A Mommy Story

Nearly 6 months ago (well, 6 months on May 20), I started this little blog with big hopes. I first discovered blogging via Blogging Baby a few months before that. I stumbled on that link by accident, but I was sucked in to that site. The posts were excellent, thought-provoking, and all about my favorite topic: being a mom.

Becoming a mom was one of the hardest and one of the best things I ever did. The early days are hazy to me, but I do remember struggling through post-partum depression, being amazed with this little child who needed so much from me, and feeling terribly alone. Many of our friends with children don’t live in our area.

Our other friends are awesome, but they didn’t have that understanding of the change that had happened to me. I had a new life to nurture: realizing that, it’s easy to obsess over motherhood, especially with this being my first. I found myself with less to talk about, because I consciously didn’t want to bore my non-parent friends with all the details of what Cordelia was doing each day. Sure, I was thrilled when she lifted her head, but I know it isn’t that exciting to a non-parent. And I knew they didn’t want to hear about poopy diapers.

I was on an online message board community for moms, but even there I felt lost in the sea of message threads. I made a few friends there, but it was difficult to keep up with people in a message board format.

Blogging Baby was just the beginning. I became enamored with the writing of particular contributors, and so I checked out their personal blogs. They were witty and sarcastic at times, and I was relieved to find people who could look at parenthood as being absurd as well as special. From there I started to realize that there was this large community of mom and dad blogs, some funny, some touching, some both. I decided I wanted to take the plunge. I wanted to be a part of this community. I desperately needed a mommy group to belong to, and I wasn’t having any luck in Columbus, so I figured virtual would have to be the next best thing.

Her Bad Mother has asked us all to write posts in honor of Mother’s Day, giving some love to those mommy bloggers who have touched us in some way. This is a huge task for me. For while I write a lot about myself, the truth is I have a hard time opening up to others about my true feelings. Just when I start to get close to someone, I pull back and become detached. Saying how I feel is so tough.

I blame it on my mother’s family and their genetics. They’re as stoic as they come – they show little emotion, never hug, and certainly never say things like I love you or other vulnerable statements. Like my dad’s side of the family, I am a fountain of emotion, but like my mother’s side, it often doesn’t show and builds up inside. Which leaves me dying to tell people how much they mean to me, but then finding myself at a loss for words when the time comes. It’s why I find it so very easy to make acquaintances, but then have a difficult time shaping those superficial friendships into strong, deep friendships.

So please forgive me if this post is a mess and doesn’t flow well. It is very important to me to honor the mommy bloggers who have become my virtual support group in so many ways, but just as the words have trouble forming on my lips, they also have trouble getting to my fingers.

First, I have to give a big thank you to HBM for lighting the fire for this project. I don’t think there’s a single post of yours I haven’t enjoyed. You are thought-provoking in ways I haven’t dealt with since graduate school, but the difference is you are interesting and amusing as well. (My grad-school books? Not so much.) And hey, you’ve got Siamese cats, so you’re always cool with me!

Queen of Spain was one of my early favs. I don’t even remember how I found her – probably through blogroll jumping. She reminds me of me, or well, the me I want to be. Hip, cool, a fabulous writer, and two adorable children. I swear her husband and Aaron are clones, which is why the two of them must never meet or the universe will likely implode. Good thing Aaron isn’t coming to Blogher.

Izzy is like the big sister I never had. I feel like I could go to her to find out where the cool kids get their stash and how to sneak back in the house past curfew without looking like I’m totally wasted. And just recently I got to hear her awesome voice, which just confirms how cool she is.

If Izzy is like a big sister, then Mrs. Fortune is like a little sister to me, even though I think she’s the same age as me or older. Following her pregnancy has helped me to remember all that I enjoyed in mine. Plus its given me the chance to unload all of my useless advice on her! I love her for being patient and actually reading all of my blabbering on about the best nursing bras and other mom-to-mom advice. (Or maybe she’s not reading it – I understand that, too. I tend to say too much when it comes to advice.)

I think Kristen at Motherhood Uncensored has probably done the most to bring me out of my shell. She’s such an outgoing, in-your-face type of person, and her posts make me laugh and make me feel more comfortable opening up. Her monthly Blog Exchange has also helped me broaden my reading horizons and find more interesting blogs.

There are also so many new blog friends I’ve found in the past few weeks, along with several others who are old blogroll companions and I can’t get enough of. Violet the Verbose is one of my new favorites – we both worked at renaissance festivals, and anyone who has been a rennie knows that the bond between rennies is strong. Truthfully, anyone who is on my blogroll is there for a reason, and if you’re looking for some good reading, check them all out.

So there it is. Looking over my love-fest, I realize I’m still not saying all I could be saying. Maybe I’ll open up more to those I see at Blogher. (after a few drinks, of course) But know that everyone on my blogroll and all my readers make a difference to me.

Who knew that the common experience of motherhood/fatherhood could bring so many intelligent, humorous, and caring people together from all over the world and from all different backgrounds. I love it. I can only say: pass the Kool-Aid, please.

I wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day, and I hope you get all the rest and love you deserve! Oh, yeaahh!