A Mommy Story

Now that we are back home, and I am hopefully nearing the end of my sleep deprivation from this weekend, I can reflect back on the experience of traveling with a 16 month old.

And what does my reflection tell me? NEVER EVER DO IT!!

OK, maybe I’m being a little harsh there. Maybe I should rephrase it to say “Never travel with MY 16 month old.” I’m sure some kids love to travel. There must be toddlers out there who don’t blink an eye at being transported to somewhere new and strange. Kids who don’t get cranky at being thrown off their schedule in any slight way.

The biggest problem I ran into was listening to all the advice out there on how to travel with a baby or toddler. It’s one of the big questions you can find on any parenting web site, and several baby books have their own chapters devoted to it.

I, for some stupid reason, blindly believed their advice. Not one shred of professional advice has worked for my daughter thus far, so why was I so naive to think that these tips and tricks might work to keep Cordy smiling and cheerful? Clearly no one told Cordelia that these were the things that were supposed to work on her.

Problem #1: The nuclear option. Even though you’ll probably never see it published in What to Expect, it’s the great secret of the Parent Club that Benadryl is the magic bullet for a happy traveling toddler. Moms half-whisper it to each other in playgroups, pediatricians advise it, off-record, of course. Parents are all over message boards, hinting at a teaspoon of Benadryl for a desperate parent, although always following it up with, “Of course, I’d never do it, but I’ve heard it helps.”

They all claim they’d never drug their own children, but hand out the advice to anyone who will listen. OK, maybe some of them have never tried it, but if you’re giving me dosing instructions, I somehow doubt you’ve never done it. Benadryl is well-known for inducing drowsiness in an otherwise restless and cranky toddler. Somewhere in the fine print is what most people leave out when giving you this advice: while it will make most kids drowsy, there is a small percentage that will turn into hyper-monkeys when given the stuff.

Cordelia didn’t want to sleep our first night in Chicago. I gave in at 4am and gave her a dose of Benadryl. Clearly I should have done a trial run with this stuff to see what would happen. But I was tired, and wanted her to be tired also. Turns out, she’s part of that minority. Benadryl is cocaine to her. She was wired for the next few hours.

Even though she was tired, her eyes were wide open, and she was a ball of non-stop energy – up, down, up, down, roll left, roll right, up, across the room, back again, open the drawer, close the drawer, up on the bed, down off the bed. Once it was finally wearing off, she laid on her tummy watching Wiggles, clearly exhausted but unable to close her eyes.

Problem #2: Driving at night. This was one that everyone told me to do. “Drive at night, when she’d normally sleep. Then she’ll sleep the entire way.” Yeah, well, good theory.

We didn’t follow the advice and instead drove to Chicago in the afternoon. No problems at all – Cordy didn’t really nap, but she was also content to stare out the window and look at the scenery. Driving home, we decided to try the plan of driving at night. The first hour, Cordy slept peacefully, and we congratulated ourselves on a good strategy. Then we stopped for gas and food, and Cordy woke up.

An alert toddler in the car is really not a problem during the day. An awake toddler in the car at night when she’s exhausted and there is nothing to look at is pure hell. I mean it – Satan himself was in the backseat laughing at us. That is, until he couldn’t stand her screaming any longer, then he said, “You’re on your own, folks. I’m going back to hell for some peace and quiet.”

The drive home was miserable, and Cordelia didn’t sleep again until we were home at 2am.

So, parents who may be considering traveling with your child, I give you this advice: don’t. Find a grandparent and leave the kid at home.

I can guarantee that by following this advice, you will not have to deal with an overtired toddler who is strung-out on Benadryl and a total grump to be around. I promise it will work for you.

(Of course, I am clearly insane, since I’m already talking about taking her next year. Although my mom said she wouldn’t go with us again, even if it was the last day of her life and the Stones were playing in Chicago and gave her a front row seat.)