see and understand (men are funny that way) Just a thought though, so not there and hope not to offend.
Oh Christina. I’m so sorry. Major suckage.
I’m sorry. Finances suck big time. My husband and I talk daily about how this isn’t where we wanted to be. I just returned to work FT and it has been traumatic. I never figured myself to “have” to work, but, that’s the way it is for me right now.
Keep plugging away and soon you’ll reach your goals. It is so hard, though, I know. Chin up.
I am so sorry. I can get into moods like it sounds like your husband is in. I take things out on him (often unfairly) because I need to vent. I hope it gets better for you guys. Money problems are so stressful.
I am so sorry.
I hate fights like that. Except, that unlike you I ALWAYS cry. Even when I was at work.
Oh I am so sorry about this fight. He sounds just like my husband.
Money stuff sucks. And sacrifices in marriage happen all the time especially in the early years. Sometimes it will feel like he is sacrificing more and sometimes you. But from what I understand you didn’t quit to be selfish or mess him up – you did it for your child and to go to school to invest in your future.
Here’s hoping things get better. Sending big hugs your way.
Repeat after me: Everything will be okay, everything will be okay, everything will be okay. Then take a deep breath. I know chanting something doesn’t make it happen but it will make you feel better for a minute and sometimes a minute is all we have.
I’m thinking about you. Hugs.
Oh I know how you feel. Because I am going back to school to finish my degree, my husband is the one working a job he wouldn’t normally choose. I always feel as if this is my fault.
But you (and I) need to think of it this way: why sacrifice your dreams so that he can follow his? Money is such a frustrating thing and it really IS a monster. I wish there was a way that both husband and wife could do what they choose, all the while being able to support a family.
Good luck to you both. I know the arguments that ensue when financial issues rears it’s ugly head. I’ll be thinking of you and I hope Aaron will get over his resentment soon!
Oh Christina (and Aaron)
That just sucks. I am sorry. It is easy to me to sit here and say “Don’t worry about it” but really, that is what I want to say. Sometimes we make decisions in life that takes us on a path we didn’t plan for. Look at it this way…it may suck now, but you both have goals and dreams that you want to achieve. Right now “life” is getting in the way…keep your eye on the ball and don’t forget what your dreams are. Hold on tight to each other and your beautiful baby girl. Know that you will get through it. It’s just a bump in the road…
Christina I hope it works out. And when you find that secret ingredient to happiness and work-life balance, please share it with the rest of us.
Christina, I am so sorry. And my sister is right. My husband is the same way. When he gets angry like that at something that is beyond our control he acts the same way.
My heart aches for you, because I know what you are going through on a lot of levels. Living your dreams sometimes has a terrible price. I often wonder if it is worth it in the end. But then I think about how short life can be.
I hope Aaron cooled off. It ISN’T your fault. It was a decision the two of you made together.
I wish I could hug you. Suffice to say that in my heart, I am.
Have a better day and if there is ANYTHING I can do, please let me know. I mean it.
Awwww.
Everything will work out the way it should.
It always does.
I’m sorry. That sucks. It is so hard when the hubby gets irrational for a bit, but I’m sure he’ll be more calm later… right? Sometimes Slipshod says he feels trapped by me wanting to live in a better neighborhood and him being the one who has to provide the money to get us there. But he’s really good at what he does, and I’m really good at what I do (raising the kid), so it just makes sense this way. I’m sure that Aaron realizes deep down that you staying home as much as you can with Cordy is the best thing you can do for her and, really, all three of you. But I know that doesn’t help right now – you need to hear him say it’s not your fault!
By the way, it’s not your fault. It is merely the circumstances of your life right now.
Been there. (HUGE hug) Gotcha in my prayers tonight!
I’ve really been trying to not say anything here. But I’m feeling ganged up on, so I need to say something.
It’s not that I’m working full-time while Christina works part-time that upsets me. It’s not that I’m working at a job I dislike instead of being able to focus on theatre that upsets me. It’s that I’m working full-time at a job I dislike while Christina works part-time to spend more time with Cordy and that we’re not making ends meet that upsets me.
It isn’t her fault, because there were supposed to be contracting jobs that would’ve kept us in a good financial situation. Those didn’t come through, however, so I’m stuck doing a job I don’t like, working hours that keep me from doing the theatre and stage-combat training I want to do, and we’re still not keeping our heads above water.
That’s why I’m upset. And we wouldn’t be in the same financial hardships if Christina still worked full-time. Cordy would see less of us, and I still wouldn’t have time for theatre, but we wouldn’t have the money problems that we do now. I don’t blame Christina, but it does upset me.
And I’m tired of feeling guilty because it upsets me. We made the decission together, and I know that in the long run, it will get better, and we made the right choice for our daughter.
But regardless, right now, things suck.
Aaron –
I’m sorry that you felt attacked.
🙁 Hope it’s been a better day for both of you.
sounds like my ass of a husband. he blames our money problems on me because i won’t get a full time job. he can’t get all of his toys. instead his whole paycheck goes to bills (as does mine) instead of a motorcycle or a new car or the new playstation. ass!
Remember that there is a fundamental difference in how (speaking broadly and terribly over generalizing)most men and most women deal with frustration.
Men (speaking broadly and terribly over generalizing)vent and rail against the world. Usually we’re furious at the circumstances of reality, not the people caught up in it with us. Yes, there are guys who are just being an ass and blaming their partners unjustly, but for plenty of us it really is the facts that we’re raging against, not the people involved. Also a lot of us are pretty good at saying what we mean, including if we say we don’t believe something is somebody’s fault.
I hate speaking broadly and over generalizing like this, but if I want to actually keep this short enough that I don’t find out what the character limit is, I better leave it at this.