As each day goes by, I find I’m losing my sweet baby to an inquisitive, determined, strong-willed toddler. Cordelia now sees herself as her own being and, in her mind, she is ready to set out on new adventures. Well, at least for a few minutes, until mommy is out of view, and then she’s suddenly not so bold as she comes crying back to me.
Along with this new independence comes power struggles. I know many other mommy and daddy bloggers out there have gone through this, some many times over. So I apologize if this sounds silly, since most of you can tell me it’s going to get far worse.
I knew these power struggles were coming, and I have read all the books on what to do. But sometimes she does things that mystify me. Things that make me wonder just what is going on in that little head of hers, as she figures out the world around her. Let me give you one small example of what I’m going through:
The sippy cup. Yeah, the sippy cup. Who knew a struggle over a cup with a lid and a spout could be so strong?
Our first battle with the sippy cup involved simply getting her to try using one. Around a year old, she remained a hard-core bottle baby. I started with the Avent cups, since we were already using the Avent bottles. No go – she wasn’t even interested in trying it. So I tried a Gerber cup. Nope. The Nuby cup that everyone recommended as the perfect first cup? Not so much.
Soon I had a beautiful selection of nearly every brand of sippy cup offered by Babies R Us, all of which showed no sign of wear. At this point, Aaron was getting angry that we were wasting so much money on cups she would never use.
But then I found the holy grail of sippy cups: the cheap disposable sippy cups. I should have known she’d forgo the fancy valves and smooth ergonomic handles of the other cups for the plain Wal-Mart brand cups that come in a 4-pack for $3.99. She took to the cup right away, and we breathed a sigh of relief that our child would not be entering pre-school someday with a backpack full of bottles.
Best of all, that sippy cup was really just a gateway cup. After it, she was willing to use any other sippy cup we offered her, aside from straw cups. We still can’t get her to drink from straw cups yet. I was able to redeem myself with Aaron over all of the money spent on sippy cups.
However, the struggle doesn’t end there. Oh no, it gets far more ridiculous.
While she’s now been drinking from a sippy cup for about 4 months, she has one small quirk: she won’t hold the cup. We must hold the cup for her as she drinks. I’ve never felt more like a servant to her than when I’m holding her cup so she can sip as much as she likes. Yes, your highness, allow me to hold your cup for you to keep your dainty hands free from the rough plastic.
I’ve seen other moms complain that their tots will refuse milk from a sippy, or refuse to drink cold milk from a sippy. I find myself wishing for their problems. I know she understands the basic mechanics of the cup. She knows where to put her mouth, she knows how to suck out the liquid, and she knows that she must tilt the cup up. So why can’t she do this?
There are several solutions given in all of the advice books. I’ve tried not making a big deal about it. I’ve moved away from the cup, hoping that she would pick it up and drink it if I wasn’t near her. But no, she only picks the cup up and brings it to me so I can give her a drink!
All day long I’m smacked in the arm or leg with her sippy cup, as she then pushes it into my hands to offer her a drink. She can’t even be polite about it. We repeat “cup” every single time, but she always thrusts the cup at us with a loud, harsh “uuuunnggghhh!” Dr. Karp was right – I am living with a mini-caveman.
I’ve tried to move her hands onto the cup while she’s drinking, which results in her forcefully pulling her arms away and giving a squeal mid-drink, spraying me with juice.
So now, I turn to all of my readers (yes, all 8 of you). Am I doing something wrong? Is my child just lazy? Is this a normal phase of toddlerhood? How can I get her to hold her own damn cup?
And most importantly: if I can’t get over this hurdle, how in the world am I going to handle the more serious power struggles?
One of my kids did that too–I can’t remember which one. I’m sure you’ve tried this, but put her hands on the cup, and your hands over hers. The other thing to remember is that if she doesn’t drink anything all day, it won’t kill her, so you could try just refusing to help her–just explain each time that she’s big enough to do it herself and put her own hands on the cup. Could work, but I’m not guarantee-ing it. Best thing to remember: this is only a phase. In a month, there’ll be something altogether different that’s driving you crazy!
Surfed in via MIM, by the way.
I’m with piece of work, let her go without your help for a while. I went through this with Zoe, and I endeavoured to have something in both hands at all times. I just told her that I would love to help but right now couldn’t! Once she gets thirsty enough, she’ll figure it out. Do you know why she asks you to do it for her? Because YOU DO!! Not saying thats a bad thing, just that if you don’t want to keep doing it, then DON’T. As for getting over hurdles, you will, one at a time, and whilst they do get ‘worse’, the coping skills we have get better..good luck.
Oh my God! Is this what I have to look forward to? Chicky Baby is barely 10 months but we’ve been trying the sippy cup anyway – with no success I might add. Zip. Zero. Nada. This actually makes me feel better that my wee one won’t drink from one of the dozens of sippy cups we own (our house also looks like the sippy cup aisle of Babies ‘R Us). Good luck with the fight and keep us posted on your daughter’s progress.
Chicky – I hope you won’t have to go through this! Apparently a lot of kids are resistant to a sippy cup at first. Mine seems to be one of the rare ones to finally accept it, but refuse to hold it. I look forward to hearing which sippy cup your little one decides to accept.
P.O.W. – I will try your idea and see how it goes. Right now if I try to put her hands on the cup while she drinks, she just stops drinking.
You and debambam may be right – it may take not helping her at all for her to get over it and give in.
Even though we have just started the journey of sippy cups, I have already kind of fought this battle.
Aveline still gets her bottles with milk. Her sippy cups have water, which we use during meal time.
Aveline would only drink if I held it for her. I stopped holding it for her, but made it available. It took a long time for her to use it on her own, but she does now.
Maybe try what pp suggested for a day or two. I would give her some water or something in a cup you hold, but maybe some juice or milk in the one she has to hold? Just a thought. I don’t want the poor girl to get dehydrated. Let me know how this goes!
How about abandoning the sippy for a bit and trying a cup with a straw? Our second son was much more successful with a lidded cup and straw (we got a cool set from Tupperware!) and we were off to the races. After he mastered the straw, he then was more agreeable to the cup. It worked for us, maybe it could work for you too! Keep me posted!
{{{HUGS}}} We’ve only just begun the sippy cup at meal time – she thinks it’s a chew toy… I really have no suggestions other than what’s already been suggested.
I can see this post is terribly old but I’m hoping you’ll see this and respond because I’m desperate. I laughed when I read your blog, this is exactly my daughter down to the grunting for the cup. I’m wondering how you finally conquered this, I’m really frustrated…my daugheter has made me hold her sippy going on 6 months and I could use some advice on what I can/should do to help her hold it on her own. Many thanks.
I recently posted an article on this very subject on my blog at http://www.pandapark.com/shopping_blog/. My two daughters are out of the phase now but I remember the struggle of switching to a sippy cup.
I have been searching the net all night looking for someone who understands this struggle. My son is 16 mths old and although he finally drinks from a sippy, he, too will not hold it. Today, he got really mad at me when I refused to give in and hold it for him. He would hand me the cup to hold for him. When I tried to console him by holding out my empty hand to him gesturing for him to come closer to me, he just shook his head no and hit my hand. I don’t know what to do. I guess I’ll just have to be determined to stick with it this time. If ANYONE has ANY input, I’m open to it. Thanks!
My 16 month old absolutely refuses any and all cups. My doctor told me to just throw out the bottles, but my child did not drink anything for 5 whole days. She started to get dehydrated so I brought back one bottle at night. This has been going on for weeks now. She is content to just drink her one bottle at night and that is it! Any advice anyone has is greatly appreciated.
I feel for all of you! My 16 mos old daughter won’t take any cup, throws them at me when I give them to her or shakes them like a toy. Around 11 mos I gave her the disposable ones and she started drinking water from them. But a day later she got a stomach virus and will not touch it since. I let it go for a few months and recently have tried at least 10, including the straw. She HATES them. She is soooo stubborn! Today, I tried depriving her of her liquids from about 8:45 until 12:30 ( when she is accustomed to getting a full 8 oz of milk) and she basically screamed for 1/2 hour uncontrollably until I finally caved for fear of dehydration ( she hospitalized twice for it, happens fast with her). I even tried holding it for her, putting her milk in it, warming it up. Should I just let it go for a few months? How can you force a child to drink from a cup? How bad is it if she doesn’t until she is 2? So tired and frustrated, I have the same problem with food, so I am surrendering. Isabella 2, mommy 0. 🙁 HELP! Any advice other than starving her of liquids?
Oh the horror. I’m in the thick of exactly this problem. Did it resolve?? Is there hope? Will my son go to college with me at his side to hold his bottle while he strokes his bib tag with one hand and my decolage with the other?
This is to anonymous who asked if it mattered if she gave her child milk in a bottle till she’s two. I’m not an expert in this matter however I am in childcare and have experienced several of these situations with children that I babysit for. I came across this as I was looking for ideas for a one year old who refuses milk in a cup but not in her bottle. My advice is to be more stubborn than they are. The older they get the more determined they seems to get. I once knew a mom who’s three year old would still refuse milk from a cup so she continued giving it in a bottle. For the sake of his teeth she finally at three and a half took the bottle away. He used it only for milk and drank everything else in a cup. After she took the bottle away he refused to drink milk ever again. He is now going on seven and will not drink milk of any kind. So my advice is don’t wait. Just my thoughts. I know not all kids are the same but it seems to me that the older the baby becomes the harder it is. Most babies I’ve had experience with that started on cups and foods at younger ages had little to no problems and were generally on cups and table food by 10 months. Those who wait until 1 year to try these things tend to have more battles. Just my thoughts on the subject.
Why does eveyone push their child to grow up so fast? Everyone tells me my 12 month old should be off the bottle. He only chews on his many sippy cups & won’t drink anything out of them. These people telling me what to do aren’t in my house with my stubborn son & his father who leaves it up to me. Just b/c they are at a certain age doesn’t mean they are magically ready to change. Each kid is different & I’m tried of being judged & made to feel like a bad mom. Good luck to you, I wish I knew all the secrets to parenting that everyone acts like they know.
Did she hold her own bottle? I’m just wondering what I have to look forward to, because my little “princess” made me hold her bottle for her until she was 7 months old. She had a very similar attitude about it. Now she holds her own bottle, but we are on to the battle of the sippy cup. She has a complete melt down if she even sees a sippy cup coming towards her. I’m just glad that my little angel isn’t the only one!!
I understand your pain. My nine month old daughter is going through a similar transition to her sippy cup. She has been using the advent one for several months now but had the bottle nipple because she would refuse the sippy nipple. Now I’m forcing her to use her sippy nipple because I feel she doesn’t need the bottle nipple anymore. She has proven to us that she can drink from her sippy nipple. She does fine for the first part of the day and then starts rejecting it and will starve herself until she gets her bottle nipple. i had similar issues trying to get her off her 0+ paci and on to her 6 month. So now all i here is screaming. And what frustrates me more is that the little girl that i babysit everyday is only a month older then my daughter and she never has had a sippy cup nipple and today she grabbed Sara’s and started drinking from it just fine! So frustrating! But i’m determined not to back down and she has to eat sometime. So I understand how frustrating it all is. I just hope that she has an easier time potty training.
My almost 2 year old girl makes me hold her sippy cup for her. Its not a pain nor a problem for me, I have no problems holding it for her when she wants to drink. I have tried putting her hands on the bottle and holding them while she drinks, but she gets pissed off then. I guess they all have their moment to do certain things. Dont worry so much about it. Try to encourage her more and more to do it herself, but you know what? your babies will eventually do it, just as they will eventually stop using the pacifier or sucking their thumbs. Whats the hurry?
Wow I thought I was the only one with a toddler that seemed allergic to the cup! We(my husband & I) have been trying for months now to teach our 18 mo old how to drink from cups and to use straws, and it’s no good. We’re getting to the point where we seriously believed our toddler just couldn’t learn how. Our son used Avent bottles to and he also hated the Avent cups. I’ll try the cheap ones we have again and see if he’ll go with that. I managed once this week to get him to let me put a cup to his mouth, but my husband won’t push our son to drink from it like I am so honestly it’s starting to feel like a waste of time!
So my husband and I are sitting here rolling on the bed laughing at our (yes) second read of this post aloud. We need to help you out with a few things though:
-the wal-mart cup deal is now 5 for $3.99
-in some cultures ‘unnnnngggghhhhh’ is a compliment
We have a 10 1/2 month old who weighs 30 lbs. Yes. 30 lbs. We, with the fear of our pediatrician’s threats that at a year we’re done with the bottle, started the sippy cup adventure a few days ago. Needless to say, Nuby, Avent, Gerber… nope. Wal-mart brand cups… yes. The fun thing is that our baby loves playing with trash (empty water bottles, empty boxes, trash from inside the boxes… doesn’t matter) so maybe it’s because these cups are as close to trash as we’ve given him and he’s just making do?
We would like to know, since this post is a few years old, did your daughter ever figure out how to use her hands, or are we destined to be bearers of the royal sippy cup for the remainder of our lives?
I’m having trouble getting my 1 year old son to use a sippy cup. Did this issue ever resolve?? I too have tried every cup under the sun and all he wants to do is play with it. He won’t hold his own bottle either. Any suggestions?
I am having the sippy cup battle feeling like I’m all alone in the world, though I know I am not. Today we tried our 6th cup to get my 16 month old daughter to drink milk out of, to no avail. This was day 7 and we had moderate success the first two days. Not so much now; it’s a tearful battle full of crying on both our parts. I know she’s hungry and that is more evident as the day wears on. She’s positively horrendous by lunch time, and I just don’t know what to do. Take ‘n Toss are my next attempt, but I have little hope at this point.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for writing this blog post. We are having the same issues and as horrible as it is, I’m glad my kid isn’t the only one with this “quirk”.
I have the same problem. My son is 18 months old now. I have bought all the brands of sippy cups only to have my LO treated as a toy. Then one day, he decided to pick up my water bottle and inverted like I do to get water. It comes out slowly and he drank it. I took advantage of the summer and started to give him my small water bottle at the pool so he can get wet if he wants. Maybe try to strip your LO into just diapers with a adult sports water bottle?
I have a son that just turned one. He drinks out of a sippy cup or any cup with a lid and knows how to hold it and drink himself but wants me to hold it for him. I have given him the cup and he throws it or pushes it onto the floor and screams and crys until I put it in his mouth when it gets down to a little bit left in the cup he then will take it chew on it,play with it or drink it himself. I’ve just not given it back to him when he throws a fit and throws it on the floor,and I’ve put his hands on it and pulls away and gets mad. I need some suggestions I don’t know what else to do or if one day he will just do it.. He was the same with finger food and one day just did it himself. I’m so frustrated! Help please!
OK wow, this is an old post but wondering if I can still comment? Because I have a similar problem with my 13 year old refusing to hold a bottle or to take a sippy cup, doesn’t feed herself solid food – which is still pureed food for now bc she has no teeth. But mine seems to have less cognitive skills, it’s not like she brings the cup or bottle to me or points or anything like that. In fact it took so long just to get her to agree to prop up the bottle but she still wants us to feed it to her – I keep trying the sippy cup, even feeding it to her, and she hates it. I’ve tried so many now. Going to look for those cheap Walmart ones though. I am considering just “starving” her of any milk but can’t bear to do so, ugh I feel so frustrated.