A Mommy Story

I hate money. Not in a I-want-to-be-poor kind of way, but in a I-wish-it-didn’t-run-our-lives kind of way.

Money is a requirement in today’s society, and generally the more the better. I grew up with not a lot – my mom was a single mom, and we did pretty well on $27K a year. Sure, I didn’t have designer clothing (which I really resented as a teen), but we had food, we had a house, and we even had some luxuries.

After college, I worked a series of low-paying jobs, but I was used to living on little, so it wasn’t too bad. Then I got the big job, and suddenly I was making more money than my own mom! To me at that time, $32K a year made me rich! I felt like I had made it in the world.

Currently, we make a bit more than that combined, but with a toddler and two adults, I don’t feel so rich anymore. Again, we’re not poor: we have a nice starter house, we have food, we have cars, and we have some luxuries (like Tivo).

But money is the big green monster that also is a part of our family, and I hate it. When I quit my job to take a part-time job, I had two contracting jobs lined up as well. Both fell through, which left us in a financial situation we didn’t want to be in.

We’re not drowning by any means; more like treading water at the moment, but one big crisis could be the wave that pulls us under.

On Friday, things were going well. The sun was out for the first time in weeks, and Cordy and I were returning from a playdate. Then I saw a light on the dashboard: the check engine light. And at that moment, my happy heart sank.

Here’s the brief history of my car. It’s a 2000 Nissan – my first large purchase when I landed my first big job. Great car, ran fine, until last year. It’s like it sensed money was tight for us, and decided it was time to give up. In one month’s time, the check engine light came on 4 times, and each time involved a different part of the engine or exhaust system needing replaced, to a total cost of over $2000.

The damn light is on again, and I dread what could be wrong now. To add to this problem, the air conditioning stopped working, and I think the brakes are nearing replacement. This could be that wave on the horizon, threatening to drown us.

If it’s a cheap fix, we’ll put it on the credit card and move on. If it’s not a cheap fix, it may be time to look into another car. A car payment is the last thing we need. Especially since my car is supposed to be the reliable one – Aaron’s car is a 96 Plymouth Breeze we bought from my grandmother. It also has high miles and could sputter and die at any time.

So now the big green monster is exerting his power over us. And like money has the ability to do, it’s affecting other areas of our lives. Aaron and I were snippy with each other last night, which I can only attribute to our money discussion. (It’s not my PMS. It’s never my PMS. Are we clear?) We accuse each other of wasting money, and then try to defend our own spending choices. Aaron and I rarely get into arguments, but I could feel the tension last night. It’s the same tension we had last year when my car’s repairs had made it’s own cozy space on our credit card bill, and the contracting jobs fell through.

Can you imagine what life would be like if money was no object? When you could just walk into a store and buy the item you want, not even concerned with the price tag? I’ve found myself occasionally jealous of people who have more money, but then I remind myself, you’re the one who chose a History degree. Should have gone to school for something more sensible, like Computer Science. Which is partially why I’m now back in school working on a nursing degree.

With the fate of my car unknown, this adds even more pressure to Aaron to get the job he interviewed for. Still no word from them yet, which is both promising and terrifying at the same time. I hope we’ll hear something, preferably positive, this week.

Things aren’t awful for us. Even with the car problems, we’ll still have food, we’ll still manage to keep our house, and we’ll still keep some luxuries. We may have to cut back in some areas (like eating out, which as of yesterday has been cut down to practically nothing) but we’ll figure out a way to make it all work.

But things would be so much easier if we didn’t have to worry about money.