Announcer1: Welcome to MNT Wrestling**! We’re LIVE in Columbus, OH tonight, and this promises to be an exciting show, folks!
Announcer2: That’s right, JR, tonight’s main event is sure to be one for the record books. It’s a repeat match-up between Mommy Dearest and her arch rival, the Toddler Tornado.
A1: They’ve met in the ring several times over the past year. You may remember, King, Mommy Dearest was the undisputed champion for most of that year.
A2: Yes, JR, but these past few months have seen the Toddler Tornado back in the gym, working harder than ever to take down Mommy Dearest and claim the MNT Wrestling World Title. Will she be able to take down Mommy Dearest, who clearly has her beat in height and weight?
A1: Mommy Dearest may have her beat in the numbers, but remember, this is a diaper match. Numbers don’t matter much in this type of match if you have the speed and agility to outwit your opponent. I think she’s got a trick or two up her sleeve tonight, King. Let’s watch.
Ring Announcer: The following event is a diaper match. The winner of this match will be determined as follows: Mommy Dearest will be declared the victor if she secures a new diaper on Toddler Tornado. Should Toddler Tornado escape before the new diaper is secure, she will be awarded the win.
First up is the champion, weighing in at *cough*hack*cough* pounds, the mom with the smarts, Mommy Dearest! *cheers*
And her opponent, weighing in at 28 pounds 12 ounces, the kid with a kick, it’s the Toddler Tornado! *cheers*
*DING DING DING*
A2: And Mommy Dearest starts out with a sneak attack! She comes up from behind and scoops up Toddler Tornado! What a move!
A1: Much better than her old tactic of announcing her actions.
A2: That’s for sure. But the Toddler Tornado is retaliating with a shriek and squirming. It seems Mommy Dearest has the lock on her, though.
A1: And Mommy Dearest has now put Toddler Tornado on her back! This may be over before it even starts!
A2: The pants are off, and Toddler Tornado has to realize that if she doesn’t make her move soon, she’s a goner. Now the old diaper is off!
A1: But Toddler Tornado is up! She’s resisting the hold with all her might, her upper body up and attempting to roll away from Mommy Dearest!
A2: Yes, JR, Mommy Dearest made a critical mistake. She let up on her grip in order to reach for the baby wipes, allowing Toddler Tornado the chance to use her Rolling Thunder hold break.
A1: Now the two competitors are locked in a struggle for control! Mommy Dearest is attempting to pin Toddler Tornado, but this small competitor is resisting. Look at that passion!
A2: Is the Toddler laughing at Mommy Dearest? What a slap in the face!
A1: Mommy Dearest has positioned the new diaper now, but can she get it on Toddler Tornado?
A2: The Toddler Tornado looks like she’s giving up! Mommy Dearest is drawing in closer now.
A1: Oh! My! Gawd! It was a fakeout! Toddler Tornado is now using her signature Flailing Legs move! Mommy Dearest can’t get a hand near her! What a slobberknocker of a fight!
A2: Look at those legs go! But you’ve got to give Mommy Dearest credit – she’s taken several kicks to the legs and stomach, but keeps going!
A1: Uh-oh, Toddler Tornado seems to be tiring out. The Flailing Legs move took too much out of her, and now Mommy Dearest has her pinned in the Double Leg Lock! The diaper is on! It’s all over! It’s all over!
*DING DING DING*
A2: Tune in tomorrow for a handicap match with Toddler Tornado versus tag team partners Mommy Dearest and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy!
** MNT = Mothers ‘n Toddlers Wrestling
*Standing ovation by both me and the Hubby*
I had to share this one with the Hubby. I only hope my announcer skills did your post justice. Glad to hear it worked out well in the end… Although, I’m hoping my local Pay-per-view provider will be holding your steel cage death match.
What the hell is a slobberknocker?!
Oh what a crackup!! Can you send me tickets for the next round? Front row, but not too close……..
*laughing so hard I can’t breathe*
Man this cracked me up and down and back up again! I was just thinking about the tag team match when I got to the end. Hi-larious. At least for me, because I don’t have to actually go through it.
Mrs.Chicky – No idea what it is. I’ve heard it said during wrestling, though.
debambam – Oh yeah, a few rows back is good. Wouldn’t want any blood on ya. 🙂
Mrs.Fortune – There seems to be a word missing from your last sentence: …yet.
HAHAHA! That was too cute!
*wheeze, snork, guffaw!* That was awesome. Hey, can you come over and change my toddler? I can’t get her to lie down anymore (takes too much energy to hold her there plus I’m very pregnant and therefore extremely wary of the flailing legs) and life would be so much easier if that were possible.
Go, Mommy Dearest!
My husband and I laughed ourselves absolutely sick over this. We have 16 month old twins….you are one funny and HONEST lady!
Oh this was hilarious to read, but I know it was such a pain at the time it was going on!
Here’s to the reigning champ!
Wiping the coffee I just splattered all over my screen. Thank you very much! Slobberknocker!! LOL! You make me want another kiddy…
Oh man, I don’t miss those days AT ALL!!
Oh man..that shit is funny as hell. You missed your calling as a sports announcer.
When I have to change Peebs’ diaper, I frequently say “It’s time for some baby wrestling” (except I say wrasslin’ because it sounds goofier)because it literally is like wrestling. He’s trying to get away the entire time. Same with dressing him. My daughter was SO much easier…
Good moves for the Toddler Tornado to remember: The move your hips up and down move and grab the poopy butt move. Work every freaking time!
Violet – I couldn’t even imagine trying to do this when very pregnant. I think you should qualify for workers comp to get a nanny to help!
Laura – Twins?? So for you it really is a tag team match!
Izzy – Yeah, I almost used wrastlin’ in place of wrestling. 🙂
Sarcastic Journalist – LOL, we’ve seen those moves before also! I generally try to restrain the hands before dealing with a poopy diaper, but I have been on the receiving end of flinging poo.
You just know, though, that she’s gonna be reviewing her moves all night, and will be comin’ back at you badder than ever.
Thanks for the Sunday laugh!
There should be a reference to a government mule in there somewhere…
Amen.
We have just been introduced to the MNT.
Aveline’s patented move is an upper body twist pivoted solely on her head. She gets her ENTIRE body off of the mat, er, changing table.
This is SO true!
Slobberknocker:
Slobber – term used for excessive goopy saliva in the mouth, often associated with heavy exertion or dogs.
Knocker – The person who knocks, in this case usually involving a fist or folding chair.
Slobberkncoker = A fight where the combatants are knocking the spit out of each other.
that is hilarious!!!
I was exhausted at the end of that post. I feel like I wrestled toddler tornado with you. hilarious.
I just laughed out loud. I’m about an hour from columbus. I’m linking your blog.
I’m also going to email this to my Husband. He’s going to see WWE in Columbus on the 1st so this kind of humor will be right up his alley.
Happy Monday!
I’m dying laughing! I should have read this years ago! I’m so glad you put this link in your interview. How awesome!
Just read this via the interview and it is hilarious! I’d pony up to watch you on Pay-per-view.